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Was I right to handle this situation the way I did?

CheekyKid

Novice Member
So I met this polish girl from POF and from the beginning she seemed quite a reserved person. Fair enough I thought some people need more time than others to "open" up. We chatted for about 2 hours over some drinks and during this time although she was quite talkative about subjects that I would bring up she didn't ask me a single question, and I mean not a single one, absolutely nothing.

I found that quite a turn off considering this is supposed to be a date of sorts but I didn't say anything. I did get a bit pissed off but shut my mouth. Upon me putting the question in indirect terms she said she would meet again and we can go to a restaurant next time. Now i didn't believe she meant this and was probably a polite way to get rid off someone but anyway.

Yesterday I sent her a txt asking if we she can meet during the weekend to which she replied that she can't because of a friend she has visiting her. Up until yesterday and prior to my message(s) she hadn't contacted me at all and would always take her time to reply even though she had seen my messages according to whatsapp.

I didn't believe her reason one bit based on the basis of her general passive attitude towards me and wrote back that she can just tell me that shes not interested, am not her type or whatever and to stop lying to me. She replied she doesn't lie and now after this she is turned off by the fact that I would say such a thing and she said goodbye. (Fine!)


I believe I was rational in my approach to confront this potential BS and even though you can never be 100% sure with someone you don't know and their claims, I think she could not in hell expect me to see her seriously and meet again if thus far she had done absolutely nothing to show any kind of interest. If she had send a txt, replied with "I can't this weekend but lets arrange it for the next", or SOMETHING after our meeting to keep in touch I would have had a different mind however I am not a 6th sense savant to be able to understand what people think inside their mind and I only have their outwards actions to judge them on.

Am I overthinking this and caused a problem that isn't really there or I handled this appropriately and fairly given the circumstances? I just wanted to protect my time/money/feelings messing with someone who has shown, in my opinion, red flags of disinterest.
 

EarthRod

Distinguished Member
I get the impression she's not interested in developing a relationship, maybe just a friend and nothing else.

Maybe you are pressing to hard and need to back off a touch? :cool: :)
 

safcalibur

Distinguished Member
I think her passive attitude sums up get lack of interest unfortunately so I wouldn't have held high hopes based on that. She probably didn't know how to say no or end it and took your 'confrontational' message as an excuse to end it and thus twisted it to make it seem like you were at fault (one of the many tricks the fairer sex has up their sleeve haha).

I think you acted reasonably given the fact you didn't know where you stood with her and that she wasn't asking you anything.

Move on mate, clearly that's was a relationship not meant to happen, plenty of fish (pun intended!) out there.

Good luck mate :)
 

Desmo

Distinguished Member
I personally wouldn't have called her a liar. You can directly ask if she's interested or not but calling her a liar comes across as a bit rude to me.

But hey, it was one date and nothing lost so move on. You're overthinking it.
 

markie g

Distinguished Member
Dating is a tough old game.

Some girls can be shy and don't make conversation back very well, especially i'd say majority are in a more vulnerable position to what a guy is in. Meeting a stranger is quite a scary thing (for some people).

I'd always make contact the next day saying you had a nice evening and would they like to meet up again (obviously if you wanted to meet them again)? 9/10 you'd have an idea of where you stand based on the response.

Personally don't get hooked up on them not replying straight away, even when they've read the message... most of the girls I've dated did this.. they read it, then reply 30mins - few hours. I set a rule of take the same amount of time that they took to reply. If it went several hours, i'd probably reply in 1-2 hours instead. If you reply immediately you can come across a bit keen, girls kind of like a challenge (IMO).

Based on your experience above i'd say you ended it by calling her a liar, but it sounds like you did yourself a favor. Do you want to invest your time/money in someone with the personality of a john smiths cardboard cut out? :)

Enjoy the dating game, it's a lot of fun (most of the time). :D
 

hippo99

Distinguished Member
Personally I think she had a lucky escape...
All this after just a first date?
she hadn't contacted me at all and would always take her time to reply even though she had seen my messages according to whatsapp
wrote back...to stop lying to me
Imagine if she was actually your girlfriend? o_O
 

CheekyKid

Novice Member
Personally I think she had a lucky escape...
All this after just a first date?

Imagine if she was actually your girlfriend? o_O
Before you make an unqualified and impolite statement how long is "too long" to reply to someone? few hours? few days? At which point you get the signal that the other person is not very responsive due to non interest? On the back of everything else PLUS not ever replying swiftly one is reasonable to conclude lack of interest.

I admit that I came on strong by calling someone a liar however based on the circumstances I felt this was the most obvious explanation. I was confrontational as I was a bit aggravated by the fact she would not just say shes not interested and kept fobbing me off.

One could argue that "you could have never known if she was honest or not", sure, but am not a medium to be able to understand whats in peoples minds. I have to go with what I see in front of me.

When you are passive and don't let people know where you stand then said people are reasonable to draw reasonable conclusions based on the evidence at hand. Just because you can't be 100% sure about something that doesn't mean you should stay "in limbo" and think nothing/do nothing.

Go with the most obvious explanation (in the absence of new data) and move on accepting here and there you might end up wrong but in the process you will save yourself from the 95% of times you were probably right to cut ties.

I would be interested to know if someone thinks that am irrational in my approach of things. Your feedback is appreciated.
 

mooperman

Distinguished Member
i think if it was me i wouldnt have chased after the 'date'. If she text asking to meet up then fair enough but the signs were there to chalk it up to experience and walk away imo. No need to be confrontational about it just read the signs. :)
 

CheekyKid

Novice Member
i think if it was me i wouldnt have chased after the 'date'. If she text asking to meet up then fair enough but the signs were there to chalk it up to experience and walk away imo. No need to be confrontational about it just read the signs. :)
How would you respond to the argument that says "Maybe its just her personality/culture that made her act like that while inside her she wants to meet with you again but she just expects from the guy to do all the chase even in the absence of interest"
 

hippo99

Distinguished Member
I think OP was/is far too intense.
You've invested in a 2 hour date, not a 2 month relationship with this girl.

If I was a girl and a guy I'd just met for 2 hours was thinking all this...I'd seriously be thinking stalker alert, no joke.
 

mooperman

Distinguished Member
How would you respond to the argument that says "Maybe its just her personality/culture that made her act like that while inside her she wants to meet with you again but she just expects from the guy to do all the chase even in the absence of interest"
depends who's making the argument.... if she is then its possibly a clear sign that she 'might' be interested... if you are then you are probably trying to justify your reason for chasing and probably shouldnt bother..
 

rousetafarian

Moderator
I’ve been very successful dating up to 3 years ago when I settled, and I didn’t call any of those lucky ladies a ‘liar’ a short time after meeting them.
 
Last edited:

rousetafarian

Moderator
Serious question, did you meet her in SoHo?
 

safcalibur

Distinguished Member
He did call her a liar, that doesn't need any twisting. He called it off by doing that. Which is fine.
Yes you're right IG my apologies (in general the twisting stuff comment still stands though haha!)
 
I think OP was/is far too intense.
You've invested in a 2 hour date, not a 2 month relationship with this girl.

If I was a girl and a guy I'd just met for 2 hours was thinking all this...I'd seriously be thinking stalker alert, no joke.
Was thinking that exact thing.

Personally id be more concerned over the amount of time you have ranted about this over a forum, as others have said this was a 2-hour date, not a relationship so either way the time and money that you invested in this was minimal.
Look at it as she isn't interested and move on and to be fair I don't think you have any right to call somebody a liar.
 

safcalibur

Distinguished Member
Tbf OP it isn't as easy for some (most I'd hazard a guess) people to just turn around and say to someone they're not interested especially if the other person clearly is (I.e you). Fear of hurting others feelings or not wanting to come across as a complete **** could be reasons she didn't reply or respond more directly.

Usually in the dating game you just go by each other's signals/body language etc and you need to read that. People are usually polite to one another so whilst she was happy to talk about herself and respond to questions you asked she clearly wasn't interested in you which is why there was no reciprocation. She didn't text you either so another sign I personally would have been put off by her lack of interest been civil and polite but not contacted her again. Saying that I do understand people are different and some may not interpret signals etc very well and need things to be more explicit but maybe calling her a liar was a bit strong. Just gauge the reaction next time, the fact that she made her excuses for not meeting up with you should have been clear alarm bells that this isn't going anywhere.
 

Desmo

Distinguished Member
I wonder if her thread has hit Mumsnet yet?
 

Sandman

Distinguished Member
You go on a 2 hour date with a girl where she doesn't seem interested then she doesn't text you for a few days after the date. You then text her asking if she would like to meet up again. She replies with a polite no so you call her a liar.

She's probably a lesbian!
 

stblob

Well-known Member
She probably was disappointed that you didn't take her out for a nice meal. Most women go on dates for a " free " night out. I always fall on Polish girls gone bad.
But hey, good luck.
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
Just move on to the next girl. She obviously doesn’t like you.
 

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