Parenting - General Chat

My wife has 2 kids from previous marriage, boy 17 and girl 15. I've been with her for 8 years and they were cute little things but now they are simply dicks. Boy has no social skills at all and to put it bluntly is thick as pig sh*t out of school due to being lazy, 15 hour xbox days at weekend and the girl thinks its cool to be cruel and sassy and nasty to her family, showing off with her friends.
Can only help with one; the wifi "accidentally" dropping out all the time ;) The girl, well, I hope mine isn't like that.

She's almost 2 and prefers sticking a hand in a dirty nappy and handing me a turd.
 
I've set up an Alexa Smart plug attached to my boys' Wii.

I'll ask them to wash hands for dinner / or get their pjs on or whatever once. If they've not come in within about 90 seconds, I'll say, very loudly, 'Alexa.....' and the pair of them are sat at the table / running up the stairs within seconds.

#lifehack
 
I don't think we can overstate how dangerous and addictive video games are to children.

We're a far cry (pun intended) from the olden days of Amstrad CPCs and Mega Drives.

Modern devices are like crack to these kids. Sadly too many parents take the easy option (during lockdown at many points, myself included).

With my boys I'll at least try to rotate their exposure - So an hour on the Wii, and hour on their Ipad etc. Rather than sitting all day glued to the screen.
 
I honestly think my eldest step son 16 will make life decisions based on his Xbox time it's that bad. He's turning into a knob, lazy, answering back, worst is the lies all the time, all he does is lie to get what he wants or not get in trouble. The sneakyness as well, like banning him from his phone at night so he buys a cheap spare one to stay up till all hours on snap chat. Got caught when I heard it go off in his room. He's very young for his age and has been mummied by his mum and even his younger sister. Sadly I think he will go the way of his dad despite being intelligent there is just no real world common sense or enthusiasm unless it's his Xbox.
Kill the WiFi for his devices only. He can have it back when he pays rent etc!

I had to pay "rent" from 16 until 18 - £20 a week. Horrible at the time, but I got the Education Maintenance Allowance to encourage attendance for A levels. £30 a week, but my parents said I couldn't have it unless I gave them £20 of it (needed adult signature).

When I was 18, it was £50 a week while I worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week before Uni.

Horrible. Hated it and still think it was harsh, but it made reality hurt a lot less. I thought they were putting the money aside, but no - they spent it!
 
Sounds like there's too much conflict, the tyrant wont work, all that will happen is alienation.
In my case this has lasted a lifetime, yes me and my dad speak, however the transition from boy to teenager was handled with punishment after punishment, endless lectures about how much trouble I caused.
I can hear his voice now.
Teenagers need guidance, encouragement, don't let these yrs destroy the family.
 
I'm glad to see others are having the same problem, sad to say.

I've now blocked tiktok, Snapchat on the router from 9pm till 10am as I caught him chatting at 0125hrs to his friends. He's 12. His grades are good, although he states he's not learning anything, which is a battle.

I honestly fear for the future, the gaming generation is a lost generation and covid is making it worse.
 
Sometimes though, do you not think (having taken a step back) that other parents are largely part of the problem?

Other parent buys a kid a phone at a young age. iPad. Xbox.

The pressure is immense, yet we all know we shouldn't succumb to it. Yet we probably do. Nobody wants their child to be left out, but the parents that let kids do things at too young an age are really what grinds my gears...
 
A race to the bottom :(
 
We've heard and read on texts our eldest referring to me and his mum as ****s and pricks as we banned him from his Xbox. His biological father wants nothing to do with him and tbh he's not bothered back either. He shows no care to family even during the loss of family members etc. I'll admit I struggle with him as I can see the real him and what he's like, a mothers love can make you a little blind. He constantly lies to make people feel sorry for him. You could let him go on his xbox for 14 hours yet he will be upset and angry cos he's not allowed 15 hours on it.
Maybe he thinks you're not being fair, his definition of fairness will differ from yours, rigidly adhering to rules and brow beating just wont work. He'll look for loopholes, and he already has.
Teenagers think and understand complex abstract situations, so he'll argue back, or sneak around if he thinks you're not being fair, or he'll be obtuse just because he can.
Younger children respond to direct black and white thinking and discipline. Do as I say just wont work with teenagers, listening will.

I've brought up a step daughter, my strategy was just to be chilled, they're forming an identity, and need the freedom to express their convictions. Partner at the time used to argue and belittle her, manipulate with threats (I'll throw you out etc). Often their thoughts don't make any sense to anyone but themselves, they're not us or you, let them express it.
I used to ask her want she wants, then listen, then compromise, then eventually, just let her make her own decisions, trusted her.

Compromise, it's better than arguing over every raised eyebrow or slight, teenagers need guidance not shackles.

My own dad resorted to violence and terrorising me, belittling me, ground me down, I stubbornly refused to cooperate, eventually I left at 17/18, I was wayward for yrs post leaving.
I still have issues with authority now, quite sensitive to advice and criticism, even from my partner and certainly in the scope of the construction industry where being bombastic is the norm.

I've spoken to other men about tyrannical fathers, underneath there's a lot of resentment and anger.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Rock and a hard place. Be tough, be soft, talk, don't talk, its a constant battle, but no-one said it would be easy.
 
In my experience, they desperately want to be listened to, to recieve attention and to feel like they are being treated like an adult.
But all these things are a childs perception of what they think it means, not really how things really are.
I'm learning to not pick up the kids on every slight transgression, but I do make them aware that I noticed it.

Sometimes when we are at loggerheads, I tell them that I don't know what to do and I ask them what I could do to get them to do what I want, or what could they do to get me to do what they want.. it never solves anything but it does open up communication and changes everyone mindset. That alone often helps.

Sometimes when my eldest is just being silly and pig headed I am able to keep my cool and say to him "it's ok, I don't expect you to understand. Hopefully you will when you are older but your brain is still going to be growing for another 10 years or so yet".... That winds him down a bit as he is what enough to know I'm right and it's true and there isn't anyway he can argue with it or agree with it without losing face... 😁
 
Parents: let's all celebrate Friday night knowing next week we can stop the daily fight to do schoolwork!
 
Parents: let's all celebrate Friday night knowing next week we can stop the daily fight to do schoolwork!
I've been "celebrating" for several weeks now, how else would I justify the alcohol intake at any and all times?
 
Parents: let's all celebrate Friday night knowing next week we can stop the daily fight to do schoolwork!

Tuesday night for me. The school are dedicating Monday and Tuesday to testing.
 
I've been "celebrating" for several weeks now, how else would I justify the alcohol intake at any and all times?
Pfft bloody key workers
 
Pfft bloody key workers
I think you're getting the wrong impression... Both Mrs and myself have been working from home since the start of this saga, kid's been at home with us, and given how the school has handled it we've basically been doing another part time job between us. No key worker magic here, just barely sustaining some semblance of not going totally crazy...
 
I think you're getting the wrong impression... Both Mrs and myself have been working from home since the start of this saga, kid's been at home with us, and given how the school has handled it we've basically been doing another part time job between us. No key worker magic here, just barely sustaining some semblance of not going totally crazy...
Ohhhhhhhh I read that as you celebrating kids already back 😂😂😂😂

Now I get it...!
 
Parents: let's all celebrate Friday night knowing next week we can stop the daily fight to do schoolwork!

We stopped the fight - if they turn in a couple of maths sheets in the morning they are done. Just feels like a long holiday now :laugh:
 
We stopped the fight - if they turn in a couple of maths sheets in the morning they are done. Just feels like a long holiday now :laugh:
Five year.old doesn't get that once it's done, he can play...sigh...but state funded babysitting next week!!

But yes quite a long holiday really.
 
Five year.old doesn't get that once it's done, he can play...sigh...but state funded babysitting next week!!

But yes quite a long holiday really.

Our min is 7 - I would have thought in Infants it would be free period 9-3 ;)
 
Five year.old doesn't get that once it's done, he can play...sigh...but state funded babysitting next week!!

But yes quite a long holiday really.
Same age here; she's sometimes happy enough to play by herself, more often than not she doesn't want to and wants one of us with her. Can't blame her really, I feel really bad for her nowadays, and I feel guilty...
 

The latest video from AVForums

Is 4K Blu-ray Worth It?
Subscribe to our YouTube channel
Back
Top Bottom