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Transitional period......A statement.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Bristol Pete, Apr 27, 2005.

  1. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    Hello to all the regulars here.

    I just want to clarify some stuff.

    Of late some of my posts have appeared to be a little negative and I am happy to admit that at times they are. However, I have really been through the mill over the last say 18 odd months and I am now starting to look forward and not back but changes are required and as we all know - you have to go to the changes as usually they do not come to you.

    Firstly, my comments regarding my work situation relate to the position I find myself in at work. Seriously fed up. No prospects as a complete freeze on promotion and in about 9 months my job is being phased out so if I decide to stay then I do not know what I may be doing. So, a possible change of job is on the cards, but who knows. Sometimes I am like Bart Simpson in that I lack drive and more often than not I let things drift on by. However, the older I get, (33) I realise that life is going by at a rate of knots and that sometimes you have to take a chance.

    Secondly, you may or may not know that approx, 16 months ago I left my wife who was my partner of eleven years. I left because I thought my life was in a real mess and that she was the root cause. Sadly I was suffering from depression and now that I look back, life was actually very, very good. We had a lovely house with a cinema room to die for, a brand new Beetle and a good life with lots of love and a real bond that I miss every waking minute. Divorce is a truly awful thing. Everything changes and the friends, relationships and times you had pre divorce simply disappear, which can lead to some lonely times.

    However, in order for me to get on with life I have been learning to accept that I messed up and threw it all away BUT that I do not need to penalise myself anymore. Some time ago I met and started dating a gorgeous Australian girl called Karen who really brought me out of myself. We are best friends now - my choice. She has a joy for life that I envy and has been a wonderful friend through the worst period of my life. Sometime ago I was candid and honest with her and we discussed my past. I admitted to her that I still missed my ex and that I had deep regret. However, she was cool and understood it. She also told me that she thought the world of me as a person and that she would love to be my partner and take me back to Australia in a suitcase, and in a nut shell, there is my dilemma. Over the course of our friendship, I have grown to adore her and I am dreading the day when she has to go home in late August. I have spoken to an immigration specialist in person (paid too) and he advised me the only real course of action for me would be to go as her perspective husband which would mean marriage within nine months of going to Australia. Thats heavy and I do not know what to do. I now see that I have very little here. Work is crap, living in a shared house is OK, not ideal and I have realised that I prefer living on my own but I have to ask myself, is moving to Australia the answer???!?!

    I suppose I am at a major crossroad and I really dont know what to do. What would you do. Please bare in mind that it is not that easy to just up and leave. It costs a lot of money to start with and I am not sure.

    Finally, regarding my depression. I have not had an anti-depressant for three odd months and I feel well. Sometimes I get low, not that low and nowhere near how I felt when I took a frankly huge overdose. When I stop and think it can get to me but I am in much better mental health. I hope you guys do not see me as some loony. I get down days like everyone else, I laugh like everyone else and cry like the rest of you as I am normal, though at times I see and hear things and feel things that depression can cause. Its odd, like a higher plateau, which goes hand in hand with depression. The lows combat the highs.

    It is quite simple to be honest. I have simply lost my way and I am finding my way back into the light as a person. I am trying my ****ing best and its one day at a time. All day everyday.

    Thanks for reading.

    Pete.
     
  2. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    This is me taken just now. Old grey beard. It is good to put a face to a name.

    Pete.
     
  3. Kopite4Ever

    Kopite4Ever
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    brave post pete :clap:

    wish you all the happiness you require. been to austrailia myself and its so beautifull its unture. to live out there is a different prospect however. i couldnt leave this city for more than a day or so before i miss everything about it but thats me. i had a female friend who i adored and she adored me as total friends. left a-levels and have lost most contact. we were inseperable for 3-4 years and i do truly miss her. if you will miss your lady friend like i miss mine dont lose her. i know women are a pain in the ass (sorry smelly ;) your welsh just get confused and laugh if off ;) ) but if your into her dont let go
     
  4. Kopite4Ever

    Kopite4Ever
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    and you no longer look like Mr Mercury, dammit :( ;)
     
  5. eviljohn2

    eviljohn2
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    You're looking very well mate. :smashin:
    Although as much as I'd like to be able to help you on this one I really think you're going to have to decide what you want at this stage all on your own. It's certainly a very big crossroads and none of us (well, me at least) can possibly have the same outlook that you do on the situation. As great as the forums are you can't let them rule your life entirely! :laugh:

    Have to admit that I'd be a bit sad if you left as I wouldn't get to meet you again! :)
     
  6. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    True, but some of the best advice I have taken and used has come from the objectivity of the forums.

    You still owe me several pints. I will be cashing them in.

    Pete.
     
  7. overkill

    overkill
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    Can't advise you Pete, as in my job we're told not to do so and I can't shake that off. It's not our future our advice might muck up. All I can say is the choice will become obvious to you the nearer you get to her leaving. You'll know how much of a space will be left, and whether that hole is too deep to fill, or if it's not as serious as you first thought. The job, past partners, etc don't matter only your future.
     
  8. eviljohn2

    eviljohn2
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    I'm sure you know what I'm getting at, I thought you weren't a :beer: man though? Surely you don't want pints of silver WKD! :eek:

    Good post by Overkill that pretty much covers it IMO. :)
     
  9. smelly

    smelly
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    Absolutely not, you're just like the rest of us :D

    Seriously there's a lot going on in your life at the moment, but you seem to be doing pretty well thinking it through and talking about it, which is the best thing to do when you have big decisions to make. Ultimately no matter how much advise we can all give you, what you decide to do is down to you. And you will never really know whether its the right decision or not as you''ll never be able to go back in time and do it differently. All you can do is to accept that there will always be change in your life, some pushed upon you, others you choose. Each experience will teach you something - even if its not to do it again :D and thats part of what lifes all about, all you can do is keep moving forward and make the most of it.

    I'm very lucky as I've never suffered from depression, I've been through difficult times, really bad 4 years ago, but I've always been a glass half full sort of person. I always believe that things happen for a reason. So its really difficult for me to appreciate how low you must have been on ocassions. All I can tell you is to take the positive though, that you have worked your way through it and things are getting better.

    You're doing really well mate and I believe that whatever you decide to do, it will work out for you. After all your PS is portable and AVForums is accesible from anywhere in the world. What more could you want. ;)

    None taken - I know the real truth ;)
     
  10. mrmcdean

    mrmcdean
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    Captain, not really too sure what to say. Over the last few months ive read many of your posts, some upbeat, others obviously less so, I dont know you anywhere near as well as many others on here but when it counts there always seems to be loads of people keen to give their moral support which must show you something.

    I cant really begin to imagine what you've been through recently but you seem to have maintain a sense of humour and candid nature which will hopefully carry you on to bigger and better things.

    I met a girl at university and we began seeing each other, as we came nearer the end of our third year I began to realise that I didnt have it in me to move away from my home town as I'd already spent 3 years away. Now she came from Wales (not the other side of the world of course) but the important thing is that she had more courage than I did, she moved up to my home town and almost 7 years later we're still together. Im glad she had the guts to take a risk and move hear otherwise we'd never have got married or had our son. Ive learnt from that and feel that if I had to have my time over again I would be willing to make that difficult decision.

    Perhaps this is the opportunity you need to change direction, it could be the best move you've ever made, who knows but how do you feel at the prospect of her going back to Oz on her own ??

    Could you take an extended break from work and spend a month or so out there to see how things go ??

    If it helps, im sure they have computers over there so you could always check up on how dreary everything is over here if you decided to take the plunge.

    All the best.
     
  11. Mark Grant

    Mark Grant
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    Hello Pete,

    Brave post and you look OK in that picture ! - makes me smile !



    I remember that day in January very well :(



    Tough call, only you know how you feel with this.


    Does sound like you are hanging onto the past rather than looking to the future.
    I have friends who have lost partners to cancer at about your age. Thats got to be worse than divorce.( not that I know - luckily)

    Maybe time to try to move on if you can.

    As you say, not much here for you at the moment, so might be worth the risk.

    Most people hate their jobs, they just dont realise how bad it is until they see there is more to life than work.

    A change would do you good I guess.

    If all goes wrong, they might let you back in here ;)

    Have a talk with Karen about it, make sure she is serious before you make too many plans !

    Even if you only stay 6 months then bottle out, at least you tried and wont be thinking 'If only'


    You might be able to log onto the forum from Oz to keep in touch, I think they have the internet now ;)


    Moving abroad is a tough decision that only you can make.

    Good luck with whatever you decide !


    P.S. Will visit with suitcase full of cables for your new AV room, as long as you are near a beach and have cold beer in fridge.


    Mark.
     
  12. shodan

    shodan
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    Bit of soul searching, and I find myself typing this post.

    I won't bother you with the details except to say I have only ever loved one person, (sorry to the other women in my life before and since) but after 13 years of being friends we got together. I knew from 10 or 11 years previous that she wanted to move to Oz. After a year or so of me living what I thought was perfection (and yes I saved for a ring and we were planning-I thought- for marriage, and we had names for a children and everything) we found out that I don't meet the qualifications to emigrate to Oz.

    I am such a ****.

    I could not ask her to stay as it is what she wanted all her life.

    It has taken me nearly 4 years and I'm just starting to think about having a relationship again. I've been a **** in between as I only wanted to have my own hapiness as I felt that if I wasn't good enough for the woman I loved, then I wasn't good enough fopr anyone. the strange thing was, I traeted lots of other women as nothing more than meat.

    I became an alcoholic. My Dr tell's me that I will always be an alcoholic now.
    I went to the train tracks to kill myself but at the very, very last moment I didn't. the reason was, I thought, "Am I strong enough to get through this? Lets find out".

    So now, years down the line, I want to be happy. I want to love again and be loved. I don't want to act like the **** I was, I want to be a man again.

    What i've learned is that I don't think i'll ever give my entire self again. I'm not putting myself on offer again for a woman to make me want to kill myself. (and I had it all justified to my family, in my head).

    Now my approach is, lets try it and see if its good! If it isn't, then we'll knock it on the head.

    My only worry is that I've not felt anything for anyone in nearly three years but I hope that will change soon.


    Pete, they are all snakes with boobs but if you can find one you like then go for it! If it don't work then so what, lets find another!

    Well this is probably a load of poo and I'll be embarrased by it tomorrow but lets be honest, Pete post his stuff here because its like free therapy for him and it might help others so you can have my two pennies worth too!!!
     
  13. Master Rahl

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    :) :) :) :D :blush:
     
  14. Miyazaki

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    We've already seen your mug mate! Put a picture on here of your gorgeous Australian girl ;) :laugh:

    Seriously though, change is good, and it may be the opportunity of your life, you dont want to squander it. Go with her to Oz, you may end up regretting that more than divorce if you dont!
     
  15. Solomon Grundy

    Solomon Grundy
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    hmmmmm...what to do, what to do! You say you adore her, the dictionary says therefore that you regard her with deep, often rapturous love! Sounds like a plan to me.
     
  16. Dr Diversity

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    Brave post Captain, especially identifying yourself with a picture. Shades of David Badiell there!

    I have to go along with the other views - it is your call. Perhaps you could help clarify your mind by listing pro & cons and seeing what the balance is. Perhaps use post-its on the wall and write them up as you think of them. When it comes to the decision a visual chart may help you. If this doesn't suit your style then ignore it, it is one out of a big toolbox.
     
  17. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    Shodan your words are wise. Good luck with everything you face too!

    Pete.
     
  18. Seth Gecko

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    You're clearly doing it wrong then! ;)

    Cap - I've read some of your posts (as I read a lot on here, mostly I try not to comment TOO much). Forgive me my bluntness - It's inherrent in the system, but I'd rather not use 100 words when 10 will do.

    You've made your point absolutely clear - the thing with life is to try and look back and think "No Regrets". From how you sound so disenchanted with England and some of your decisions, if you chose to stay here would you look back and think that you regretted not seeing or trying? I know I would personally.

    You've said yourself, ties are minimal, job is driving you loopy and you've got someone in your life that clearly means a great deal to you. The only thing that is truly holding you back is yourself and your nervousness about marriage and/or lifestyle change. Then again - if things are so bad, can it TRULY get worse ?

    Carpe Diem as they say. Remember it's better to look back and think you tried, rather than look back and wishing you chose differently.

    Good luck Cap - whatever the decision you make.
     
  19. tom_painter85

    tom_painter85
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    Cap, I'll keep it short but sweet...do what you think is right, no-one can make the right decision for you...but if you feel its going to be better than here...go for it.

    I, and I'm sure I speak for everyone here too, wish you the very best whatever you do. I hope everything works out for you mate.

    And keep posting here wherever you are - everyone needs a little insanity from time to time ;)

    Good luck mate :smashin:

    Tom
     
  20. Solomon Grundy

    Solomon Grundy
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    well if it doesn't work out with the Australian it looks like there is an American who would have a pop! :thumbsup:
     
  21. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    Hello sailor ..... :eek: :D :rotfl:
     
  22. Dr Diversity

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    Decadence, are you suggesting that Captain Benefit give Master Rahl a ring?

    After all, Master Rahl has been known to make a few postings :blush:
     
  23. Bristol Pete

    Bristol Pete
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    :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

    Maybe Master Rahl could put me up for a few days :eek: :nono:
     
  24. squirrely

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    Any port in a storm.
     

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