Maintenance Money to Ex Wife

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by MartinMiller, Jul 2, 2015.

  1. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    i pay my ex wife, maintenance money for my two kids, she has messaged me to ask me to pay part of the kids school uniforms. As far as im concerned this should come off the money i pay her? Am i wrong?

    Martin
     
  2. sniffer66

    sniffer66
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    Funnily enough, I just had the same debate with my Ex.

    I've recently gone through mediation and am waiting for my Decree Absolute to go through. I'm 100% sure that as part of the discussion regarding maintenance the payment covers that type of expenditure.

    However, I agreed to go halves as its my daughters first year at Senior school and its a big one off expense. We are still reasonably amicable though so I'm trying to keep things smooth.
    Guess it depends on your situation but you aren't obliged to do it is my call
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2015
  3. indianwells

    indianwells
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    If it was my daughter and I could afford it I would want to contribute. On the other hand, if money was really tight and I was already paying out a decent wodge.....
     
  4. markgodley

    markgodley
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    Maintenance does cover things such as school uniform as far as i'm aware.

    Although if i was in this situation (and most likely to neutralize the situation), i'd offer to buy part of it (i.e shoes, a few shirts). I can see you saying 'no that's what i pay maintenance for' is not going down too well.

    EDIT: I'd actually buy the items that they want, rather than giving your Ex the money.
     
  5. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    I've got two kids, pay her £240 a month!
    My argument is that she know this expense was coming up so why couldn't she put money away every month?
    And by the way she actually earns a bit more money a year than me lol
     
  6. Daddy k

    Daddy k

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    well imho it depends!

    is the current arrangement via child support agency? if so the eye of the law says thats it! you dont have to pay anymore.

    if its a personal arrangement then well truth is if she dont get what she wants she may well go down the csa route and possibly get more.

    in my case i used to give my ex £250 a month cash plus of course i had to provide a second home for the kids here! something thats often overlooked! you provide a home here for yourself and kids, while paying for their mothers home!

    i offered to help during holidays and clothes on top and various other stuff, however my ex decided she wanted more and was adamant she went via csa.

    because i was commission based it was hard because some months i would take home £7000, others £1700, due to how csa worked they wanted to take £600 a month every month! which was causing issues on the tight months when i couldn't cover my own bills.

    to add, she was in a better paid job than me, so it wasn't like she was a poor woman left alone to cope, plus i left everything! i had to buy everything from scratch again to provide kids another home.

    despite getting £600 per month my kids often came in poor quality old clothing! i mean £600 a month pays for a lot of cloths, food, electric etc for 2 small children???

    turns out in the end every bit of money i paid her went into her savings to pay for her wedding and 4 holidays per year

    in the end i had a brain injury and now she gets nothing! had she however not been adamant she stuck to csa id still help now, but coz of the trouble she caused out of greed and my kids not really getting the money i won't give her nothing.

    heres a question take the amount you pay towards the kids....... thats supposed to be half the cost of their care...... so does the mother pay the same amount to keep the kids?????? in my case i know for a fact my 2 kids didn't cost £1200 a month to keep, who live in the midlands and go to school, not like in london and a private nursery/school


    the funny thing about the csa etc is they can only seem to hunt down and strip bare the dads that hang around! the dads that disappear from heir kids life seem to get away without paying anything
     
  7. Daddy k

    Daddy k

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    as for uniforms, tell her you will buy shoes, coats, and go enjoy a day out shopping with your kids picking the shoes and coats that they want knowing the money is going to them, rather than your exes pocket
     
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  8. markgodley

    markgodley
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    Yup, you would of thought she would of planned for this.

    Just to take it from a slightly different angle. Say you do buy part/all of the kids uniforms. Is this then going to cause issues in the future? i.e she not using this maintenance money to buy stuff the kids need and expects you to foot the bill.
     
  9. blue max

    blue max
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    Think I'd say pick your battles. You are angry with your ex, not your child. Easy to say when you're not involved though.
     
  10. DarenD

    DarenD
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    My ex recently asked for money towards taking my son on holiday with her new boyfriend and 7 other kids (my son is the oldest of the 8) Told her to go blow. She never worked a day in her life and would fit in perfect on Jeremy Kyle.
     
  11. Elrond

    Elrond
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    Your consent order should cover it, if not, seek legal advice.

    Questions asking legal stuff should be considered the same as medical questions IMO. Chances are the OP doesn't include 100% of the context meaning that answers aren't based on the full facts which in turn could land the OP in hot water legally.
     
  12. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    Not asking for legal advice, just opinions
     
  13. BB3Lions

    BB3Lions
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    I'm not separated nor do I understand the sitrep.

    My thoughts would be to take your kids out & treat them.

    Without knowing your finances, I know personally I'd take them & buy them whatever.

    The 'other thread' teaches us our children are here by luck, spoil them, treat them, love them because as what is happening could happen to you.

    End of the day its just money.
     
  14. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    I know that but I don't like being taken for a mug!
    I don't class buying school clothes as treating my kids, I give them my time which I class as more than money, I've always got them at the park or swimming etc

    Cheers
     
  15. hippo99

    hippo99
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    £240 a month.
    240x12= £2880 a year
    2880/52= £55.38 a week
    55.38/2= £27.69 per child per week
    27.69/7= £3.96 per child per day

    Does that amount cover feeding them, clothing them, providing shelter, hot water, light, electricity, & school uniforms? Is there much money left to 'put away' each week? School uniforms are expensive...
     
  16. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    I do understand what you are saying, but she also gets child support, tax credits.
    My question is, it was agreed with lawyers what I'd pay, she specifically asked to be the custodial parent so why should I also pay for uniforms?
     
  17. BT Bob

    BT Bob
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    But that's only half - the OP's ex should be contributing the same (or VERY similar) amount.
     
  18. hippo99

    hippo99
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    I'm certain that she is probably paying much more than that. Kids are even more expensive than the school uniforms :rotfl:
     
  19. hippo99

    hippo99
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    True, but if you say no she could turn around & ask for the CSA to get a permanent increase.
    If it's only for the odd extra essential incidentals, I'd say not to rock the boat. If she's continually asking for a 'top-up' all the time, then yes I would say no, pay for it out of the maintenance.
     
  20. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    Once an agreement is made via a solicitor the csa can't get involved
     
  21. Elrond

    Elrond
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    Your not asking for legal advice but your asking about something that was agreed by lawyers :facepalm:

    So if it was agreed "specifically" what you would pay for, what is the argument? You know what you should and shouldn't be paying for so why do you need opinions?

    Also, no one can give opinions unless you say what was specifically was agreed. For all we know, it may have been agreed and written in legalese that you would contribute towards clothing. Even then, these "opinions" your asking for aren't going to know if you should be paying for it or not because was uniforms something specifically agreed to?

    Your the father, what would you do knowing the full facts?
     
  22. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    Sorry, I still haven't asked for legal advice I was stating a fact that it was agreed via lawyers what would be paid but I'm not putting my separation agreement onto the Internet for all to see

    Mods since I seem to be asking for legal advice but not actually asking for it could you close this thread. Cheers
     
  23. hippo99

    hippo99
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    Is that a different situation from what Daddy K described then (I'm not particularly familiar with csa etc)?
     
  24. Elrond

    Elrond
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    You not wanting to put it on the internet is fair enough, but how can you ask for opinions on a legally binding document that only you know?

    You may only see it as opinions, but your asking for opinions on your separation agreement, that we don't know, and that at the end of the day, is legally binding. If you don't pay and end up back in court, what is your defence going to be "Oh, an internet forum said I shouldn't pay"!

    Get proper advice as soon as you can so that you can do the best for your kid :smashin:
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2015
  25. MartinMiller

    MartinMiller
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    I was asking for advice on whether I should buy school clothes even though I pay maintenance, that's all
    I suggest you read my first post again

    Cheers
     
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  26. Elrond

    Elrond
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    I give up, why, because no one knows what is and isn't included in the maintenance you pay. For all we know, uniforms may be included.
     
  27. DJT75

    DJT75
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    Is your ex unemployed, living in council accommodation & knowingly struggling to get by, or is she mortgage free in a 5 bed detached house with a great income?

    And then what are your circumstances,?

    It's an impossible question to answer without knowing the circumstances.
     
  28. BB3Lions

    BB3Lions
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    Sounds like you need our blessings to not give your x money for your kids.
     
  29. phillyd1981

    phillyd1981
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    It's more of a moral question rather then a legal one. They are your kids do you feel like you should help? If you feel you pay enough already then say no.
     
  30. Elrond

    Elrond
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    Then what happens if the maintenance agreement, aka a court order, says that he should pay?

    Is it still not a legal question?
     

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