We've heard and read on texts our eldest referring to me and his mum as ****s and pricks as we banned him from his Xbox. His biological father wants nothing to do with him and tbh he's not bothered back either. He shows no care to family even during the loss of family members etc. I'll admit I struggle with him as I can see the real him and what he's like, a mothers love can make you a little blind. He constantly lies to make people feel sorry for him. You could let him go on his xbox for 14 hours yet he will be upset and angry cos he's not allowed 15 hours on it.
Maybe he thinks you're not being fair, his definition of fairness will differ from yours, rigidly adhering to rules and brow beating just wont work. He'll look for loopholes, and he already has.
Teenagers think and understand complex abstract situations, so he'll argue back, or sneak around if he thinks you're not being fair, or he'll be obtuse just because he can.
Younger children respond to direct black and white thinking and discipline. Do as I say just wont work with teenagers, listening will.
I've brought up a step daughter, my strategy was just to be chilled, they're forming an identity, and need the freedom to express their convictions. Partner at the time used to argue and belittle her, manipulate with threats (I'll throw you out etc). Often their thoughts don't make any sense to anyone but themselves, they're not us or you, let them express it.
I used to ask her want she wants, then listen, then compromise, then eventually, just let her make her own decisions, trusted her.
Compromise, it's better than arguing over every raised eyebrow or slight, teenagers need guidance not shackles.
My own dad resorted to violence and terrorising me, belittling me, ground me down, I stubbornly refused to cooperate, eventually I left at 17/18, I was wayward for yrs post leaving.
I still have issues with authority now, quite sensitive to advice and criticism, even from my partner and certainly in the scope of the construction industry where being bombastic is the norm.
I've spoken to other men about tyrannical fathers, underneath there's a lot of resentment and anger.