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Need a bit of advice and a bit of a rant

jsniper

Prominent Member
Ok, this is a mixture of a rant and a post seeking advice.

I finish my degree on Tuesday i've decided that I'm gonna spend the next year working to take a break from education and to decide what my next move will be. A smart decision in my opinion.

My current situation is this, I am currently living with a mate but the tenancy is up at the end of the month so we need somewhere new to live. This is fine because I can't really afford to stay here now I've lost my student loan. Originally the plan was for me to move back in at home but over the last couple of weeks it has dawned on me what that actually means.

A number of issues arise with having to move one of them being that I have lived away from home for the past 3 years, I don't want to go back living under my mum's roof again. Another issue is that I will be having to pay for storage as where I live now is private accommodation so I had to furnish it along with my mate and my mum does not have the space to store my stuff. I will literally have the space for clothes and my computer, that is pretty much it. Also, I will be going from having space that I could basically do whatever I want in whenever I want, as me and my current flatmate are rarely in at the same time, to a space that is controlled by my mum or younger brother (the golden child). I won't exactly have space to do stuff in my room either as it about 6ft x 8ft at best and because it has units built in it is fairly closed off.

To counter this I came up with the idea of moving closer to work as I would be able to afford the rent there and I wouldn't have to worry about travel costs and the like. This is where my secondary and possibly more of a nuisance issue comes into play. My girlfriend is going to be finishing her nursing degree and she wants me to move in with her somewhere in Sheffield (assuming she gets a job there) this isn't really an issue as I'm happy to but because where I want to move doesn't really have any houseshare type places available I would need to move into a private let and they come with 6 month contracts as a minimum really. I don't think that an extra 6 months will be that much of an issue but she is essentially making it near impossible for us to come to arrangement that works in some way for the both of us. It seems as though the only option I have if I want to keep her happy is to move home and that is as good as off the table.



Basically, what would you guys do in this situation? Can you offer any advice?
 

Kieran83

Established Member
As meatloaf once said, I would do anything for love, but I wont do that....

But, I would suggest moving in with each other isnt a totally terrible decision. Yes money is always an issue these days and the thought of a 6 month tenancy is a daunting thought but its something you'll end up doing someday surely?

If you go back home you'll get fed up of the negative points and wish you had your own space anyway and then you'll end up looking for your own place. The cost of you living with the other half is bound to be better than getting your own place and forking excessive amounts of money on a tiny dingy tip that you can afford on your own rather than a place you and the misses can afford together sounds like a better choice IMO.

In terms of the money side of things, as the months move on you'll both find a way of sorting it out and it'll become easier over time. I know this because ive gone through numerous times over the past 5 years.

Kieran
 

nheather

Distinguished Member
I finish my degree on Tuesday i've decided that I'm gonna spend the next year working to take a break from education and to decide what my next move will be. A smart decision in my opinion.

Slightly confused by this. You have decided to work once you have finished your degree - tha's novel!

But only for one year as a break from education and then you will rethink things. So why is that? Do you mean you may want to do a post-grad degree?

So is the work you have a proper graduate job or whatever you have been able to find in these hard times.

Also I'm unclear of the geography. There seems to be upto 4 locations - universtity where you are at the moment, where your job is, your mum's house, and where your girlfriend is.

The fact that you are considering all four either means they are relatively close together or that your job isn't significant (i.e. a proper graduate job) and you think you will just find alternative work wherever.

I suggest you need to be near work - commuting can be a grind and expensive - it saps money and time.

It sounds like you will be short of money so sharing with your girlfriend or living at home would reduce your cost of living.

As for living at home, you moan about the cost of storage, but that isn't that expensive, less than what you will save in accomodation and since you don't what you want to do in a year's time it might be a sensible solution.

Couple of comments ...

You are critical of your family and your home yet you take it for granted that you can move back in and they will look after you. You should value them more.

It's not a rant, it is a strop. Your situation is totally within your control, you just need to decide what you want to do.

Cheers,

Nigel
 
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amcluesent

Distinguished Member
Get rid of g/f, she's showing passive/aggressive traits that some wimmins have
 

jsniper

Prominent Member
Well first of all I know more than a few people that have graduated that are still unemployed. Despite this, maybe I should have made myself clearer, I intend to take a year out from education and work in my bog standard job. It isn't a graduate job, I intend to go back to university September 2014 to do a PGCE. The locations are as follows - Girlfriend in Sheffield, Where I am at the moment in Derby, Mum's about 10-11 miles away from Derby and work is about 5-6 miles away from Derby.

I realise 5-6 miles isn't that big a distance but as I don't drive it takes its toll on the wallet when I finish too late to get the bus back. Obviously a fix to this solution is learning to drive but that isn't exactly cheap these days.


You are right, I am critical of moving home because it is the solution I want the least. I wouldn't say I take it for granted, I know that I can go back if I need too. Again, you are probably right it is a bit of a petulant post I realise now but hey ho it was a good release for me and it is the honest posts like these that put things into perspective and make you look at the situation from a different angle.
 

HMHB

Distinguished Member
If it was me, I would take the cheaper option until you get yourself settled and in a position where you'd be comfortable about paying higher rents etc. I wouldn't be looking to tie myself down to just one woman either at your age ;) :D
 

nheather

Distinguished Member
Okay, I understand now.

How easy do you think it is to find bulk standard work - I mean is it something you find no problem, some people are better at selling themselves than others.

The job in Derby you have, which would suggest living at home if you stick with that.

If you move in with the G/F then you would need to find different work as Sheffield<>Derby is too big a commute in my opinion - especially for a bog standard job.

Why the year out? Is it because you aren't sure about the PGCE or that you need to earn some money.

If neither of these I would consider cracking on with the PGCE (if that is still possible at this late stage) - perhaps at Sheffield so that you can flat share with your G/F.

Cheers,

Nigel
 

MaturityDodger

Prominent Member
I realise 5-6 miles isn't that big a distance but as I don't drive it takes its toll on the wallet when I finish too late to get the bus back. Obviously a fix to this solution is learning to drive but that isn't exactly cheap these days.
5-6 miles = cycling, if there's a shower at work.
Apart from the cost-saving aspect, it can be quite enjoyable!
 

Solomon Grundy

Distinguished Member
Forget about the girlfriend thing, it'll never last, you're too young. Then make a decision based on the other options available.
 

johntheexpat

Distinguished Member
....and she wants me to move in with her somewhere in Sheffield (assuming she gets a job there)

And how likely is that? 100% 95% 50%......



Are there any statistics anywhere which show how well relationships last after the end of Uni? When I left, I graduated with loads of people in "steady, happy, committed relationships. I would guess more than 90% didn't last 12 months after graduation, the change and the opportunities and the need to move and adapt were just too great a strain on the relationships.

Perhaps things are different now, but I would advise not moving in with her, & don't move in "back home" (too easy to get too comfortable). Adversity is the mother of inspiration, or some similarly profound claptrap. In other words, if you find things tough with your preferred route, that's alright because you will overcome the difficulties, one way or another. If you take the soft route, you will become soft.

(and then we'll have a thread all about you scrounging off the state and your wasteful life :D)
 

nheather

Distinguished Member
Are there any statistics anywhere which show how well relationships last after the end of Uni?

Met my wife at Uni in 1983

Long distance for a year because I graduated a year earlier than her.

Married in 1986

Still together and happy.

Cheers,

Nigel
 

jsniper

Prominent Member
Okay, I understand now.

How easy do you think it is to find bulk standard work - I mean is it something you find no problem, some people are better at selling themselves than others.

The job in Derby you have, which would suggest living at home if you stick with that.

If you move in with the G/F then you would need to find different work as Sheffield<>Derby is too big a commute in my opinion - especially for a bog standard job.

Why the year out? Is it because you aren't sure about the PGCE or that you need to earn some money.

If neither of these I would consider cracking on with the PGCE (if that is still possible at this late stage) - perhaps at Sheffield so that you can flat share with your G/F.

Cheers,

Nigel

To be honest, I'm not too sure. I'd probably say quite well as I have a fairly high success rate in applying for jobs. The year out is more as an opportunity for me to try and get my head straight. My uni experience has been fairly poor thanks to the course being really quite poorly organised and that has had a knock on effect in making me second guess doing my PGCE. The added benefits of working and saving are also fairly obvious. I think it is more than likely too late to apply for a PGCE especially at any of the universities that are commutable.


5-6 miles = cycling, if there's a shower at work.
Apart from the cost-saving aspect, it can be quite enjoyable!

I did think about doing that but it is 5-6 miles down the A38, a fairly busy road. If I was to cycle a route that didn't include that it is a considerable amount longer.

And how likely is that? 100% 95% 50%......



Are there any statistics anywhere which show how well relationships last after the end of Uni? When I left, I graduated with loads of people in "steady, happy, committed relationships. I would guess more than 90% didn't last 12 months after graduation, the change and the opportunities and the need to move and adapt were just too great a strain on the relationships.

Perhaps things are different now, but I would advise not moving in with her, & don't move in "back home" (too easy to get too comfortable). Adversity is the mother of inspiration, or some similarly profound claptrap. In other words, if you find things tough with your preferred route, that's alright because you will overcome the difficulties, one way or another. If you take the soft route, you will become soft.

(and then we'll have a thread all about you scrounging off the state and your wasteful life :D)

Honestly? I don't know, I'd say she has a decent chance because there a lot of jobs but there are also a lot of applicants. She has already managed to get through the first step but she now has to sit an exam, pass that, go to an interview, get offered the job and then wait until she gets her registration as a nurse before she can start working properly as she will be on her final placement until the end of August.

Are there any statistics anywhere which show how well relationships last after the end of Uni?

Met my wife at Uni in 1983

Long distance for a year because I graduated a year earlier than her.

Married in 1986

Still together and happy.

Cheers,

Nigel


All the comments about the relationship are fairly negative. We have been together for quite some time already so the people saying that we won't last and stuff are more negative than helpful.
 

johntheexpat

Distinguished Member
All the comments about the relationship are fairly negative. We have been together for quite some time already so the people saying that we won't last and stuff are more negative than helpful.

I know neither you, nor your girlfriend. But I do know that leaving university and launching out into the big wide world creates tensions and pressures that pull you in every conceivable way. Then multiply it by two. You both will become different people to those you were while studying. If it lasts great. But in my experience, when two people undergo such a massive change in their lives, relationships don't last.

As for Nigel, well, anyone who has been on these forums a while knows he is exceptional. (In the very best way :thumbsup: )
 

Miss Mandy

Moderator
If I were in your shoes I'd be looking for somewhere in the Derby area to rent on a short term lease then look at moving in with your girlfriend when she's more settled. That's if moving home really isn't an option you'd consider.
I know nothing of you and your girlfriend, but the way you've worded the opening post doesn't sound very positive. If you can't reach an agreement on something as important as living arrangements you may be in for a rough ride. :(
 

nheather

Distinguished Member
All the comments about the relationship are fairly negative. We have been together for quite some time already so the people saying that we won't last and stuff are more negative than helpful.

Why did you choose to quote my post when I was giving a positive about university romances lasting?

Cheers,

Nigel
 

jsniper

Prominent Member
Well mainly because I forgot to edit it out. Sorry about that. As for the other replies, I'll have a read through and respond when I have more time.
 

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