Some friends of mine think my obsession with the world of Ian Fleming's James Bond is boarder line certifiable. My collection includes over 130 various James Bonds cars, several tens of books and many many posters (original and re-prints) so when a new Bond is announced am to say a little excited. After MGM went belly up a few years ago, Mr Bonds world was literary shaken and stirred. Fortunately the cocktail settled and yet again the world would have there next sip. Now if you think my last few lines are a little cheesy and obvious then just wait until you see Skyfall, a 2 hour 23 minute drag of a film full of cliche dialogue and hokey acting. Picture the scene, Sunday 28th October 20:20 hours at the home of Bond premiers The Odeon Leicester Sq, London. A rain sodden cold dark evening, but nothing could dampen the crowds enthusiasm for what we were about to watch, the brand new James Bond film Skyfall. Inside the crowd buzzed, every new advert that came onto the screen was greeted with huge cheers, whistles and woop woops. I kept my eyes closed through out this 20 minute onslaught of product placement ads but this time in reverse, watches, after shaves etc etc, so even before the movie began we had pretty mush seen most of the action from the up coming movie in snippets of 30 seconds long. Three trailers showed, including Peter Jacksons reboot of LOTR triolgy, The Hobbit or when Peter Jacksons done with it The Quiteabit Long Hobbit. (Peter! Remove not add!) Then the lights dimmed and the certificate card was projected on the screen (in 8K oops sorry UltraHD+) the noise was huge as the whole cinema erupted with cheers etc. Then immediately the problem for me started, no classic gun barrel (again) opening just a shrill of two notes from the Bond theme to open the movie. Next was the opening action scene, that was a mix of old style analogue action and some pretty doggy cgi effects (why?!) after this ended and the new diva started warbling I was a pretty happy chappy, then I remembered The Dark Knight Rises beginning and how I thought that was going to be amazing. The next 2 hours 23 Mins dragged for me and I also think a large proportion of the crowd also, as that sixth sense feeling surrounded me. Where to start, Sam Mendes, yeah lets start there, some press etc said some while back, that at last Bond gets a great director, well sorry lets look at his track record and how it qualifies him for the job? American Beauty, a nice film I liked it when I saw it, but would I watch it again, No. Road to perdition his best work but paced accordingly to his kind of style, his work is always paced slowly and you can see this in Skyfall, it just doesn't work. The Bond franchise has had some amazing directors in its history and if I were one of those guys I would be enraged with comments like that are being thrown around. Peter Hunt Bonds editor for the first three Bonds and editor on The Ipcress File (Still today a master class in editing) and then he directed OHMSS, which is still a stand out Bond albeit a awkward star. Guy Hamilton director of Several Bonds is to me the Greatest of them all, he put the franchise on the map with Goldfinger, his own personal life experiences where added to the mix and Mr Kiss Kiss Bang Bang became the bond we all adore today. So Sam thank you but the cheques in the post. The acting, hokey stiff awkward these are words that spring to mind, when did Daniel Craigs Bond become Roger Moores Bond? Bad obvious quips and also when did Bond become a wordsman? He just didn't stop talking. I found myself saying under my breath 'Shut Up Daniel and Boom Boom' quite a lot through the film, thanks Basil. The only saving grace in this movie was Javier Badhairday Bardem, without doubt a master in acting ability, cheesy yet a wink in the eye. When did Bond also become a team player? did the producers want a link to the Olympics and have people routing for Team JB? Bond has always should be a man apart, a one man army, Skyfall felt and looked like an episode of Spooks. We were also introduced to a new Q, the stiff awkward dreadful written script just left me wanting to run home and ask my girlfriend who is doing a CGI animation course to somehow superimpose Desmond Llewlyn into Skyfall. Ben Whishaw (whos past work is superb) is the worse Q of them all, even John Cleese was somewhat (not a lot really) better. Naomie Harris was I'm affraid another actress who has and always will act like she is on TV, I don't see her acting the appeal myself, but unfortunately she will be back for the next movie. People say if you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything, well if we all took that as true, Mr Bond in his next movie might end end surfing in CGI world again and raising one eyebrow as he delivers another painful retort. Give me Quantum of Solace any day over this effort , and that was just average too.