When Close Family Members Fall Out Big Time How Do You Cope

diannebye

Banned
My Fallout with 1st Son started when my Mum died not so long ago. She had dementia amongst other illnesses and was a troublemaker amongst us siblings around the 70's when we had settled down and started a family...that is just me and sis. Mum would be around my place every day with our 1st born and that was good really as I was not really a born mother unlike my sister that was very hands on etc with her 1st. Mum always set me and sis against each other with comments that were not nice..realised later in life this was going on for ever. I had little contact with sis quite soon and consquence we grew apart and knew very little of each others lives.
Always realised the first Son was the bees knees to my Mum and he was a loverly babe and a toddler not so loverly as we had twins a year after his birth so life was very full on.
When my Mum was deteriorating she turned even more against myself and sis so we did suffer but 1st born was always by her side and she talked of nothing else really so when the day came I was living away abroad so had not seen Mum for a few years but sis was constanly there to help her, although she got so much abuse along the way but she was kind of use to it....My Mum changed her WILL along the way and left her entire estate to our 1st Son like over a million pounds at least which is not so huge sum these days but was always suppose to be coming our way as a norm...my sis and I have never been money greedy and did not give the inhertitance much thought along the way to be honest ,but of course now the bad feeling started and soon came to a head. So now I am the enemy to the 1st Son and I am wondering how to cope with the loss really because it will never ever resolve. impossible with how it happened, he manipulated her it seems over time without us ever knowing what was occuring. How can your own children who you think you know so well do such terrible stuff.
One occasion that is alarming really is when our daughter got breast cancer so bad that it was almost inoperable he said we dropped him like a stone.....how can you say such awlful things when your sis and our daughter was likley to loose her life...stunned we were. She is living well now ok double mastectomy no lymph nodes equals issue with swelling to one arm and no hair grew back but... because she is a larger than life character she can and does cope more than the average would I reckon....she recently went up north to do a photo shoot for a cancer campaign by a top photographer and when I saw she put one pic up on facebook I melted....topless photo of course.
 
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diannebye

Banned
My Fallout with 1st Son started when my Mum died not so long ago. She had dementia amongst other illnesses and was a troublemaker amongst us siblings around the 70's when we had settled down and started a family...that is just me and sis. Mum would be around my place every day with our 1st born and that was good really as I was not really a born mother unlike my sister that was very hands on etc with her 1st. Mum always set me and sis against each other with comments that were not nice..realised later in life this was going on for ever. I had little contact with sis quite soon and consquence we grew apart and knew very little of each others lives.
Always realised the first Son was the bees knees to my Mum and he was a loverly babe and a toddler not so loverly as we had twins a year after his birth so life was very full on.
When my Mum was deteriorating she turned even more against myself and sis so we did suffer but 1st born was always by her side and she talked of nothing else really so when the day came I was living away abroad so had not seen Mum for a few years but sis was constanly there to help her, although she got so much abuse along the way but she was kind of use to it....My Mum changed her WILL along the way and left her entire estate to our 1st Son like over a million pounds at least which is not so huge sum these days but was always suppose to be coming our way as a norm...my sis and I have never been money greedy and did not give the inhertitance much thought along the way to be honest ,but of course now the bad feeling started and soon came to a head. So now I am the enemy to the 1st Son and I am wondering how to cope with the loss really because it will never ever resolve. impossible with how it happened, he manipulated her it seems over time without us ever knowing what was occuring. How can your own children who you think you know so well do such terrible stuff.
One occasion that is alarming really is when our daughter got breast cancer so bad that it was almost inoperable he said we dropped him like a stone.....how can you say such awlful things when your sis and our daughter was likley to loose her life...stunned we were. She is living well now ok double mastectomy no lymph nodes equals issue with swelling to one arm and no hair grew back but... because she is a larger than life character she can and does cope more than the average would I reckon....she recently went up north to do a photo shoot for a cancer campaign by a top photographer and when I saw she put one pic up on facebook I melted....topless photo of course.
The real saviour for me is music, ok I do get very emotional with some tracks and my temper is a little like my Dad's and Sister actually. Shout and Swear and Tears, just all pents up and you think the best part of your life you devote to your youngsters and we have more than gone the extra mile.Example....Oldest arrived on doorstep with new girlfriend from Newcastle..Holiday Romance...He said to his Dad hello Grandad can we come and stay.....one year on they were granted a place of their own through the council as baby had arrived whilst living with us...them two sharing a room with brother..even though we built a summerhouse in the garden...she was not going to stay in that she said! Hey it even had a new fitted carpet a sofa bed and much more..not intended to live in just a place for them to have some privacy....Two children later it all went pair shaped and we had a heartbroken son to nurse.....which we did of course.
 

Trollslayer

Distinguished Member
Sorry to hear about that. :(
 
D

Deleted member 843310

Guest
Yeah you never in your life imagine things can go that wrong with your kids....only happens to others, well it can happen to anybody sadly. But we are both mainly strong right now, a little hardened maybe.
It must be really disheartening for you so I feel for you a lot 😔
 

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