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Weather Report

OneEyedStuart

Distinguished Member
50F degrees
People in southern England turn on the central heating
People in Edinburgh plant out bedding plants

40F degrees
Southerners shiver uncontrollably
Glaswegians sunbathe on the beach at Largs

35F degrees
Cars in the south of England refuse to start
People in Falkirk drive with their windows down

20F degrees
Southerners wear overcoats, gloves and woolly hats
Aberdonian men throw on a T-shirt; girls start wearing mini-skirts

15F degrees
Southerners begin to evacuate to the continent
People from Dundee swim in the River Tay at Broughty Ferry

Zero degrees
Life in the south grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold

Minus 10F degrees
Life in the south ceases to exist
People in Dunfermline throw on a light jacket

Minus 80F degrees
Polar bears wonder if it's worth carrying on
Boy Scouts in Oban start wearing their long trousers

Minus 100F degrees
Santa Claus abandons North Pole
People in Stirling put on their 'long johns'

Minus 173F degrees
Alcohol freezes
Glaswegians get upset because all the pubs are shut

Minus 297F degrees
Microbial life starts to disappear
The cows in Dumfriesshire complain about farmers with cold hands

Minus 460F degrees
All atomic motion stops
Shetlanders stamp their feet and blow on their hands

Minus 500F degrees
Hell freezes over
Rangers win Champions League
 

booyaka

Moderator
olden but golden!!

True with regards the Glaswegians going sunbathing at Largs - that is sooo true!!:cool:
 

Monty Burns

Well-known Member
KeithHurst said:
....Zero degrees
Life in the south grinds to a halt
Inverness folk have the last BBQ before it gets cold
...

You joke?

My boss has just invited me to a bbq at his house on Saturday, its -10 to -14 here at night!!!:eek:

Mad Germans!!!!!!

edit: should be around 1/2/3c here during the day
 
S

shadowritten

Guest
Let me guess: you're implying that people from Scotland are in some way 'hard'?
 

Ian J

Banned
shadowritten said:
Let me guess: you're implying that people from Scotland are in some way 'hard'?

Tell that you're not a footie fan. The whole thing just leads up to the last two lines about Rangers winning the Champions League when hell freezes over.
 
S

shadowritten

Guest
Ian J said:
Tell that you're not a footie fan. The whole thing just leads up to the last two lines about Rangers winning the Champions League when hell freezes over.

Quite correct. I've got no time for sport. I just read it as one of those 'North-vs-South' tirades ... which reminds me of a related incident in my home town of Bornemouth.

Couple of Geordies who'd settled in the town were in a nightclub and spent the evening mouthing off about how much better everything was up north. It went on for ages and was getting on everyone's wick, them slagging off life in the south. Then a local squaddie grabbed hold of one of them and said something to the effect that if life up there was so much better, why had they decided to live down here? Only there was much more swearing involved.

Squaddie had a point, mind.
 

John 1987

Well-known Member
First time I've seen that, funny staff.
 

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