Parenting - General Chat

Qactuar

Distinguished Member
My wife has 2 kids from previous marriage, boy 17 and girl 15. I've been with her for 8 years and they were cute little things but now they are simply dicks. Boy has no social skills at all and to put it bluntly is thick as pig sh*t out of school due to being lazy, 15 hour xbox days at weekend and the girl thinks its cool to be cruel and sassy and nasty to her family, showing off with her friends.
Can only help with one; the wifi "accidentally" dropping out all the time ;) The girl, well, I hope mine isn't like that.

She's almost 2 and prefers sticking a hand in a dirty nappy and handing me a turd.
 

rustybin

Distinguished Member
I've set up an Alexa Smart plug attached to my boys' Wii.

I'll ask them to wash hands for dinner / or get their pjs on or whatever once. If they've not come in within about 90 seconds, I'll say, very loudly, 'Alexa.....' and the pair of them are sat at the table / running up the stairs within seconds.

#lifehack
 

brad123

Well-known Member
I honestly think my eldest step son 16 will make life decisions based on his Xbox time it's that bad. He's turning into a knob, lazy, answering back, worst is the lies all the time, all he does is lie to get what he wants or not get in trouble. The sneakyness as well, like banning him from his phone at night so he buys a cheap spare one to stay up till all hours on snap chat. Got caught when I heard it go off in his room. He's very young for his age and has been mummied by his mum and even his younger sister. Sadly I think he will go the way of his dad despite being intelligent there is just no real world common sense or enthusiasm unless it's his Xbox.
 

rustybin

Distinguished Member
I don't think we can overstate how dangerous and addictive video games are to children.

We're a far cry (pun intended) from the olden days of Amstrad CPCs and Mega Drives.

Modern devices are like crack to these kids. Sadly too many parents take the easy option (during lockdown at many points, myself included).

With my boys I'll at least try to rotate their exposure - So an hour on the Wii, and hour on their Ipad etc. Rather than sitting all day glued to the screen.
 

brad123

Well-known Member
I agree. Did anyone watch the Yorkshire Job centre TV programme. Every case where it was obvious they were just work shy dossers who wanted a free ride they had an xbox and spent all day playing on it. Not saying this is the norm but a worrying trend surely.
 

Qactuar

Distinguished Member
I honestly think my eldest step son 16 will make life decisions based on his Xbox time it's that bad. He's turning into a knob, lazy, answering back, worst is the lies all the time, all he does is lie to get what he wants or not get in trouble. The sneakyness as well, like banning him from his phone at night so he buys a cheap spare one to stay up till all hours on snap chat. Got caught when I heard it go off in his room. He's very young for his age and has been mummied by his mum and even his younger sister. Sadly I think he will go the way of his dad despite being intelligent there is just no real world common sense or enthusiasm unless it's his Xbox.
Kill the WiFi for his devices only. He can have it back when he pays rent etc!

I had to pay "rent" from 16 until 18 - £20 a week. Horrible at the time, but I got the Education Maintenance Allowance to encourage attendance for A levels. £30 a week, but my parents said I couldn't have it unless I gave them £20 of it (needed adult signature).

When I was 18, it was £50 a week while I worked 2 jobs, 7 days a week before Uni.

Horrible. Hated it and still think it was harsh, but it made reality hurt a lot less. I thought they were putting the money aside, but no - they spent it!
 

Ruperts slippers

Distinguished Member
Sounds like there's too much conflict, the tyrant wont work, all that will happen is alienation.
In my case this has lasted a lifetime, yes me and my dad speak, however the transition from boy to teenager was handled with punishment after punishment, endless lectures about how much trouble I caused.
I can hear his voice now.
Teenagers need guidance, encouragement, don't let these yrs destroy the family.
 

brad123

Well-known Member
We've heard and read on texts our eldest referring to me and his mum as ****s and pricks as we banned him from his Xbox. His biological father wants nothing to do with him and tbh he's not bothered back either. He shows no care to family even during the loss of family members etc. I'll admit I struggle with him as I can see the real him and what he's like, a mothers love can make you a little blind. He constantly lies to make people feel sorry for him. You could let him go on his xbox for 14 hours yet he will be upset and angry cos he's not allowed 15 hours on it.
 

BB3Lions

Distinguished Member
I'm glad to see others are having the same problem, sad to say.

I've now blocked tiktok, Snapchat on the router from 9pm till 10am as I caught him chatting at 0125hrs to his friends. He's 12. His grades are good, although he states he's not learning anything, which is a battle.

I honestly fear for the future, the gaming generation is a lost generation and covid is making it worse.
 

Qactuar

Distinguished Member
Sometimes though, do you not think (having taken a step back) that other parents are largely part of the problem?

Other parent buys a kid a phone at a young age. iPad. Xbox.

The pressure is immense, yet we all know we shouldn't succumb to it. Yet we probably do. Nobody wants their child to be left out, but the parents that let kids do things at too young an age are really what grinds my gears...
 

Desmo

Distinguished Member
A race to the bottom :(
 

Ruperts slippers

Distinguished Member
We've heard and read on texts our eldest referring to me and his mum as ****s and pricks as we banned him from his Xbox. His biological father wants nothing to do with him and tbh he's not bothered back either. He shows no care to family even during the loss of family members etc. I'll admit I struggle with him as I can see the real him and what he's like, a mothers love can make you a little blind. He constantly lies to make people feel sorry for him. You could let him go on his xbox for 14 hours yet he will be upset and angry cos he's not allowed 15 hours on it.
Maybe he thinks you're not being fair, his definition of fairness will differ from yours, rigidly adhering to rules and brow beating just wont work. He'll look for loopholes, and he already has.
Teenagers think and understand complex abstract situations, so he'll argue back, or sneak around if he thinks you're not being fair, or he'll be obtuse just because he can.
Younger children respond to direct black and white thinking and discipline. Do as I say just wont work with teenagers, listening will.

I've brought up a step daughter, my strategy was just to be chilled, they're forming an identity, and need the freedom to express their convictions. Partner at the time used to argue and belittle her, manipulate with threats (I'll throw you out etc). Often their thoughts don't make any sense to anyone but themselves, they're not us or you, let them express it.
I used to ask her want she wants, then listen, then compromise, then eventually, just let her make her own decisions, trusted her.

Compromise, it's better than arguing over every raised eyebrow or slight, teenagers need guidance not shackles.

My own dad resorted to violence and terrorising me, belittling me, ground me down, I stubbornly refused to cooperate, eventually I left at 17/18, I was wayward for yrs post leaving.
I still have issues with authority now, quite sensitive to advice and criticism, even from my partner and certainly in the scope of the construction industry where being bombastic is the norm.

I've spoken to other men about tyrannical fathers, underneath there's a lot of resentment and anger.
 
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brad123

Well-known Member
I understand but surely if the child in question is growing up to be a dick and treats people horrible with a serious attitude problem what do you do. Do you just let them turn into an arsehole with no friends and who sponges and likes a free ride off everyone else as they have no sense of how life works and just aren't mature enough to look after themselves?

My home is not a strict one, far from it, we try treat the eldest like an adult but he mistakes kindness for weakness. We don't shout at him, we sit down and explain why his actions are wrong and how growing up means thinking of others and making decisions which benefit others and not himself. The lies though, everyday is just lies, like he sold his apple watch but told us he broke it at work on his saturday job so threw it away, he sold it to a friend I know.
 

BB3Lions

Distinguished Member
Rock and a hard place. Be tough, be soft, talk, don't talk, its a constant battle, but no-one said it would be easy.
 

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