Hello to all the regulars here. I just want to clarify some stuff. Of late some of my posts have appeared to be a little negative and I am happy to admit that at times they are. However, I have really been through the mill over the last say 18 odd months and I am now starting to look forward and not back but changes are required and as we all know - you have to go to the changes as usually they do not come to you. Firstly, my comments regarding my work situation relate to the position I find myself in at work. Seriously fed up. No prospects as a complete freeze on promotion and in about 9 months my job is being phased out so if I decide to stay then I do not know what I may be doing. So, a possible change of job is on the cards, but who knows. Sometimes I am like Bart Simpson in that I lack drive and more often than not I let things drift on by. However, the older I get, (33) I realise that life is going by at a rate of knots and that sometimes you have to take a chance. Secondly, you may or may not know that approx, 16 months ago I left my wife who was my partner of eleven years. I left because I thought my life was in a real mess and that she was the root cause. Sadly I was suffering from depression and now that I look back, life was actually very, very good. We had a lovely house with a cinema room to die for, a brand new Beetle and a good life with lots of love and a real bond that I miss every waking minute. Divorce is a truly awful thing. Everything changes and the friends, relationships and times you had pre divorce simply disappear, which can lead to some lonely times. However, in order for me to get on with life I have been learning to accept that I messed up and threw it all away BUT that I do not need to penalise myself anymore. Some time ago I met and started dating a gorgeous Australian girl called Karen who really brought me out of myself. We are best friends now - my choice. She has a joy for life that I envy and has been a wonderful friend through the worst period of my life. Sometime ago I was candid and honest with her and we discussed my past. I admitted to her that I still missed my ex and that I had deep regret. However, she was cool and understood it. She also told me that she thought the world of me as a person and that she would love to be my partner and take me back to Australia in a suitcase, and in a nut shell, there is my dilemma. Over the course of our friendship, I have grown to adore her and I am dreading the day when she has to go home in late August. I have spoken to an immigration specialist in person (paid too) and he advised me the only real course of action for me would be to go as her perspective husband which would mean marriage within nine months of going to Australia. Thats heavy and I do not know what to do. I now see that I have very little here. Work is crap, living in a shared house is OK, not ideal and I have realised that I prefer living on my own but I have to ask myself, is moving to Australia the answer???!?! I suppose I am at a major crossroad and I really dont know what to do. What would you do. Please bare in mind that it is not that easy to just up and leave. It costs a lot of money to start with and I am not sure. Finally, regarding my depression. I have not had an anti-depressant for three odd months and I feel well. Sometimes I get low, not that low and nowhere near how I felt when I took a frankly huge overdose. When I stop and think it can get to me but I am in much better mental health. I hope you guys do not see me as some loony. I get down days like everyone else, I laugh like everyone else and cry like the rest of you as I am normal, though at times I see and hear things and feel things that depression can cause. Its odd, like a higher plateau, which goes hand in hand with depression. The lows combat the highs. It is quite simple to be honest. I have simply lost my way and I am finding my way back into the light as a person. I am trying my ****ing best and its one day at a time. All day everyday. Thanks for reading. Pete.