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short film

Discussion in 'Camcorders, Action Cams & Video Editing Forum' started by roysboys, Feb 9, 2005.

  1. roysboys

    roysboys
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    Hi

    This is our first short no budget film. Its about 10 minutes long, was shot on a sony PDX10 and edited on premier & after effects.

    roysboys

    We are just after some feedback, so take a look and tell us what you think.

    Thanks

    Jon@roysboys :lease:
     
  2. Roy Mallard

    Roy Mallard
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    THE GOOD
    Very good, touches of 'spaced' about it, well done overall.
    Particualarly good graphics and animation in the dream sequence.

    THE BAD
    Too much dutch tilt (skewed camera) nice effect for certian subjects, to emaphasise speed or perspective, but overused here.

    There were a fair few jump cuts (I've made allowance for your rapid cut style)
    the continuity at the breakfast table is pretty bad, this sequence doesn't flow at all, you should start with a wide then go to a close up of each, not a wide shot of both then a close up of only 1 character.

    Your second shot should not simply be a zoomed in verison of your first, change the camera positon and height (though you've avoided the classic mistake of crossing the line - good) and it'll cut a lot shrper.

    Follow the mug, the continuity is poor (raised mug cut lowered mug) same goes for facial expressions etc this sequence has room for loads of motivation points for you to cut on (turns of heads, raising and lowering of aforementioned mug etc).

    Nice use of nd/grey grad on the outside shots, though a lot of your park stuff was badly exposed, you should not have light behind the subject unless you intend to go for a full sillouette (as you have successfully elsewhere), if you cant avoid it, use a reflecter to bounce light back into your subject so you can even out the exposure a bit accorss the frame.

    There are a couple of bits where it's really obvious that you've been using auto exposure (the exercise scene at the park bench, the tilt up over the collapsed tree, at the breakfast table where the main character exits, at the mirror scene) where the exposure level drops or rises very quickly. This is the hallmark of holiday videographers everywhere, you got a manual exposure mode on the PDX10, you should start using that more often.

    There were a couple of sequences that dragged a little, building up slow cross dissolves etc.

    I think you have done really well and it's got a lot going for it, but with a little more work could have been a lot better. Sorry if it seems like I'm giving you a hard time, I really enjoyed it I think it shows a lot of potential.

    If you want to respond please feel free.

    Roy
     
  3. thebrummy_one

    thebrummy_one
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    Thanks for sharing this and allowing feedback. This can only go towards helping all of us novices in refining our skills. Thanks also to Roy who took the time to answer giving good technical advice that I will most definetly borrow :smashin:
    My feedback;

    Good.
    Execellent use of sound during the transistions. lots of well timed swoops. I loved the electro gadget scene :rotfl:

    Bad (things that could be done differently)
    I think you could have spent more time learning your lines and doing more takes. As when you stumble over the words, the impedus of the scene is lost.
    I think you could have used "dump" in the 'tramps' sentence. This, IMO has more comic intonations. As does "****" in the electro gadet scene.
    When waking up, you could have had a longer fade in to the curtains followed with unfocused to focus to re-inforce 'awakening'
    You had the opportunity to do some sort of comic packaging with the branflakes as they were dominant in the kitchen scene.

    If you are submitting something to be reviewed, a tip I picked up at the Video Forum exibit in Earls Court was, put a time code on the footage. This way reviewers can refer to a time in the video rather than try to describe it.

    Roy, on that note, that is the guy's back garden, not a park :eek: How the others live ;)

    Overall it has been invaluable for me to watch this and read/form feedback as it highlights where I can improve in my own work.
    Good luck, Brum
     
  4. klr10

    klr10
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    I liked the film - I can see the points Roy is making, but as an amateur production I thought it was great :clap:

    I take it Roy that you are a professional. I found your critique of the film very interesting; do you, or have you considered offering training days? I have had a training day in the past with a BBC professional teaching me to use my XL1s, and I learned loads. He charged me £120 and paid for a pub lunch - a really good deal. I'd be prepared to do it again if the agenda was good enough.
     
  5. Roy Mallard

    Roy Mallard
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    I'm currently devising a consumer / prosumer HD course for people with intermediate camera skills, it'll cover skills that apply no matter what camera you use, but with a section on the specifics of HD & widescreen.

    I do some general video lecturing but this is more with a view to targeting buyers and owners of the sony fx1 and z1 hdv camera.

    I approached hove (channel islands publisher of camera guides) a few years back, but they weren't convinced that the camcorder market was stable enough to warrant specific model guides (the technology changes more rapidly than film cameras, & specific models don't tend to be in production for as long a still cameras).

    Open to other offers....
     
  6. thebrummy_one

    thebrummy_one
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    Hi chaps,
    Had some more thoughts on your piece.
    With the lift scene, how about slowing it down to half speed with some thumping matrix style music?
    The kitchen scene which is the focal point of the whole film. All things either lead up to this or from it. You need to emphisize the 'fat b*****d' line. As this is the set up for the punch line. (maybe exteme close up)
    You could also try swapping the exit to the other character. I think it will work just as well but you would leave the bearded fella dwelling over the word 'nemisis' in a mocking, disbeliving style. You could also use this scene to setup the dream sequence and reinforce the punch line with dialog along the lines of, "who you calling a F B, you might end up as my nemises" " your gut will be your nemises" etc. :)
    Brum
     
  7. roysboys

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    Thanks for the feedback,

    Any feedback we get back is helpful to us as this was our first attempt at making a short film. We are planning a new film for this year so its good to know what people thought worked and what didnt.

    Thanks again

    Jon@roysboys

    :thumbsup:
     
  8. Timse1981

    Timse1981
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    I thought the film was funny. I cant coment on the specifics of the camera angles and lightening effects as I dont know at lot about those things.

    I watched most of the film but I couldnt watch the last bit as the film didnt download, so when the little cursor got to the end of the downloaded section it started playing the clip from the begining again. I was also disapointed to see the film in such a small area of the screen.

    I liked the cartoon section. How long did it take you to make that section? I also liked the story.

    Tim
     
  9. roysboys

    roysboys
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    Cheers tim

    The camera angles were used as it is an homage to the super hero genre, maybe we overdid it a bit but hey, its our first try.

    The whole thing took a year from begining to end as everyone involved lives in different places (london, Birmingham). The animation was down to the guy who directed it but I think it took him a couple of months during his spare time. It was all done in after effects with the 3D stuff done in Maya.

    We are considering putting a downloadable version on the site so people can download the whole thing but its only been up a couple of weeks and its our first attempt so we are still learning. (we are going to put another pure animation piece up in the next couple of weeks so keep checking if you liked the last one)

    Thanks again for the encouragement as we are making another film this year its good to know people "get" what we are doing. :thumbsup:
     
  10. Timse1981

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    Roysboys you say the collective is based all over the country, do you belong to any particular offical organisation? Or is it just a collective? Where are you based? I am aslo from Birmingham and I am looking into joining a film club.

    Thanks Tim
     

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