The amusing computer anecdote thread where IT people can patronise end users!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Setenza, Mar 16, 2006.

  1. Setenza

    Setenza
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    Just had an email from a member of staff, who needs to access "a VPL, so can he have a static IQ"?

    I've been cleaning my sandwich of my screen for the last hour as a result :rotfl:

    It's days like this that make it all worth while.
     
  2. GBDG1

    GBDG1
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    That is the best thing I have heard all day. Send him an e-mail back saying the only thing you can suggest is to wear tight white pants and as for his IQ...
     
  3. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
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    That is brilliant. I fondly remember my days doing support!:)

    We used to have a big poster in our machine room that read:

    System Error: Hit any user to continue!
     
  4. Uridium

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    I had a user the other day who asked for a new license "Dangler" for her PC.

    word she was looking for was "Dongle":D
     
  5. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
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    The correct responce was: Sure, I will bring around the support "dangler" in a jiffy!

    I have noticed that there does seem to be a direct correlation between the skill of the user and thier physical attractivness.
     
  6. captain chunk

    captain chunk
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    how about a thread for end users where we can boast about not being virgins and not smelling like roadkill.
     
  7. goatywoaty

    goatywoaty
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  8. ufitsy

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    As an NT admin we used to use "no profile" accounts for server admin, had a call from a director asking for one of those "low profile" accounts :D
     
  9. Ethics Gradient

    Ethics Gradient
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    why would you need to boast about not being a virgin and not smelling of road kill .... is this a major achievment you managed against all the odds ?

    Did you have a party when you worked out the technical instructions of using a shower and soap after only 15 calls to support ?


    ;)

    Note:

    navigate across the screen infront of you with your mouse - that's the buttony thingmabob by the side of your keyboard - move the pointer thingy over the 'Post reply' button on the page, then use the left button on your mouse to 'click'

    then enter any choice insults into the 'text box' and then click the 'submit reply' button on the page with you mouses left button.

    You have now conquered forum posting :)
     
  10. captain chunk

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    no luckily they moved the support to india so the new "engineers" could speak clear english. ;)
     
  11. LFCRules

    LFCRules
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    Best one for me was a user saying their cup holder wasn't working.......





    Yes, you guessed it, it was the CD tray in the desktop that wouldn't open, after lots of coffee cup abuse :)
     
  12. pringtef

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    Had a visit from one of the frequent pc harassed users, who explained that she has been having the same problem as previously, which one of the previous engineers had diagnosed as an "ID 10T" problem.

    Very difficult to keep a straight face!
     
  13. ransoman

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    Let's not forget the classic over the phone:

    It Support (me): Ok can you click on "my computer" for me?"
    User: your computer?

    Or, a true classic. "i require a Flat moniter to replace my big screen because i am worried that the radiation will affect my sperm count".
    ^and that is not a joke, 100% true.
     
  14. Seth Gecko

    Seth Gecko
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    Was Geri Halliwell the user by any chance ?
     
  15. ectoplasm

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    About three years ago I was given a PC to repair by an orthodox Hassidic Jewish bloke, beard, hat, tassels, the works.

    Anyway, aside from the mountain of spyware it had collapsed under, lo and behold I find a copy of Kazaa offering a folder rammed full of fat feeder fetish pornos for download.

    Fair play to the geezer, he knew what he wanted and how to get it. Although I nearly bit through my tongue when he came to pick the thing up...

    .
     
  16. klr10

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    Several years ago I remember a meeting with a very high powered executive of a well known supermarket chain. Their mainframe had ground to a halt due to a 'deadly embrace' (search on google for those of you who don't know what that is). The chap in question was mortified when several of us collapsed laughing when he asked us to explain the fatal attraction problem...:rotfl:
     
  17. HMHB

    HMHB
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    The other month I was on the phone to someone trying to sort out her problem. It was made more difficult as she was still using an old DOS system and it's not easy talking someone through typing in commands etc if they aren't up to it. A lot of people seem to assume that you can see what it says on the screen after they've typed something in, so I now ask straight away after them pressing return "what does it say on your screen now".
    The reply was "Dell".
    :suicide: "No, I mean what does it say on the tube bit of the screen, not the plastic casing around it" was my restrained reply.
    "C" was the reply.
    "No ! The bit between the c:> prompt and the other but that we have just typed in"

    There's no wonder I turn to drink is there :D
     
  18. mjn

    mjn
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    Haven't done end user support for 5 years now, and i don't miss it one bit! I have a mate who still does end user support, and every now and again, he'll e-mail me a classic.....i'll dig them out and post them here.
     
  19. NinjaBrewCommando

    NinjaBrewCommando
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    JohnG,

    Just noticed your sig. Been Seal Clubbing lately? Never did get a Dukla Prague away kit.

    :smashin:

    Saw them live in Blackburn once - pure genius.
     
  20. HMHB

    HMHB
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    :D Slightly off topic I know, but it's worth having a look at HMHB for some good stuff. They have an audio section with MP3s of various radio sessions that they have done in the past. These are rotated on a regular basis :)
    Edit - this month's selection is not the greatest though :(
     
  21. Mr Cat

    Mr Cat
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    who's general failure..? and why is he accessing my hard drive..?
     
  22. The Dude

    The Dude
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    Once had a guy (the MD) with a floppy disk stuck in the drive.... after a quick glance, it was fairly obvious the disk was in the wrong way round and upside down!! - not exactly an easy mistake to make? :rolleyes:

    When I took the PC back I told him what had happened, and dared to ask 'just exactly how did you get the disk that far in?'

    to which he pointed at his bookshelf and calmly replied 'I used a dictionary' :rotfl:
     
  23. mattuk72

    mattuk72
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    When I did tech support for a major US bank, a branch officer called me to say that she thought a daily statement for one of her accounts was incorrect. I ask her what the account number is and she says, "oh, I'll have to check and call you back". So she finally calls me with the account number, and I bring up the statement and it looks fine - opening balance combined with the day's transactions equals the closing balance. So I call her back and explain what I've found and ask if I've just misunderstood her query. And she says, "no, you're probably right. I hate figures". So why do you work in a bank then:(
     
  24. Marc

    Marc
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    my best ones would be:

    when the network admin at my last company decided to help a user who was having problems dialling into our system, he spent about an hour on the phone talking them through changing dozens of settings, then eventually found out what the problem was.. the modem was still in it's packaging!

    a user phoned up saying they couldn't get a cd to play in their cd-rom drive, and couldn't get it to eject either. I talked them through using the paper clip method to open the drive, thinking that the motor must have gone or something like that, but when they opened it, they were adamant that there was no cd in the drive.. in the end i couldn't figure it out and they sent their pc in to be looked at, and when i took a look, i found out they'd inserted the cd in the gap between the 5 1/4 inch drive bays and it was rattling around inside the case!

    and recently a user came and asked me if i could supply them with a wireless cable, that one made me laugh

    i'm sure i'll think of others but those are the ones that stick in my mind

    edit: just thought of the best one ever :D a user phoned up saying that their new usb device (dont remember what it was) wasn't being recognised in windows. I asked them to check if it was plugged in properly and they said it was in tightly, so i asked them to try the other usb port incase the first one had died. At this point, they told me there was only one of these ports on the computer. I knew which model they had and knew for a fact it had 2 so i was a bit confused to say the least. Anyway, after much describing of the back of the pc, i managed to find out that they'd plugged the usb device, wait for it.... into the SERIAL PORT!!! literally jammed it in over 3 of the pins!!!

    another edit: yep, thought of another one.. a user had asked if i could replace his port replicator, as it wasn't working properly anymore. i had a look and it did seem to be a bit hit-and-miss so i agreed to exchange it. I took his one away, brought the new one up, plugged everything into it, then got him to dock his laptop. He slammed it down pretty hard and obviously not quite central, as when i removed the laptop again after he complained it still wasn't working, the support pins were snapped off and the interface was squashed! So.. i had to go and get him yet another one.. makes you wonder why companies don't charge employees for their own equipment
     
  25. Miyazaki

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    :rotfl:
    That's not computer illiteracy, that's just stupidity.

    Why are people like this allowed to be born? :D
     
  26. grey fox

    grey fox
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    Hi Everybody

    I'm new to the site, got told about it by a mate as I was looking into buying a plasma etc.

    I do tech support for the company I work for and my all time classic was when I got called by user saying she couldn't insert a floppy into the drive. I asked her to check that there was no obstructions in side and she assured me there wasn't. So I went to her office armed with a spare drive just in case, and as soon as I walked in I could see the problem. She had re-organised her office and had somehow not noticed that her PC was upside down!

    On the other side of the coin I once had to call Dell to get a replacement part for a machne that was still under warranty. This was after they announced that they were moving most of their support to India. I was speaking to a guy with a thick accent called Mohommed. During a lull waiting for a reboot I casually asked him what part of India he was in. "Actually sir I am in Dublin".
     
  27. ectoplasm

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    Quality :laugh:
     
  28. Knyght_byte

    Knyght_byte
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    i work in a call centre (not tech support, advertising) and until recently there was a girl on my team called Tuhina, lovely girl, sadly for her she had a cut glass Queens english accent (having grown up in a well to do family in India, the lineage that preferred the days of the Raj)..........bearing in mind we are based in NW London.......so at least 5 times a day she'd get asked 'so love, you in bombay or calcutta?'......you'd know when she'd had one of those callers because straight after she'd be sitting there swearing blue murder at the screen.......lol

    in a vague sense of irony, she left the office a little while ago to go back home to india to raise lots of kids (her words...lol)
     
  29. Gary D

    Gary D
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    i was asked how to spell "password" last week.

    i was once asked what to do with a monitor that had flames coming out of the back.

    and had a guy who wouldn't check his cabling because "its not my job to check cables"


    Gary
     
  30. stealther

    stealther
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    Users seem slightly more clued up in my new job but in my last one I supported Boots The Chemist retail stores.

    Used to get "not my job to check cables" message all the time to which I replied that actually it was and that no one would be called out untill a faulty part had been diagnosed so if they werent prepared to carry out basic diags then nothing could be done to fix it.

    Lost count of the times people called to say there password doesnt work. "can you press the capslock button and try again".
    to which you get the reply
    "Thanks its working now":rolleyes:

    Also how many people think turning the monitor off is the same as turning the PC off?:D
     

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