:hug: Can't think what to say.
My deepest condolences for the loss of your beautiful Mum & your whole family.
I have not been posting much over here as I too, have been going through a very deeply painful period trying to look after my elderly disabled Mum who is in a terrible state & single day, every moment, I pray that it it will not be her last - the effect is absolutely devastating. I spend as much time with here as I possibly can for fear of so many things - truth be told, I cannot let her go, cannot accept what might happen and/or is happening & certainly will never be able to deal with things if we lose her - I love her more than life itself.
It is utterly heartbreaking to see the woman who brought you into this world in so much pain & suffering - one is riddled with feeling absolutely useless & full of sorrow & deep, deep guilt - I feel very compromised mentally & spiritually with no good answers that ever come forward. How I now hate myself for all the hell & pain I put her through - it is like a flood of pain & darkness that one just drowns in - I cannot stop crying seeing her in so much pain & suffering - I just do not know what to do & feel so lost & any faith I ever had in anything is lost. I really do not think I will be able to handle things or carry on if I lose her. I just cannot accept the fact that we may very well lose her soon.
I feel I want to & must go with her because she is so very innocent inside & so trusting - she will get scared & lost and be very afraid with no one with her all alone - I want to be able to be with her so she does not have to experience these states & so she knows her son is with her no matter what & where is, she will never have be be afraid/lost again. She gave me this life was with me all the way & I feel I need to gift her the same so we never lose each other.
So very, very sorry for your loss my friend, I wish as one human to another I could offer you something so I wish hope that others here who are better positioned than me at the moment are in a better place to do so - all I can offer is that know that what your heart & soul must be/is experiencing, I find myself in the same sort of hell.
Start off by making an appointment with your GP - explain the situation and hopefully they can arrange genetic testing if it is required - it depends on your maternal family history - probably just a blood test initially. Over here in NZ there is the NZ Familial GI cancer service, GI standing for GastroIntestinal - they liaised with the NHS in the UK to get my brother and his family screened after my diagnosis. (I am originally from the UK - my mum died shortly after I left the UK)Thanks Dolby... how do I go about checking to see if I am possibly affected with bowel cancer genes?
So sorry for your loss. So many parallels to the loss of my own Mum at age 63 when I was 36.
My Mum was diagnosed with lung cancer which had also spread to her brain in Nov 2015. We were on holiday at the time. She passed away in March 2016. Like your own dear Mum, so very quickly!
My Mum had brain surgery to remove the tumour and the plan was to operate on the lung after her radiotherapy was completed on her brain. They never got the chance. The cancer spread to her spinal fluid and it very aggressively took her life. She too lost use of her body and was wheelchair bound and spend some 6 weeks in hospital whilst tests were being run to find out what were causing her problems ( they didn't know at the time it had spread ) she had started to lose her mind somewhat and not really make any sense with things
We spent so many weekends travelling the 500 mile round trip to see her and try to support my Dad who was doing all he could to make her comfortable.
My Mum was discharged from hospital on a Friday afternoon and only then did we see on her notes that her condition was terminal. By which point she was out of it and any chance of conversation had gone. She passed away at 5:45 on the Monday morning.
I wish I had been able to talk to her more, we never really discussed the next steps of her battle because we just didn't know they were there but I held her hand as she left us and I gave her permission to go
Sorry to go off on a tangent so much, your post really hit a nerve with me with so many circumstances being similar.
I miss her like crazy and feel almost sick when I think about her never meeting our daughter and all the fun they would have had together
Take care of yourself and take each day as it comes, you can do no more [emoji4]