I hate George Lucas. I HATE him. What's he done with our childhoods? Our memories? Ruined them! We had three films. Three perfect, iconic films. And then The Beard had to ruin it all. First there was those awful, insulting Special Editions, where instead of Sy Snootles' band, we get a muppet jumping around the screen, where Han Solo's entire character is changed because now Greedo shoots first, and Han was simply protecting himself. Where the Ewoks music is drowned out at the end - the end of the film, George! - and replaced for some utter cack. Not only that, we have to endure the horrors, oh, the HORRORS, that are Episodes One and Two. Hopeless, joyless, BORING, poor dialogue, rubbish, instantly forgettable characters and, oh yeah, the fact that if you put them together, the whole series just doesn't WORK. You know, it's supposed to be a surprise in Empire when Darth reveals that he's Luke's father. Taken as a whole, if you're supposed to swallow that this whole series can be viewed as one, that doesn't work. Plus the fact Obi-Wan says "I don't recall ever owning a droid". Oh really? And why would the Empire have super efficient rolling robots and replace them with bumbling guys in plastic suits? Doesn't make sense. How many ultra quotable moments can you get from eps IV to VI? How many can you get from I and II? Exactly. A curse on you, Lucas. And your family. And your beard.