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Letting kids go?

Saldawop

Distinguished Member
Im a divorced dad of two 13 year old girls (nearly 14) .Since divorcing 10 years ago, I have had them stay with me every weekend.
They are getting to the stage where they want to go out with their friends.This is, not surprisingly,usually at the weekend,meaning I dont see them.

Am I wrong to want to limit the amount of times they are allowed to go to once a month. Im not sure if I am just being selfish, wanting to see my kids every week. I know they need some independence,should I let them go out whenever they want (every other week)?

BTW, for what its worth, they are not actually doing anything when they go out,just hanging around the shops/park.
 

Naaktgeboren

Distinguished Member
Sounds tough for you mate.

You say they dont do much simply hang around. Maybe you should arrange some more exciting activities when you spend time with them, amusement parks, rock climbing and anything else which will really engage their brains.

Hope you work it out. :smashin:
 

kav

Distinguished Member
Im a divorced dad of two 13 year old girls (nearly 14) .Since divorcing 10 years ago, I have had them stay with me every weekend.
They are getting to the stage where they want to go out with their friends.This is, not surprisingly,usually at the weekend,meaning I dont see them.

Am I wrong to want to limit the amount of times they are allowed to go to once a month. Im not sure if I am just being selfish, wanting to see my kids every week. I know they need some independence,should I let them go out whenever they want (every other week)?

BTW, for what its worth, they are not actually doing anything when they go out,just hanging around the shops/park.

I've been through that situation (as the child, not the parent). I suspect your kids could grow to resent you if you don't give them a bit of freedom. Crap as it sounds, make yourself available as a taxi service - at least you'll have a vague idea of what they're up to and where they're going. If you want to have them over I suggest you now and then have a fun activity planned, as they will be pretty PO'd if you're just having them over to sit around the house. It will mean that they don't view going over to dad's as a chore, but as something to look forward to.

You're right though, it probably is the first signs of them growing up. Good luck working it out. :)
 

IronGiant

Moderator
Isn't this a case of they don't want to visit Dad at the weekend because they want to stay where their mates are, presumably in the mother's home town rather than where Dad is? So it's not so much that they don't want to see Dad but that they can't hang out with their mates at all if they are visiting him.

Dave
 
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Lee

Moderator
I don't think you are been too selfish at all. As others have said try and do more exciting activities.

Not going to be popular with some but I have a daughter of the same age and I wouldn't let her hang around shops/park. But that's just me :)
 

Solomon Grundy

Distinguished Member
They are getting to the age where any parent, regardless of whether they live with them or not, maintains little connection with their kids other than to clean up after them and have a row or two. They are finding their own feet and place in the world. Next up comes exams and finding a career, by which point your relationship with them will have altered completely.
 

FZR400RRSP

Banned
The extra-strict couple across the road got a shock the other week.
Incredible story, worth sticking with if you can bear it.
It's not an 'urban myth', it's 100% true.

Basically, their 13 year old daughter asked to go to party.
The mother and father said no, her cousins were coming up from Glasgow for the weekend.
She starts all the rubbish about "Aaaw they're booooring"
Tough, she wasn't getting to the party.
So on the Friday night the cousins were due to arrive, my wife sees the young girl throwing something out of her bedroom window and legging it down the road.
The parents don't know she's out though (which my wife wasn't aware of).
The mother then gets a text message from a strange mobile saying

"Hi mum, it's me, I will be home on Sunday (this was on the Friday), I will take my punishment then"

So the mother and father go into panic/anger mode and set out to find her.
They get to the other side of town, where the party is, but the daughter isn't there.
The father then catches sight of her boarding a bus.
So he stops in front of the bus at the next stop, boards the bus and goes upstairs to be confronted by his daughter absolutely all over the place drunk.
He goes to take her off the bus, what does she do??
Starts screaming

"You're not my dad....I don't know who he is":eek:


(it gets worse...)

An off duty copper is driving past and sees the commotion.
He stops, calls the proper coppers and tells the dad to step away.
The daughter then comes to her senses a bit and starts telling everyone it is her dad.
Too late, black maria on the way.
She's taken home in the black maria and given a warning.
Mother and father distraught and now wondering if being less strict would have avoided the situation.:confused:

Oh, the cousins arrived from Glasgow in the midst of all this and had to turn around and drive home again (150 miles each way).:suicide:
 

Dony

Distinguished Member
Oh, the cousins arrived from Glasgow in the midst of all this and had to turn around and drive home again (150 miles each way).:suicide:

Surely you could have done the neighbourly thing and invited their Glaswegians cousins into your house while the parents horse whipped their daughter. ;)

(I've an image of Rab C. firing up your BBQ while Gash sits in your Alpina :D)
 
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FZR400RRSP

Banned
Invite Glaswegians into my home??
Are you mad??
That's like giving gypsies the key to your garage.

:D
 

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