Snake Eyes: G.I. Joe Origins Movie Review & Comments

Mr-Mixalot

Well-known Member
I had high hopes for this but as I liked the previous 2 but looks like I'm destined to be disappointed, might go watch Free Guy instead this weekend
 

Derek S-H

Distinguished Member
Hmm, the trailer didn't look too bad - oh well.

Got to disagree about the two "GI Joe" films, by the way - I actually have quite a soft spot for the first, but the only good thing about the second is the first few minutes and then it quickly falls off a cliff into generic blandness.
 

keithwiggins

Well-known Member

Evinger

Distinguished Member
I think more movies should be titled by pulling words out of a hat.
Or by just putting a "The" in front of a previous Movie Title?
 

lucasisking

Distinguished Member
Just went to see it against my (and Cas’) better judgement. So much wrong with it: from Henry Golding failing at an American accent, to the hyperactive DP, to the appalling acting, and those dreadfully unconvincing and inexplicable CGI snakes (perhaps the filmmakers were constricted by the source material). The completely avoidable ending that rewards the ‘hero’ and punishes the honourable guy (thus creating an enemy) is another facepalm moment.

At the same time, I didn’t find it entirely unwatchable. And there’s something ballsy about making the protagonist a lying, duplicitous git.

5/10 is spot on.

Anyone else notice the Baroness’ 10ft heels?
 

mooperman

Distinguished Member
ah shame.... was hoping for full nonsense ninja face off fun as opposed to full nonsense ninja face off naff... :D

i'll probably still watch it when it lands on digital :D
 

Casimir Harlow

Blu-ray Reviewer
Just went to see it against my (and Cas’) better judgement. So much wrong with it: from Henry Golding failing at an American accent, to the hyperactive DP, to the appalling acting, and those dreadfully unconvincing and inexplicable CGI snakes (perhaps the filmmakers were constricted by the source material). The completely avoidable ending that rewards the ‘hero’ and punishes the honourable guy (thus creating an enemy) is another facepalm moment.

At the same time, I didn’t find it entirely unwatchable. And there’s something ballsy about making the protagonist a lying, duplicitous git.

5/10 is spot on.

Anyone else notice the Baroness’ 10ft heels?

Yeah it did seem like there were a lot of plot points that were marked as check-boxes for the filmmakers

We need a Pit of giant bad CG Snakes that will kill you if you are not pure of heart (WTF??)
We need to set up a Storm Shadow film right? So, no matter how illogical it is, that's how this film is ending, got it?? Nobody will notice SS being the tragic hero and Snake Eyes being a duplicitous asshat.
We need to say the words "Shadow" and "Storm" together in the same sentence repeatedly. Do it subtly though, only the pure of heart will understand.
We need the good guys to line up as a random 'team', GI Joe style, because it's a GI Joe movie
We need the bad guy with a magic gem of pure destruction NOT to just nuke the site from orbit and to fight people one-on-one so that he stands a change of defeat.
Wait, remind me again why the ninja clan have a magical gem of pure destruction? Did it come free with the pit of snakes? Ah, makes sense.
 

lucasisking

Distinguished Member
Lol I did wonder what the gem’s limits were. It seemed to have enough energy to blow up bits of buildings, but I guess not a whole one. I guess the gem builders didn’t think big, darling.

I wonder if maybe the gem came from the heart of one of those snakes. Come to think of it, why not just hide the gem in with the reptiles? Their built-in evil-intention-o-meters should suss out would be thieves. Oh god this really isn’t the type of film to think about is it.
 

richp007

Distinguished Member
Well I for one am bitterly disappointed with your review Cas.

Where the hell is Nicolas Cage?


snake.jpg
 

Casimir Harlow

Blu-ray Reviewer

raduv1

Distinguished Member
Wow AVForums are really giving you below the under belly of the barrel scrapings to review . You must of been very naughty to deserve this crap ;) .

Not sure how many more bullets you can take for us 🤔, I appreciate that dedication though .
 
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bruce-leroy

Distinguished Member
I think 5/10 is very kind as its quite bad in almost every way conceivable (as you guys have already covered). They should have known that nothing good comes from using “origins” in the title. That was the first red flag. I actually quite liked Stephen Sommers’ GI Joe: Rise of Cobra - it had a sense of scale, good use of CGI, humour and actors that fitted the roles they were playing. It was a decent realisation of live action in the spirit of the cartoon, and I remember rather enjoying it. I wasn’t took keen on the sequel at all but Snake Eyes makes that look like high art in comparison. In those films, Snake Eyes (as embodied by Ray Park) had taken a vow of silence or something. He still manages to out-act Henry Golding’s version. Actually, its not the worst I’ve seen and more a case that he’s let down by the terrible script that is aiming for flawed hero but comes across as total ungrateful prick. Still shouldn’t be let anywhere near Bond though and perhaps stick to rom-coms in future. Andrew Koji actually fares better as Tommy but the amateurish writing is also a dagger to the heart of his character.

Haruka Abe’s Aiko at least adds a bit of bite to her “distrust of strangers with good reason” character but even then there’s no conviction at all to why she should become torn between her instincts, and inexplicably develops feelings for Snake - just to service the plot in the most contrived manner (remember, the events seem to take place over the course of a week - 2 weeks maximum). Elsewhere, let’s cast Iko Uwais - one of the finest martial arts stars on the scene - and not show off that prowess. Instead, we are to believe that Snake can go from a rough around the edges, underground brawler to a fully fledged samurai sword wielding ninja also in the space of what feels like a week. They couldn‘t even bothered to show any training montage sequences of progress like in the good old days. Ursula Corbero is more bottom of the barrel than Baroness. Another example of bad scripting - Baroness has just committed an act of terrorism killing a train full of passengers but, hey, lets team up to recover the Jewell that she herself wants!. A totally wasted Samara Weaving. The list goes on. You’re better off spending two hours watching De Palma’s Snake Eyes or Anaconda (at least that movie knows it is bad!)[/ispoiler]
 

aidey6

Active Member
This film is no higher than a 2, total garbage. The dialogue was total diatribe. The noisiest so called ninjas for quite sometime
 

BrynTeg

Distinguished Member
Absolute Dog Fudge 1/10.
 
I lasted an hour…that was enough & I really don’t mind bad films usually but I just couldn’t get into this at all.
 

Captainoats

Active Member
For me, the worst movie so far this year, even some of the Netflix movies were better than this!
Major waste of talent for Golding, Uwais and Mensah to put their names against this.
I think giving it 5/10 is very generous, for me it was a 2/10, purely for the fight choreography initially but then it got so repetitive it was a bore.
 

bruce-leroy

Distinguished Member
Golding is quite a one dimensional actor and best off sticking to rom com/girly flicks. He wasn’t very convincing either at playing gangster in The Gentlemen. Can’t believe he is being linked with 007. It has to be on merit not for the sake of diversity politics.
 

Captainoats

Active Member
Golding is quite a one dimensional actor and best off sticking to rom com/girly flicks. He wasn’t very convincing either at playing gangster in The Gentlemen. Can’t believe he is being linked with 007. It has to be on merit not for the sake of diversity politics.
100% agree with you. He was a lightweight gangster in The Gentlemen (which was an ace movie though) and he is better suited for rom/com which I have enjoyed him in. I think the Bond franchise would collapse if he got it (really don't think he's got a chance). Interesting you mention diversity politics, seems to be everywhere at the moment and throwing up all sorts of conversations!
 
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Golding was perfect in Crazy rich Asians & was pretty decent in a simple favour but everything else…not so much, he was badly miscast in this, I was hoping for some dumb fun but this was just dumb. No fun.
 

midknight

Distinguished Member
Absolute bobbins from start to finish. Boring, generic crap.I saw this the same week as Fast 9 and I feel dirty and sullied by two utter dog s*&t excuses for movies. Hollywood really has lost its way.
 

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