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Quick Friday Joke

Geordie Jester

Prominent Member
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is
to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I'll know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom
Cruise?"

"No drama's boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door
and Tom Cruise shouts, "Dave! What's happenin?!? Great to see you! Come on
in for a beer!"

Although impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells him that he thinks Dave's knowing Cruise was just
lucky.

No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Dave on the tour and
motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just
on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a
cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After
they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who
again implores him to name anyone else.

"The pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Dave. "My folks are from Germany, and I've known the Pope a
long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in
Vatican Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the
Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so
let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough,
half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony but by the
time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is
surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came
out on the balcony and the man next to me said,

"Who the f*#k's that on the balcony with Dave?"
 

Drd

Prominent Member
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?

The bee answered,






































BP!!!!
 
arf :D

There once was a buoy. He was a very special buoy because he was an inflatable buoy. When it was time to send him to school, he went to an inflatable school; they had an inflatable headmaster, inflatable teachers, inflatable classrooms, inflatable desks. Because he was such a special buoy he got a lot of attention, it all went to his head and he started to misbehave. One day, he got a pin and went round the school pricking everything, teachers, chairs and tables and the headmaster!

He was summoned to the headmaster's office.

"I'm very disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let the teachers down, you've let the school down..."
 

John Simon

Prominent Member
arf :D

There once was a buoy. He was a very special buoy because he was an inflatable buoy. When it was time to send him to school, he went to an inflatable school; they had an inflatable headmaster, inflatable teachers, inflatable classrooms, inflatable desks. Because he was such a special buoy he got a lot of attention, it all went to his head and he started to misbehave. One day, he got a pin and went round the school pricking everything, teachers, chairs and tables and the headmaster!

He was summoned to the headmaster's office.

"I'm very disappointed in you. You've let me down, you've let the teachers down, you've let the school down..."

Did he not also let himself down?
 

jolly

Prominent Member
:clap::clap::clap:
 

edwardtickle

Established Member
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
 

geomuss

Established Member
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

:devil::rotfl::rotfl:
 

Drd

Prominent Member
How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married? For those of you who have any questions, or misplaced envy, this should clear it up:

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is cheques.

LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When you couldn't give a ****
MARRIAGE -When your only concern is what's on TV.

LOVE - When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST - When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
MARRIAGE - When your farewell is a relief.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in the football score
 

jolly

Prominent Member
:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
 

steptoe

Established Member
why are women like condoms



because they spend more time in your wallet than they do on your ****!
boom boom
i thankew
 

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