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POEMS

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serpico77

Distinguished Member
I recently started to write poems on how I was feeling or how people feel in life when times are hard. The poems help me express how I feel.
Some are sad and others are happy or about every day life.

I would like to know how I could improve my poems and if they are of any good.

See poem below

Lost in the crowd
Nowhere to be found
Can nobody see me
Can nobody hear me
Feeling so down
Handful to swallow
Slowly drifting away
Too late to turn back
What have I done
What have I left behind
Im sorry if you cared
Too late to turn back

Hope you enjoy!!
 
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serpico77

Distinguished Member
Suffocating on my thoughts hoping to breathe again
Trying to crawl back out of this hole
From despair to where
Out of the dark and into the light
The rays of light are temporarily blinding
The air I breathe makes me gasp for more

Suffocating on my thoughts
Please help me to breathe again
Take a note of what I have done
Fill in the hole
Close all paths that lead the way

Breathe again all on my own
Feel free and alive
Breathe again, breathe again
 

DrapedInDarkness

Distinguished Member
I'm so sorry to me its a crime
When a poem does not rhyme
It has no rhythm when it does not rhyme
It makes me sad all of the time

The fault is mine I readily admit
I really can be such a twit
But despite all it can be a hit
Just to rhyme a little bit

I'm a poem junkie this is true
The fault with me and not with you
I know this now through and through
And admit our number is far too few

So I applaud the effort and the time
To create a poem that does not rhyme
The Words have meaning so not a crime
And I prefer them much more than a mime :laugh:
 

serpico77

Distinguished Member
I'm so sorry to me its a crime
When a poem does not rhyme
It has no rhythm when it does not rhyme
It makes me sad all of the time

The fault is mine I readily admit
I really can be such a twit
But despite all it can be a hit
Just to rhyme a little bit

I'm a poem junkie this is true
The fault with me and not with you
I know this now through and through
And admit our number is far too few

So I applaud the effort and the time
To create a poem that does not rhyme
The Words have meaning so not a crime
And I prefer them much more than a mime :laugh:

to me thats sounds more like a nursery-rhyme :laugh:
 

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DrapedInDarkness

Distinguished Member
Dr Seuss was a hero I truly admire
And of rhyming I never tire
Even when they seem quite dire
They burn within like a fire

So my hat I tip to such as you
Who see around the rhyming clue
And just do as you want to do
Thumbing noses at me and saying oh poo :D
 

Sloppy Bob

Distinguished Member
Beans, Beans good for the heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart the better you'll feel
So let's have beans with every meal.
 

hufartd

Established Member
On yonder hill
There stood a coo
It’s no there noo
It must have shifted.
 

Sloppy Bob

Distinguished Member
Little drops of water upon the public toilet floor.
Use up a lot of elbow grease and make the toilet porter sore.
So please kind friends, remember.
Before the water flows.
Do adjust the distance, according to your hose.
 

rousetafarian

Moderator
I think the OP needs to change his target audience - 'cos it ain't here :lesson:
It’s either that or it turns into limerick thread where the next person adds one line....however I fear that may need some heavy moderation.

‘There once was a lady called Fanny.....’
 

phil t

Prominent Member
Once spotted:
Here I sit, broken hearted, thought I s..t but only farted.

Someone answered:
Do not die of a broken heart, coz one day you'll s..t when you only wanted to fart
 
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D

Deleted member 498601

Guest
I think the OP needs to change his target audience - 'cos it ain't here :lesson:

@serpico77, I agreed with this post, not because your poetry isn't any good, but I can just see this thread turning into a bit of a...oh, too late!

I've said it to those that know me well, I'm really quite jealous of anyone with any kind of creative talent at all. My mind is too, I don't know, 'digital' for want of a better word. My wife has commented before that she thinks I'm on the autism spectrum; I struggle to see outside of what I see or hear, things are either right or wrong, black or white - very little grey area at all :( I'm good with facts and figures, numbers etc. I think that's what gives me a sense of confusion when reading a poem or looking at art, none of it 'moves' me in any discernible way...

But, with all that in mind, please do keep writing your poetry, I'm certain that more people will love it than not :thumbsup: - the same goes to anyone else that was writing with any degree of seriousness :)

edit: I forgot to add; I'd LOVE to write a book, I really enjoy reading, but alas, I don't have whatever it takes to get a thought straight enough to write one! The same goes for music, painting, drawing - I'd love to be any good at anything creative.
 

Apsilon

Senior Moderator
Closed at OP's request.
 
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