Letter of complaint

Discussion in 'Satellite TV, Sky TV & FreeSat' started by stevegreen, Oct 12, 2001.

  1. stevegreen

    stevegreen
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    I just found this on a thread at another AV site.....the language is bad but it's a brilliant letter that may reflect what some people have experienced.

    Enjoy!

    Dear Cretins,
    I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your 3-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, and telephone.
    During this three month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties - or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as you while away the working day smoking and drinking coffee on the bog in your office.
    My initial installation was cancelled without warning or notice, resulting in my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive at all, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful website.... how? I alleviated the boredom to some small degree by playing with my testicles for a few minutes - an activity at which you are no-doubt both familiar and highly adept.
    I am still waiting for my telephone connection. I have made 9 telephone calls on my mobile to your no-help line this week, and have been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals, who are it seems also highly skilled bollock jugglers.
    Doubtless you are no-longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially important testicle-moments to attend to.
    I thought BT were ****, that they had attained the holy ****-pot of god-awful customer relations, that no-one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?
    How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum - incompetents of the highest order. British Telecom - ****ers though they are - shine like brilliant beacons of success, in the filthy pus-filled mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.
    Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you do likewise, and cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver - any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief - although these feelings will quickly be replaced by derision, and even perhaps a small measure of bemused rage.
    I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cats litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you, and your ****ing company. I sincerely hope that they have not become dessicated during transit - they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and it's worthless employees.
    Have a nice day - may it be the last in your miserable short life, you irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of ****s.

    :D :D :D :D
     
  2. Gary Palmer

    Gary Palmer
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    Steve

    PURE Poetry..

    Best laugh I've had in ages.... :D :D :D

    Thanks for starting the weekend the right way

    Gary
     
  3. Electric Mayhem

    Electric Mayhem
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    SUPERB!!! :D :D

    The guy should be given an award for such work!!!
     
  4. derodger

    derodger
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    I saw this letter posted on one of the newsgroups but it was claimed to have been sent to Sky in regards to their digital t.v. service. Seems to me to be a bit of a prank played by someone.

    David
     
  5. Stuart Wright

    Stuart Wright
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    I think Sky, NTL and BT probably deserve this kind of letter.
    As well as hundreds of other inept companies dealing with the public.
     
  6. Jim Robson

    Jim Robson
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    You've got to hand it to the guy; he just jumped straight in at the deep end. To begin with "Dear Cretins" is just fabulous!! :cool: I'm sure we all wish that we might have the courage to send letters in the same vein to loads of companies. I wonder if he had a result? Usually if you swear at them they put the phone down!

    Regards

    Jim :D
     
  7. kennydies

    kennydies
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    This letter has become famous, I have just received this on an e-mail via a joke site.
     

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