ITV Digital coming on strong!

Discussion in 'Satellite TV, Sky TV & FreeSat' started by Mr.D, Nov 19, 2001.

  1. Mr.D

    Mr.D
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    Just got a rather terse letter from ITV digital re: pirate cards.
    Its a general letter I assume they have sent to all subscribers as I don't actually use a pirate card ( can't be bothered to be honest)

    It uses some very aggresive language: " the people behind piracy are often serious criminals ( thats good as I detest people who do things by halves) often linked to organise crime and serious criminal activity including drug-dealing"

    They go on in this vein stating how they are "targeting everyone involved from manufacturer to user" ( wonder if this means they will take themselves to court?)

    They then go on to effectively say they have an elite band of secret ninja police who use highly sophisticated measures hitherto unknown to mere mortals who will cart you your family and even your PC off in the middle night if you so much as purchase a packet of peanuts in the vicinity of one of these aforementioned criminal masterminds.

    They will also suck all the data out of any bootleggers PCs and immediately dispatch a horde of specially trained killer bees to devour anyone whose address pops up .

    And as a last resort if you don't all behave they will replace all the legitimate cards with new ultra-sophisticated ones that are impervious to piracy and ask you if you've washed your hands when you come back from the toilet.

    However..." Anyone who thinks they may inadvertently have a pirate card has a chance to put it right ." ( god bless you your honour sir!)
    They then give a contact number saying they will substitute said pirate card for a proper subscription and get this " no questions asked" cushty know what I mean ???

    Apart from providing me with a solid three minutes of entertainment which is in itself a major new achievement for ITV Digital they seem to have been given a special dispensation to ignore the data protection act ?

    Anyway its nice to see the scriptwriter for the Sweeny finally got a proper job. And I for one will slumber peacefully tonight safe in the knowledge that ITV Digital is out there... somewhere.... protecting the innocent and virtuous .

    ( Apart from those areas still unable to receive adequate reception but they're mostly in Scotland or Cornwall so don't really count)
     

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