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The old fashioned way

djbsom

Prominent Member
Well well, my daughter's partner called in 'for a chat' and launched into a long speech culminating in asking me if he can propose to my daughter!
Very happy for the two of them and more than a little impressed with him.
I have to confess I didn't do that before proposing to my first wife or the present mrs. B.
What a nice gesture.
 
D

Deleted member 498601

Guest
Well well, my daughter's partner called in 'for a chat' and launched into a long speech culminating in asking me if he can propose to my daughter!
Very happy for the two of them and more than a little impressed with him.
I have to confess I didn't do that before proposing to my first wife or the present mrs. B.
What a nice gesture.

I forgot to ask; did this make you look upon this young gentleman in a certain way after he paid his respects to you in this way? Just curious, as my FILs (both of them, one a step FIL before anyone asks :laugh:) never gave me any other feedback than 'You're welcome to her mate' :rotfl:
 

MrFraggle

Distinguished Member
I forgot to ask; did this make you look upon this young gentleman in a certain way after he paid his respects to you in this way? Just curious, as my FILs (both of them, one a step FIL before anyone asks :laugh:) never gave me any other feedback than 'You're welcome to her mate' :rotfl:
What's a FIL?
 

Liquid101

Distinguished Member
Surely it’s old fashion for good reason?

It all seems a bit sexist and chauvinistic to me. Gone are the days when daughters were seen as property that needed to be traded. I suppose you could argue that it’s just a gesture, but would you feel the same if post marriage he suggested that she shouldn’t work and her place was at home looking after the house?

I’m not married though - never even crossed my mind to discuss the idea with my partners father. Looking back, it might have been a good idea though. He was the M.D. of the company I worked for.. until I moved in with this daughter. 4 months later I was working somewhere else. I think it was about 4 years before we spoke again.
 

MrFraggle

Distinguished Member
At the end of the day it might be meaningless but sexist and chauvinistic, really, how sad is that?
 

Liquid101

Distinguished Member
At the end of the day it might be meaningless but sexist and chauvinistic, really, how sad is that?

I said it seemed a bit that way... not necessarily that it was.

It just feels like a throw back to a time when we didn’t trust women with independent thought. Tradition or not, I think as a tradition it’s a reminder about the way in which women have been treated in the past, and probably not appropriate for a modern world.
 

Egg White

Distinguished Member
I suppose it's a respectful gesture, and perhaps the father is 'old school' (or at least an older generation) and will; be more accepting of it..?

my lady's son asked his wife's parents before hand and they of course said yes :)
 

The Dreamer

Distinguished Member
I see it as simply being polite - which, as a ‘tradition’ seems to be very much lacking these days.

If my son ever decides he wants to marry, I would expect him to ask for his partner’s (male or female) parents blessing. To simply assume their blessing (note, not permission), would, IMO, be rude.

Maybe it’s an age thing?

Although, full disclosure, I never did this, as my wife was orphaned as a child, there was no one to ask!

@djbsom , I think it’s a wonderful gesture on your future son-in-law’s part, and I wish the couple every happiness.
 

Liquid101

Distinguished Member
Difficult to know what is appropriate in the modern world these days, what might be today may not be tomorrow.

I asked four women in my office what they thought this morning. One of them said she would be somewhat offended, the other 3 thought it was completely unnecessary but didn’t have strong feelings either way.

I don’t doubt that all four think I am planning to get married now.
 

bjd

Distinguished Member
Look, all women, including modern, independent women, still love a bit of good old-fashioned courtesy and chivalry. I learned this lesson the hard way when I lost the woman of my dreams because I didn't open a car door for her. I just swam for the surface.




(Shamelessly stolen from Emo)
 

MrFraggle

Distinguished Member
I asked four women in my office what they thought this morning. One of them said she would be somewhat offended, the other 3 thought it was completely unnecessary but didn’t have strong feelings either way.

I don’t doubt that all four think I am planning to get married now.
I cannot see anywhere on here the implication is that this sort of thing is 'necessary' it is nothing more than a bit of old fashioned courtesy, nothing more nothing less.
 

Liquid101

Distinguished Member
I cannot see anywhere on here the implication is that this sort of thing is 'necessary' it is nothing more than a bit of old fashioned courtesy, nothing more nothing less.

In my experience, when somebody says something is ‘completely unnecessary’, they don’t mean it’s simply not necessary, it probably means something closer to it’s ‘not acceptable’.

I suppose it all comes down to the type of person you are. I suppose I just know a lot more fiercely independent women; my partner included. It’s probably given me a skewed view of things like this.
 

djbsom

Prominent Member
I forgot to ask; did this make you look upon this young gentleman in a certain way after he paid his respects to you in this way? Just curious, as my FILs (both of them, one a step FIL before anyone asks :laugh:) never gave me any other feedback than 'You're welcome to her mate' :rotfl:

Not really. I suppose it confirmed that he's a gentleman.
My wife and I had agreed quietly that he was good for her and her children when we first met him and nothing so far had raised any concerns.
As a response I told him he was a good influence to her and I'd be very happy for the two of them, amongst other good wishes, and the conversation turned to how he was going to propose etc..
Last night we all went out for celebratory meal after a stunning PTA report for the four and five year olds and it was a very happy and relaxed evening.
They are going away for a family holiday next month and we are going to join them for a picnic and to help set the scene for the surprise proposal.
It's all good so far.
We're expecting a poor reaction from the father of her children but that's not a concern.
Happy days.
 
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maxwell

Distinguished Member
My son in law did the same, I misunderstood what he was saying at the time as I was pissed as a rat and told him it was none of my business and he should ask her not me :facepalm:

Nice gesture though.
 
D

Deleted member 51156

Guest
Surely it’s old fashion for good reason?

It all seems a bit sexist and chauvinistic to me. Gone are the days when daughters were seen as property that needed to be traded. I suppose you could argue that it’s just a gesture, but would you feel the same if post marriage he suggested that she shouldn’t work and her place was at home looking after the house?

I’m not married though - never even crossed my mind to discuss the idea with my partners father. Looking back, it might have been a good idea though. He was the M.D. of the company I worked for.. until I moved in with this daughter. 4 months later I was working somewhere else. I think it was about 4 years before we spoke again.

I said it seemed a bit that way... not necessarily that it was.

It just feels like a throw back to a time when we didn’t trust women with independent thought. Tradition or not, I think as a tradition it’s a reminder about the way in which women have been treated in the past, and probably not appropriate for a modern world.

I asked four women in my office what they thought this morning. One of them said she would be somewhat offended, the other 3 thought it was completely unnecessary but didn’t have strong feelings either way.

I don’t doubt that all four think I am planning to get married now.
That just politicising what is a private gesture.
This is exactly the kind of topic we were discussing during our politics degree, it's not the thread for it. I loved the modules on the family, gender roles and relationships and the economic consequences of the big changes since the 50's.
 
D

Deleted member 498601

Guest
I asked four women in my office what they thought this morning. One of them said she would be somewhat offended, the other 3 thought it was completely unnecessary but didn’t have strong feelings either way.

I don’t doubt that all four think I am planning to get married now.

Well, of course that's to be expected. What conversation in modern Britain is complete without someone, somewhere being offended? :(:facepalm:
 

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