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Stuff to brighten up your day!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by PoochJD, Jul 28, 2005.

  1. PoochJD

    PoochJD
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    Hi,

    I've found the following items on a trawl through the internet, and thought I'd post them here, for everyone else to enjoy! :D

    1) I AM THE VERY MODEL OF A USENET INDIVIDUAL

    This is by writer Tom Holt. With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan...

    I am the very model of a newsgroup personality.
    I intersperse obscenity with tedious banality.
    Addresses I have plenty of; both genuine and ghosted, too,
    On all the countless newsgroups that my drivel is cross-posted to.
    Your bandwidth I will fritter with my whining and my snivelling,
    And you're the one who pays the bill, downloading all my drivelling.
    My enemies are numerous, and no-one would be blaming you
    For cracking my head open after I've been rudely flaming you.
    I hate to lose an argument (by now I should be used to it).
    I wouldn't know a valid point if I were introduced to it.
    My learning is extensive but consists of mindless trivia,
    Designed to fan my ego, which is larger than Bolivia.
    The comments that I vomit forth, disguised as jest and drollery,
    Are really just an exercise in unremitting trollery.
    I say I'm frank and forthright, but that's merely lies and vanity,
    The gibberings of one who's on the limits of his sanity.

    If only I could get a life, as many people tell me to;
    If only Mum could find a circus freak-show she could sell me to;
    If I go off to Zanzibar to paint the local scenery;
    If I lose all my fingers in a mishap with machinery;
    If I survive to twenty, which is somewhat problematical;
    If what I post was more mature, or slightly more grammatical;
    If I could learn to spell a bit, and maybe even punctuate;
    Would I still be the loathsome and objectionable punk you hate?

    But while I have this tiresome urge to prance around and show my face,
    It simply isn't safe for normal people here in cyberspace.
    To stick me in "Old Sparky" and turn on the electricity
    Would be a fitting punishment for my egocentricity.
    I always have the last word; so, with uttermost finality,
    That's all from me, the model of a newsgroup personality.


    2) YOU KNOW YOU'RE LIVING IN THE 21st CENTURY WHEN...
    a) Your reason for not staying in touch with family is because they do not have an email address!

    b) You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

    c) Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.

    d) You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.

    e) Every commercial on television has a web site address at the bottom of the screen.

    f) You buy a computer and 3 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.

    g) Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.

    h) Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.

    i) You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.

    j) You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow!

    k) Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.

    l) Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.

    m) You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.

    n) You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.

    o) You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

    p) You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.

    q) You wake up at 2 AM to go to the bathroom and check your email on your way back to bed.

    r) You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)

    s) You're reading this! :devil:


    Pooch
     
  2. Gary D

    Gary D
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    Nice one pooch :thumbsup:


    Gary
     

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