The Hollywood rule Book

PoochJD

Well-known Member
Hi Folks,

This is part of an article that appears in the latest (April 02) edition of "Vanity Fair UK" magazine. It is basically an addendum to a topic that came-up not too long ago, in this very forum. Hope you enjoy it! :)

Things that happen in Hollwood movies:
1) Appearing naked in PLAYBOY will not result in a serious film career.

2) The diseased/addicted/mentally impaired always get the Oscar.

3) In courtroom dramas, there is always a surprise witness.

4) In horror movies, young women are always required to investigate strange noises, in their most revealing lingerie!

5) All police investigations, require a visit to a strip club.

6) In order to humanise his character, an action hero shows no pain while taking a ferocious beating, but will wince when the leading lady tries to clean the same wounds.

7) Kitchens do not have light fixtures: it requires the opening of a fridge door, to provide any/all illumination.

8) If a Ferrari appears in a film, it MUST be destroyed.

9) If a town is threatened by a shark, volcano or serial killer, the town mayor's first concern is always the tourist trade!

10) No one ever locks-up a car. Not even in New York City.

11) The more a man and woman hate one another, the more likely they are to fall in love by the end.

12) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from ANY window in Paris!

13) All grocery bags must contain at least one stick of French Bread.

14) Even when they're alone, foreigners always speak English.

15) In a high-speed car chase, the driver/protagonist never misplaces his keys! In any other situation, the car has to be hotwired!

16) A 16-year old geek, will always be able to hack into any computer system, within two tries.

17) Every police force in the US, always contains two officers who are direct polar opposites, but are forced to work together, before eventually getting on quite well.

18) A single match is always enough to magically light up a room bigger than the Colosseum.

19) Every morning, American mothers always make their families huge breakfasts, for which no one ever has time to eat.

20) No one ever waits for change from a taxi driver, or a receipt. And they always pay the exact amount!

21) An action hero never faces charges for manslaughter or criminal damage, despite laying waste to whole cities at a time!

22) Any person awaking from a nightmare, must always sit bolt upright in bed and scream.

23) No one says hello or goodbye on the phone.

24) No one ever gets cut off when using a mobile phone, unless they're about to clear up the simple misunderstanding that's driving the entire movie along.

25) Any script problem can be solved, by hiring more writers.

26) One man shooting at 20, has a better chance of killing all of them, than 20 men all shooting at the one - particularly if the man in question is hopelessly shirtless.

27) Buildings always seem to house gigantic vertical shafts where the hero/heroine can hide and access any other room in the entire building, and where the enemy never seems to look for them.

28) Teenage pranks always end in tragedy.

29) A cough is the first sign of a terminal disease.

30) You car will always start first time, unless you are being chased by a serial killer, enemy of the family or genetically created monster, in which case it will stall, but magically turn-over just as the killer/enemy/monster reaches within one inch of you!

Pooch
 

Lex

Novice Member
As Homer would say...

"It's funny cos it's true!":D
 

Maria25

Novice Member
There are good samaratan laws, saying that if you need to destroy property in order to save lives, you are allowed to do so, therefore a superhero breaking apart a building, or even a city block in order to save people is completely within their rights, and can not be charged. In Americva we consider people's safety more important then property damage.
Police are most often paired in a young inexperienced one with a older very experienced one, so it makes complete sense that they would have a period where the older one would not trust the new one until theyr proved themselves. That should be obvious.
As forforeigners speaking English, as it is a film aimed at an English audience....UM DUH! This list is kind of funny...but mostly just stupid.
 

Maria25

Novice Member
And actually, I haven't noticed that many surprise witnesses in courtroom dramas. That happens more in comedy.
 
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