Jules
Distinguished Member
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- Oct 11, 2000
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I'm genuinely devestated. *My friend of 3 years, who is a girl, has started smoking.
Until the last 4 months or so, she has been one of my best friends and someone whom I genuinely have a little love for. *
I spent days away with her, worked all day and spent evenings with her and I always knew her to be a non smoker. *In fact we used to speak about it and she said although she tried it once as a youngster, she was immediately sick and knew that smoking was not for her.*
For 28 years she has been a non-smoker.
I'll confess I am very anti smoking, and always said I would never date anyone who smoked because i hate it so much. It stinks and all see is an ugly, smelly, expensive habit that nearly cost my elder brother his life at the age of 41.
I discovered today ( after a couple of months of suspicion ) that she started smoking about 4-6 months ago.... Disappearing outside and coming back smelling of smoke, wanting to make a phone call outside etc..
In that time, especially lately, she has become distant with me and we hardly speak.
She has told another of my friends that she has treated me very badly of late, that she loves me but isn't in a good place to resume our friendship.
I can only assume she is rather embarrassed to admit that she smokes.
So my first question is why would a pretty, intelligent young woman suddenly decide to start smoking at the age of 29?
I'm also furious that cigarettes are legal when they can cause someone to become addicted to an expensive habit that they may have picked up at a very low point in their life. **
My second question is how best to deal with it, if at all.
She's gone through a lot in the last 12 months but this is so out of character.
One of our friends has been pushing for us to patch things up and get together and she seams to be showing signs of wanting to do just that.
I'll be honest, the first thing I would want her to do is pack up the fags... but I don't want to do it in a parent > child way.
She's a very important person in my life and as odd as this may sound her smoking has really upset me.
How should I handle it?
Until the last 4 months or so, she has been one of my best friends and someone whom I genuinely have a little love for. *
I spent days away with her, worked all day and spent evenings with her and I always knew her to be a non smoker. *In fact we used to speak about it and she said although she tried it once as a youngster, she was immediately sick and knew that smoking was not for her.*
For 28 years she has been a non-smoker.
I'll confess I am very anti smoking, and always said I would never date anyone who smoked because i hate it so much. It stinks and all see is an ugly, smelly, expensive habit that nearly cost my elder brother his life at the age of 41.
I discovered today ( after a couple of months of suspicion ) that she started smoking about 4-6 months ago.... Disappearing outside and coming back smelling of smoke, wanting to make a phone call outside etc..
In that time, especially lately, she has become distant with me and we hardly speak.
She has told another of my friends that she has treated me very badly of late, that she loves me but isn't in a good place to resume our friendship.
I can only assume she is rather embarrassed to admit that she smokes.
So my first question is why would a pretty, intelligent young woman suddenly decide to start smoking at the age of 29?
I'm also furious that cigarettes are legal when they can cause someone to become addicted to an expensive habit that they may have picked up at a very low point in their life. **
My second question is how best to deal with it, if at all.
She's gone through a lot in the last 12 months but this is so out of character.
One of our friends has been pushing for us to patch things up and get together and she seams to be showing signs of wanting to do just that.
I'll be honest, the first thing I would want her to do is pack up the fags... but I don't want to do it in a parent > child way.
She's a very important person in my life and as odd as this may sound her smoking has really upset me.
How should I handle it?