Jupiter Ascending User Review

  • lucasisking
    Jupiter Asinine
    Review of Jupiter Ascending Movie by lucasisking, Oct 29, 2015.
    It's such a shame, when you have millions of dollars, top tier production design, a talented cast and a pair of directors with creativity and (occasionally) some semblance of a clue; that a film could turn out to be such a complete buggers muddle and spectacular disappointment. Like Godzilla, this had all the ingredients to be great, but its squandered all its potential on a laughable storyline, atrocious script, dull characters, bland performances and by-the-numbers action especially towards the end. It doesn't help either that the story is disjointed, poorly paced and bizarrely edited; or that some of the Wachowski's creative choices were just bewilderingly poor. There's one scene in particular in which the cast arrive at the galactic capital planet; a breathtaking visual tour de force- only for the narrative to abruptly segue into a stupid Hitchhikers-esque sequence in an old fashioned sorting office where our heroes have to queue to fill in application forms and tax returns. Then there's the Kunis' annoying family on Earth who no one cares about either- a whole bunch of sequences that should have been left on that cutting room floor (where presumably a half decent edit of the film must be lying). And don't even get me started on Eddie Redmayne's preposterously hammy stock villain.

    There's no denying its visual majesty however; a spectacularly epic looking space-operatic aesthetic that would be mind-blowing if only it was in service of a better story (Herberts' Dune or Banks' Culture novels for example). There are lots of sexy spacecraft and vehicles to ogle (not withstanding CT's over-used hoover boots), and some of the action scenes have flashes of Matrix-quality thrills. Indeed, the night-time chase and dogfight across the Chicago skyline that is as jaw-to-the-floor awesome as any action set-piece I've seen in the last few years. Stunning. Unfortunately the action and effects become more and more overcooked until its all a big visual mess. You get an arcadey space dogfight (that looks a little like the recent Enders Game, and a kitchen-sink finale where everything collapses and explodes, complete with all the usual clichés. And Mila Kunis falls from things. A lot.

    Better luck next time guys (& guy-esses). But it's unlikely to be in the sequel.


    • It looks and sounds absolutely spectacular
    • One or two set pieces are impressive


    • Ludicrous story
    • By the numbers script
    • Overcooked finale
    • Bland characters
    • Eddie Redmayne may have delievered the worst on-screen villain of the century


    1. Sloppy Bob and Casimir Harlow like this.
    • Johnmcl7
      I don't know how they got this so wrong, I went in with very low expectations and expecting at least a visual treat but even then it was a real let down. I thought the New Seoul sections in Cloud Atlas were stunning (the whole film is easily one of my favourites) so the idea of a whole film that they could do what with should have been great but sadly not.

    • maddogb
      are u guys for real? it's star was Channing Tatum and you expect "par excellence" on the level of cloud atlas??
      it's horses for courses, stunning visuals and pop everything else, sfx freaks and entertainment of the pop variety, nothing more nothing less.
    • lucasisking
      @maddogb the fact that you resorted to invoking 'moff's law' after one comment kind of says it all.
    • maddogb
      @lucasisking from my understanding moffs law is about the odds someone will make an topic "nullifying" statement, similar to mine but not of the same content nor the same result.
      It was you who infact "invoked" moffs law by assuming my statement fell into the same category as those categorised.
      I was merely pointing out the clues were there to sum up your review simply from the cover ;)
    • lucasisking
      @maddogb thing is after Cloud Atlas (which was high brow by comparison) there was every reason to think JA could be good. However as I recall after seeing the trailer I predicted it would be either awesome or a car crash. And Channing Tatum has starred in some good movies (although they all tend to be directed by Steven Soderberg). So I don't agree that Jupiter Ascending had no chance of being good. I just think they screwed everything up, which was a shame. I still think there is a place for big budget space opera.
    No comments have been posted on this review yet.
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