Scammer scammed

jenic

Well-known Member
Found this on another forum, its long but worth a read :thumbsup:

What follows is an exchange of emails that I had with someone calling themselves "Jane Millar", after I placed an ad in the 'Houseshare Wanted' section of Brighton Gumtree. I have since had a look at these forums and seen this name in connection with quite a few scam attempts... at the time, though, I knew from the first second 'she' was a scammer because of the pidgin English and the general tone. So I decided to lead 'her' a merry dance, culminating in the final, sad, ludicrous email, since when I haven't heard anything back - although I'll update this post if I do. What is clear to me is these scummy morons are even more stupid than they think we are - read on and you'll see that even in the face of the most blatant, screaming insanity they will keep on making excuses, telling lies and trying to keep you onside just for a slice of your pie. Well folks, this is gonna be a long post, but I hope an eye-opening, enjoyable and progressively more balls-out strange one too. Enjoy...


Date: Thu, 3 Jul 2008 09:43:18 -0700
Subject: Furnished room in Brighton for rent

Hello,

I am Jane Millar by name,working as a wedding Planner.i am friendly and easy to get along with.

I am writing concerning your advert on my Gum Tree.i want to know if you are still in search of an room to rent in the city center of Brighton?if yes then do not hesitate to get back to me for more details.

I await for your response.Please i am not trying to be rude but i don't want a time waster,all i need is good flatmate.Thanks for your understanding.

My Skype name is Jane.Millar

Regards,
Jane

--------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Subject: RE: Furnished room in Brighton for rent
Date: Thursday, July 3, 2008, 4:46 PM

Hello Jane,

Yes - I'm still looking for a place. Please give me all the details.

Thanks,
Dom

-------------------------------------------
Date: Thu, 3 Jul 2008 18:28:31 -0700
Subject: Pictures of Furnished room in Brighton for rent

Dear Dominic,

Thanks so much for the interest in my flat,This is just a quick note to let you know some details about my Flat that you are interested in renting.

My flat is in Kings Road,Brighton,BN1 2GR and the Nearest Station is Brighton Station and Neighborhood is Central Brighton.The rent of the room per month including the Bills and utility Cost is 400 pounds and a security Deposit of 500 pounds which is refundable if you do not damage any of my properties in my Flat while your stay there.because if you do make any damages the money of the damages will be deducted from the security deposit while the rest will be refund back to you and if you do not make any damages then the whole amount of the money which is 500pounds will be refund back to you.

I am sending to you the pictures of my Flat so that you can get to see for yourself the place you will be living that is in a good and perfect condition..Do get back to me if you are very much ok with all this i have provided for you on my Flat so that we can proceed with the signing of the rental agreement and the payment in other for me to reserve the flat for you for the period that you want for your stay in My Flat And this are the requirement needed in preparing to you the rental agreement below:


1..Your name in full
2..Your address
3..Your Move in date and move out date
4.. A copy of your scanned ID in other to show the through identity of who you are. and passport number will be written on the Rental agreement to contain that you are the one to sign the rental agreement.

So get back to me with the required informations so that we can proceed.I am a wedding planner by profession.i will really appreciate it if you can tell me the specific date you want to move in to my Flat.thanks
Regards,
Jane

[Here are the pictures that came with the email:
Hallway: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Sitting_room.jpg
Lounge: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Livingroom.jpg
Bedroom: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Bedroom_2.jpg
Kitchen: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Kitchen.jpg
Bathroom: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Bathroom_2.jpg ]
-------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Subject: RE: Pictures of Furnished room in Brighton for rent
To: 'Jane Millar'
Date: Friday, July 4, 2008, 8:20 AM

Dear Jane,

The flat looks wonderful! I would very much like to move in. I have the money all ready for you. It is a very good price for that neighbourhood, being so close to all the amenities such as the swimming pool, the squirrel range and the famous Bilstrud Gleggunfleth. I trust the taps work and the cooker is bolted on correctly, so I will not need to inspect the flat before I move in, and here I am providing you with much of the details of which for you have asked:

1. Full name = Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin

2. My current address is 4 Battersea Park Rd, London, SW8 4AA. (Although currently I am elsewhere, staying with a group of nuns I met on holiday in Madagascar, partly because my toilet is blocked and also because I am trying to remove a backpack containing raisins from a storm drain for them to use in their rituals.)

3. My move in date is 29rd July; my move-out date is probably in 2rd September 210.

4. I do not have my ID with me because the police have confiscated it. I assure you I am not in trouble with the police; they took it because I was accused of hiding homosexuals. This was a mistake on the part of the accuser as I was in fact shielding a particularly small man from an angry child high on khat and walnuts. It was a mistake. I was also accused of having a homosexual hat. I do not have a homosexual hat. I will receive my ID back from the police next week.

So for this and today for me I will hope that, we can exchange money and contract, for that I, to move in to, the flat very soon.

Yours in Jesus,
Dominic

[NB: The address I gave is that of Battersea Dogs’ Home]
------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 06:20:33 -0700
Subject: RE: Pictures of Furnished room in Brighton for rent

Dear Dominic,

Thanks for the wonderful note you wrote to me which really gives me a rest of mind in finding a good person to rent my place.

I just wish that all you said in your mail was true because if it was indeed true then you are highly the best person to rent the room.

I will forward the details to my Lawyer for the preparation of the Contract but before this can you send the ID number and your date of birth as it will be needed on the contract?

Best Regards,
Jane

------------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Subject: RE: Pictures of Furnished room in Brighton for rent
Date: Friday, July 4, 2008, 2:37 PM

Dear Jane,

Thankyou for your quick reply. I can feel you guffing benevolently in my direction. I am eager to exchange the money and contracts as soon as possible so you don't rent your lovely flat to anyone else. Would it be possible to pay a few months in advance? I am glad that you deem me suitable of living there (I thought I may have trouble finding accommodation in Brighton following what I did on top of the clock tower in April with a live eel and a length of guttering; suffice to say I no longer mix schnapps with alphamethyltryptamine after eating Marmite!)

My birth date, as you have inquisitated, is the 14st of September, 1972. I was born under a harvest moon, and thereby according to Zoroastrian dietary law, my foreskin has been cleft in twain and thus am I deemed clean. This, as well as a bi-weekly sprinkling of Vim, means that your flat shall be in no danger from my residence within it.

Although my passport still rests in the hands of the police, I shall take every endeavour to secure its return; in the meantime I do recall that the ID number has the letters 'F', 'U' and the number 69 in it.

It is very lucky you are a wedding planner: I am pleased to announce to you that I will join my betrothed in a ceremony at the start of next year, and we would love to meet with you to discuss our plans and to hear your ideas for a grand wedding. My bride will be Miss Vaginaria Demerera-Pigg, daughter of Lance Corporal Quiffington Demerera-Pigg. He is one of the Gloucestershire Demerera-Piggs, and an esteemed member of the Royal Yeti Corps. At the moment Vaginaria and I are considering decorating the church with bunches of lilies and triffids, and perhaps a few sprays of cystitis. There will be a sit-down meal for two hundred, and we're thinking of starting with emaciated chav with a tobacco coulis, followed by felched coelocanth in a conker broth with candied elk. What do you recommend for a dessert? And how much do you charge for planning a wedding (including the outfits, honeymoon, eunechs, cutlery, and soil)? I am pleased to say that her father will be paying for everything, as his business selling Liverpudlians to the Chinese for use in soup is really booming at the moment.

I await your reply with baited breasts. Please don't rent the flat to anyone but me!

Yours in Jesus,
Dominic.

----------------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 14:02:33 -0700
Subject: Rental Agreement at last

Dear Dominic,

Some words in your mail are not clear to me.but here is the rental agreement as agreed.
Do sign it and send a copy to me.As for the payment you can get it done via western union and the details you will be needing is my name and address on the contract.

Thanks i await for your response.

Regards,
Jane

[Here is the rental agreement which came as an attachment with 'her' email:
United Kingdom Lease Agreement
This agreement is to sublet real property according to the terms specified below.

The Sublessor agrees to sublet, and the Subtenant agrees to take the premises described below. Both parties agree to keep, perform, and fulfill the promises, conditions and agreements expressed below:

1. SUBLESSOR: The sublessor is: Jane Louise Millar,66 Kings Road,Brighton,BN1 2GR,UK; Holder of Passport Number 038413015.
Date of Birth: 1st October 1983

2. SUBTENANT: The subtenant is: Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin, 4 Battersea Park Rd,London,SW8 4AA:Holder of this Identity Number ………………………

Date of Birth: 14th of September, 1972

3. PREMISES: The location of the premises 66 Kings Road,Brighton,BN1 2GR,UK.The premises being sublet are a part of Sublessor’s apartment under a Master Lease attached hereto and include the exclusive use of a bedroom ,bathroom, toilet , internet facilities , Phone, Microwave, washing machine, Dryer , Refrigerator, lounge/living room, kitchen, utility room, front and rear garden.

4. TERM: This sublease begins on the 29th of July 2008

5. RENT PAYMENTS: The rent is £400 per month including utilities,payable in advance with the security deposit.

6. AGREEMENT TERMINATION: The sublease agreement will terminate on 2nd of September 2010. Unless the Sublessor and Subtenant otherwise agree, there shall be no holding over under the terms of this sublease agreement. Upon termination, Subtenant shall give Sublessor possession and return the keys of the premises and remove all personal possessions and rubbish.

7. UTILITIES: The Sublessor shall pay all charges for utilities connected with premises in accordance with these Rental Agreement.

8. PROPERTY CONDITION: Subtenant agrees to surrender and deliver to the Sublessor the premises and all furniture and decorations within the premises in as good a condition as they were at the beginning of the term, reasonable wear and tear excepted. The subtenant will be liable to the sublessor for any damages, reasonable wear and tear excepted, occurring to the premises or the contents thereof, which are caused by the subtenant or her guests.

9. SECURITY DEPOSIT: Subtenant agrees to pay Sublessor a deposit of £500 to cover damages beyond normal wear and tear. Sublessor agrees that if the premises and contents thereof are returned to her in the same condition as when received by the Subtenant, reasonable wear and tear thereof excepted, she will refund to the Subtenant £500 at the end of the term, or within 30 days thereafter. Any reason for retaining a portion of the deposit shall be explained in writing within 30 days to the Subtenant.

11. ORIGINAL LEASE: This agreement is subject to these Lease between the Sublessor Jane Louise Millar and her Lessor , Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin

12. OTHER TERMS AND CONDITIONS

(a) Peaceful enjoyment: The parties each wish to peacefully occupy the premises during the term of this agreement. The parties agree they and their respective invited visitors will not
i. Commit any act which results in serious disruption of the rights of each to peacefully occupy the premises
ii. Commit any act which results in physical harm to the parties, a member of her household, visitors or neighbors
iii. Cause or allow invited visitors to cause a nuisance.
iv. Commit any form of harassment on the grounds of race, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, age or disability, which may interfere with the peace and comfort of, or cause offense to, each other, a member of her household, visitors or neighbors
v. Play or allow to be played any radio, television, record or tape recording or musical instrument so loudly that it causes a nuisance or annoyance to the other party.
(b) Use of Premises: The Subtenant agrees to use the premises for residential purposes and not to operate a business at the premises nor to use the premises for any illegal purposes.
(c) Access: The Subtenant agrees to allow the Sublessor’s agent or contractors acting on behalf of the Sublessor access at all reasonable hours of the daytime to inspect the condition of the premises or to carry out repairs or other works to the premises.
(d) Pets: The Subtenant agrees not to keep any animals on the premises without the prior written permission of the Sublessor.

13. SOLE AGREEMENT: The parties hereby agree that this document contains the entire agreement between the parties and this Agreement shall not be modified, changed, altered or amended in any way except through a written amendment signed by all of the parties hereto. (Any oral representations made at the time of executing this lease are not legally valid, and therefore, are not binding upon either party).
14. GOVERNING LAW. This Agreement shall be governed, construed and interpreted by, through and under the Laws of the United Kingdom

15. CONSTRUCTION: The words "sublessor" and "subtenant" as used herein include the plural as well as the singular. The pronouns used herein shall include, where appropriate, either gender or both, singular and plural.

17. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF COPY RECEIVED: Each party signing this sublease acknowledges receipt of a copy thereof.

18. LANDLORD APPROVAL: This sublease is not binding upon either party unless approved by the landlord as provided below, provided such approval is required by the original lease.
19. PAYMENT: The Tenant Will Pay the month Rents and Security Deposit in Advance to the Landlord before moving in to show a Good Sign of Seriousness and the Security Deposit will be refunded back to the Tenant
20. GUARANTY: A guaranty of Receipt will be issued out for the tenant for the Payment and that will be attached to a copy of the Rental Agreement and the tenant must bring a copy of the Rental Agreement and a copy of the Guaranty of Receipt Fund when coming to move in to the Landlord's Flat.

The parties hereby bind themselves to this agreement by their signatures affixed below on this 4th day of July 2008.

Printed Name of Sublessor:
1. Jane Louise Millar
Signature of Landlord
1.

Printed Name of Subtenant(s):
1. Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin Signature of Subtenant(s):
1.


I hereby give my consent as landlord to subletting of the above described premises as set out in this sublease agreement.

Printed Name of Landlord or Agent:
Jane Louise Millar Signature of Landlord or Agent: ]

--------------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Subject: RE: Rental Agreement at last
Date: Friday, July 4, 2008, 10:15 PM

Hello Jane!

I can't wait until we are flatmates! I have been trumping all day! I have printed out the tenancy agreement and showed it to the people who live in my bottom. Everything seems normal. I am ready with a total of £2,500 to pay on Monday morning from the branch of Western Union next to Philomena Whippy's Horse Strangling Emporium on Battersea High Street. This represents the security deposit plus five months' advance payment. It is money I have saved up mainly by hiring my sister out to straighten grass in squids' paddocks, using reclaimed crisp packets and the power of modern dance.

However, I noticed that the contract you sent me guarantees me 'the exclusive use of a bedroom ,bathroom, toilet , internet facilities , Phone, Microwave, washing machine, Dryer , Refrigerator, lounge/living room, kitchen, utility room, front and rear garden'. I feel particularly lucky to find a flat on Brighton seafront with both a front and back garden, but am dismayed to find no mention of 1) an ice-cream maker ; 2) a bubble machine; and 3) a water slide from the front door to the beach. If you can guarantee the flat will contain these three things when I move in, then I will be truly happy to pay the money to you on Monday.

I will also require the kitchen to be stocked with a supply of left-handed teaspoons, as I have been afflicted with left-handedness since an unfortunate accident with a vibrating celery annihilator in October 1982. The most important thing I require is a photograph of you - I would like to see who I am living with! This is very important because I like to see things which look good. I especially enjoy the company of fat women. If you can send me your photograph and provide me with these things, then we are all ready! In the meantime I enclose a photograph of myself. I hope you like it.

Please reply immediately because somebody else has offered me a flat with a built-in amusement arcade and 24-hour tattoo parlour.

I look forward to herring from you.

Yours in Jesus,
Dominic.

[Here is the photograph of 'myself' that I sent: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/DNGOLM.jpg ]

----------------------------------------------------
Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 16:55:28 -0700
Subject: RE: Rental Agreement at last

Dear Dominic,

I can hardly understand your questions.how do you mean by ice cream maker,a bubble machine and a water slide from the front door to the beach?

There are teaspoons in the kitchen.

I am also sending you my passport photograph.

Regards,
Jane

[Here is the so-called passport photograph sent by 'Jane': http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/me_and_friends1.jpg ]

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Subject: RE: Rental Agreement at last
To: 'Jane Millar'
Date: Saturday, July 5, 2008, 12:51 AM

Hello Jane,

I am sorry you did not understand my questions. An ice cream maker is a machine used to make ice cream. I thought you would have known this, as a wedding planner in Brighton, because of the tradition of the bride sitting on a seat made of ice cream at weddings in Brighton just before the hedgehogs are released. Do you have an ice cream maker? Please say yes.

You are aware that a bubble machine is a machine that makes bubbles; it is expected that all flats along the seafront will have this so the residents can fill the bubbles with geriatric hollandaise to use when under attack from seagulls. The best bubble machines are manufactured by U.R.B. Inmaida Fulov - but surely you know this already. The water slide is perhaps less important than these first two, but I WILL require an ice cream maker and bubble machine at the flat; it's the least I can expect if I'm paying two and a half thousand pounds!

Thankyou for the photograph. It is filled with lovely-looking people, each of whom I would like to roger thoroughly. I have a good feeling about this in my mimsy; my friend Brian, one of the birdmen of Arboria, already plans to come and see me in my new flat to help with the patchwork and ethnic cleansing!

Thankyou for checking the kitchen for teaspoons; however, before I attend the Western Union office, please confirm to me that they are left-handed teaspoons.

Between the balls of Saint Kenneth,
Dominic.

-----------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Millar
Sent: 05 July 2008 17:10:04
To: Dominic Martin

Dear Dominic,

It is not really that i don't understand what you mean in some area but the way you put the questions look somehow.

Well to answer your question,as you already know my profession that i am a wedding planner so i guess you ought to know that i will have all that you require as i also make use of it when working,i have the ice cream maker and just in case you like to make pop corn,i also have the machine in the Flat.

Also the Bubble machine is available.and all is in good condition.

I told you already in my previous mail that it is left-handed teaspoons.

I hope all this answers your question correctly?I await for your mail.

Regards,
Jane

---------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Sent: 05 July 2008 19:32:15

Dear Jane,

You are brilliant! I am so pleased about the ice-cream, bubbles and popcorn that I have been farting loudly to all my friends!

At the moment I am in a great place called Teykindapiss. Unfortunately I have had a family tragedy. My aunt, Pauline Mylegg, was yesterday run over by a Disney van delivering a consignment of kippers to a colony of leprous midgets loyal to Opus Dei who live in a teepee on a traffic island in Sherwood Forest. This means that for at least the first two months I live with you, I will have to look after my cousin Smegmal and his cat Bibble. I have attached pictures of both of them for you. Smegmal is a good child, but he is a bit 'special'. He likes glittery things, birthday cake and the Scottish EU fisheries policy. Also he is able to fit three kiwi fruit in his foreskin - this is his party trick, and he is always most keen to entertain visitors with it. He dislikes hoovers, mung beans, chutney and the word 'malapropism'. Bibble is an extremely highly-strung cat; she has had four heart-attacks, since which all the floor-level mirrors have been removed from her kennel. Luckily, she is easy to look after and is quite happy eating a small bowl of wilted yob, or a few slices of badger in ectoplasm. She likes chasing haggis and the smell of antennaes. Unfortunately, she also excretes shape-shifting parasitic worms, but these can usually be dealt with using tai chi and a couple of Gareth Gates B-sides. So don't worry about your carpets!

I have to ask you to do one thing for me - Smegmal really wants to see some photographs of where we will live. Please send me a photograph of the front of the building and a photograph of the garden, and also another one of you, so I can show them to everyone. But hurry, sweet lady, hurry!

Oh Jane, I hope that soon we will be together!

Wimbling the pendulous udders of the Queen Mother,
Dominic.

[Here are the photos I sent 'her'...
Smegmal: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Smegmal.jpg
Bibble: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/Bibble.jpg ]

------------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Sent: 06 July 2008 09:40:04

Jane,

Where are you? I asked for photos of the front of the building, the garden, and one more of you. Is our deal over? Should I look for somewhere else to live? Smegmal is so worried waiting for the photographs that he has chewed the head clean off his Michael Heseltine action figure.

Please send us the photographs immediately or I will have to consider our deal finished and spend this money on another flat.

Yours in Jesus,
Dominic

----------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Millar
Sent: 06 July 2008 10:26:12
To: Dominic Martin

Here is my picture with some friends.i don't have other pictures you requested for on the computer i am using here because i am here in Manchester now to meet Family.

[Here is the picture 'she' sent: http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj136/wom_biddum_biddum/meonright.jpg ]

----------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Sent: 06 July 2008 10:58:05
To: Jane Millar

Jane,

Okay, I hope you enjoy your time in Manchester with your family.

I found out from a friend in Brighton just now that 66 King's Road is the address of the Odeon Cinema. Wow! It will be so exciting to live in a flat inside a cinema, especially one with a front and back garden when more traditionally they have carpacks at the front and back. This explains why you have a popcorn machine! It all makes sense now. Please can you answer a few questions about this:


1) As a resident, will I be allowed to watch the films for free?
2) Am I allowed inside the projection box?
3) Will my sweetheart, Vaginaria Demerera-Pigg, be entitled to a discount on hotdogs?

If you answer these questions to my satisfaction, then get ready for payment from Western Union tomorrow!

In the blood of the blessed St. Noel Edmonds,
Dominic

----------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Millar
Sent: 06 July 2008 12:41:10
To: Dominic Martin

Dominic,

No it is not in a cinema but beside the cinema.

I am not the owner of the cinema so there is no way you will be allowed to watch for free.if you want any discount then that will be discuss with management not me.

Thanks,
Jane

----------------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Sent: 06 July 2008 13:05:04

Dear Jane,

What a pity I will not be able to see free films. I am very upset. I was particularly looking forward to watching "Black Tranny Hootenanny 8", starring Openda Blouse and C. Myjuggs (and Sir Ben Kingsley). It had a very good review by Melvyn Bragg in this month's edition of Quiff Maintenance Magazine.

Before I pay the money tomorrow, please send me a full list of your services and prices as a wedding planner. We have £16,200 to spend on the wedding - perhaps we can pay you to help us plan it?

Gulping the hot fusilli of Her Holiness Dot Cotton the Redeemer,
Dominic.

--------------------------------------------------------------
From: Jane Millar
Sent: 06 July 2008 21:01:21
To: Dominic Martin

Dear Dominic,

I believe we can sit down to talk about this because i need to know the type of wedding and the way you want the wedding to be.
So, i suggest that we should meet when we live together to talk about this.

Regards,
Jane

-------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Dominic Martin
Sent: 06 July 2008 22:13:07

Okay Jane,

We will talk about this when we are living together. Right now though, I'm off into town with my friends to have a late meal because I'm so, so happy about moving in to live with you in Brighton! I am not only engorged and tumescent but abnormally distended - it's great!

Goodnight sweet lady, and I hope the fragrant appendages of Eamonn Holmes descend on you in your sleep.

Wibble,
Dominic

----------------------------------------------------------
12:07 PM
07 July 2008
Re: Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin

Dear Jane Millar,

My name is Frottage Cable O'Gravy Martin and I am the sister of Dominic Nitbread-Green O'Labia Martin. My husband, Gweff, and myself have discovered e-mails in my brother's inbox from yourself, and it seems you were having a continuing correspondence with him.

Jane, it is my sad duty to inform you that our beloved Dominic is no longer with us on this planet. Last night, he was celebrating his imminent move back to Brighton with a meal out, accompanied by friends. But while squatting in some bushes after a very heavy fish supper and several pints of glob, he suffered a direct hit on the nubbin from a ceremonial plastic wobbegong which was hurled at him by a group of Welshmen celebrating National No Parking Day. A passing flump reported them to the army and they were taken to the Queen's barracks, where they claimed Dominic had been struck by a meteorite from the planet Meldak. The investigation is ongoing. The doctors at Harold Shipman Memorial Hospital did everything they could to save my brother, but our poor dear angel was pronounced dead at 04:19 am, and immediately underwent discombobulation in compliance with Zoroastrian dietary law.

This is a great loss to mankind, and we are all highly graped. Miss Millar, I urge you not to be sad but to remember all the good things Dominic did. He was a superb shot-putter, a first class yodeller, an expert on (and practitioner of) medieval serf-tossing, a consummate lycanthrope, handy with a garotte, and of course the leader of B'Flesk, his Ulster marching band, which was priveleged to be invited to play reggae to no less than four visiting Popes, most recently at the opening of the 72nd Homosexual Games in Jimmysomerville.

We have retained the stool which was Dominic's last living act of human creation. It will be preserved in aspic before being sliced into seventy sections, symbolising stability, sanity and the salt of the Earth. Each of these will be mounted on a length of buffed woganite and blessed by our guru, Ninny Vamos-Kinnock. Jane, we would like you to have one of these. Please let us have the address you wish it sent to. It will be sent via Royal Mail's Next Day Crustacean Service, so someone will need to arrange to be at home to sign for it when it arrives.

We have yet to finalise the date and time of Dominic's farewell brelge-squench. We ask though that instead of wasting money on flowers, you send a contribution of twelve chegwins to North Yorkshire Centaur Rescue (registered charity OU812). My brother's epidermal love, Miss Vaginaria Demerera-Pigg, is desperate to sing their favourite song to the gathered grievers as he is sent off to the next world. This is "Ghostbusters" by Ray Parker Junior, but she is so beside herself with grief that we fear the words will come out like mankered emeldrons.

As you can understand, this is a difficult time for us, especially since we haven't really yet recovered from what happened to Uncle Eldritch at the Ostrich Park. However, we take comfort from our knowledge that one day soon we will all be in the bosom of Jimikranki.

Jane, for the kindness you showed to my late departed brother, we pray you will be covered in the goodness of St. Agur.

Yours sincerely,
Frottage C. O'G. Martin.
 

PJTX100

Distinguished Member
If you like this sort of thing read through the letters archive on this site.

http://www.419eater.com/

Includes vids and audio recordings of the scammers turned scammees.

Some of their artwork and sculptures are pretty good actually. :D
 
Brilliant - did Jane ever send a message on behalf of the deceased? :rotfl:
 

steptoe

Novice Member
well done ,very funny :rotfl:
 

BandWidthJunkie

Well-known Member
Brillant! :rotfl:

What a fantastic imagination to come up with such utter dribble for so long!
:clap:
 

figoagogo

Distinguished Member
Nice - very funny...

Only problem is, I would be more satisfied if said scammer was caught and beaten to a pulp in full view. :D
 

Loftusrd1980

Active Member
Nice - very funny...

Only problem is, I would be more satisfied if said scammer was caught and beaten to a pulp in full view. :D

I agree :devil:

OP, laugh out loud moment :thumbsup:
 
Last edited:

sparkoss

Active Member
If you like this sort of thing read through the letters archive on this site.

http://www.419eater.com/

Includes vids and audio recordings of the scammers turned scammees.

Some of their artwork and sculptures are pretty good actually. :D

That was pretty funny, you beat me to the 419 website, one of the scammers tattooed himself for money he would never get! awesome:rotfl:
 
Last edited:

jolly

Well-known Member
outstanding:D


:thumbsup:
 

wormvortex

Member
damn, gonna need to set an evening beside to read this. More important things to do right now, namely get ready to go down the pub:D
 

PJTX100

Distinguished Member
That was pretty funny, you beat me to the 419 website, one of the scammers tattooed himself for money he would never get! awesome:rotfl:


I particularly like the one with all the Gillian Anderson pics. For obvious reasons. :D

The tattoos are great, as are the laborious and expensive sculptures which tend to get damaged by rodents in transit. :D

But the ones where they get them to transcribe whole books, or to meticulously copy ordnance survey maps are particularly mischevious. :devil:
 

wellladida

Novice Member
Would've thought they'd get sussed out with some of the OTT they said as soon i saw the scammer say western union I :rotfl: then :rolleyes:
 

sparkoss

Active Member
"shiver metimbers" of 419 is a legend! Makes for very entertaining reading.
 

The latest video from AVForums

Samsung S95B QD-OLED Review - A Quantum Leap for OLED!
Subscribe to our YouTube channel

Latest News

Amazon Prime Day 2022: 12-13 July
  • By Ian Collen
  • Published
PSB Speakers unveils Passif 50 loudspeaker
  • By Ian Collen
  • Published
Samsung Gaming Hub goes live
  • By Ian Collen
  • Published
Huawei unveils FreeBuds Pro 2 true wireless earbuds
  • By Ian Collen
  • Published

Full fat HDMI teeshirts

Support AVForums with Patreon

Top Bottom