woodchipper funeral

No, he runs on petrol AND diesel.
 
No, he runs on petrol AND diesel.

Inspector.jpg
 
To the OP: Given the subject matter you still sound quite chipper

On that note I'm Retiring* from the world of comedy. Yes I did say "Retiring", indicating I was funny up until that point. No backsies. :p



























*for 10 minutes approx
 
I clicked this thinking wtf, and I'm still thinking wtf...

A chipper would certainly chew you up, but you'd need to hire a very big one to do it. The ones you can pick up in diy shops and the like would clog up pretty quick due to lack of power (most consumer grade don't go over 100mm branch sizing). You'd need one that chips large branches/whole tree trunks.
 
I clicked this thinking wtf, and I'm still thinking wtf...

A chipper would certainly chew you up, but you'd need to hire a very big one to do it. The ones you can pick up in diy shops and the like would clog up pretty quick due to lack of power (most consumer grade don't go over 100mm branch sizing). You'd need one that chips large branches/whole tree trunks.

Friends of mine have just those machines. Whenever I help them out I refuse to wear a tie though for some reason they reckon I should still wear one. I do have nice ties though. That's probably what it is.
 
How about the one with "What could go wrong?" on it?
 
That was one of the first hits, but it's not someone offering to do it is it? Similarly "Chipper Funerals" aren't offering such a service either.
 
If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you are not sure you can do it, say yes. Then learn how to do it later." -- Richard Branson

How long until later kicks in :(
 
You could do what my dad did, and donate your body to medical science.

When they've finished with you, they carry out your wishes at no expense to the family.

That's what I've arranged.

Leicester Uni are having my body for up to 2 years after I die. Then they cremate me free of charge and either return the ashes to my family or place them in their garden of remembrance.

They have a small ten minute service prior and have a service each year for all those who have donated.

There are some instances where they can't accept your body so if that's the case my will stipulates a cheap cremation where your body is simply collected and cremated. No funeral, no service etc etc.

I've also stipulated an amount of money to pay for my family to go out and have a meal or something where they can finally celebrate the fact that I'm not going to get on their nerves anymore... :rotfl:
 
Surely you can manage that from the grave!
 
Go through one and report back. :laugh:
 
If you shop around a direct cremation could be cheaper than the hire of a wood chipper, the cleaning costs, replacement blades, especially as you’d still require the doctor certificate etc. And you don’t have to deal with the excess charge at the local tip for disposal.
 

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