Is using the toilet difficult?

this is way I always use the womens toilets they are so damn clean... I would spend all day in them .. if I did not keep getting arrested.
 
mrtbag said:
In the context of this thread, I couldn't even read pass that before laughing.:D

:D OK, I will rephrase that sentence !

I was doing an installation in Woodley
 
a scary moment i once had was sitting in the toilet in a club. I was in the third cubicle along, and had jsut had time to get started, when

bang!

to the left of me

then after a few seconds and a few footsteps,

bang!

immediately to the left of me

luckily i was able to finish off, stand to the side of the bowl and unlock the door, just in time before the inevitable bang on my door.

I didn't hang around long enough to find out why this guy was kicking in the doors in turn as I left with my kneecaps and dignity intact, but you talk about not knowing how to use the toilet properly
 
Was in a toilet the other day and some guy in the next cubicle said can you pass some toilet paper under the partition, there's non in here.

I looked and there was only a few in mine so I said sorry mate low on it here.

He then said can you give me 2 fivers for a ten pound note.:laugh:
 
This is a filthy thread, but while on the subject I can't understand why tissue companies feel the need to put a dimpled middle sheet in a 3-ply tissue. Whats all that about?

I realise that its just marketing, but at the end of the day the tissue is only used to **** your ****!!
 
I remember my old work place it was full of programers and designers, one day someone decided to give the toilets names so after a short think we named them traps. trap1, trap2, trap3 and so on.

A few days later, e-mails would go out and informed people that we had a floater in trap 2 and so on.

Until one day some clever ass found a website that you could rate yours. Like ratemygirlfriend and ratemymullet but this one was poo.:mad:

Some people just never know when to stop.
 
Garret said:
He then said can you give me 2 fivers for a ten pound note
:rotfl:

OK keep the "stories" coming
 
grey fox said:
At work a few years back I went into the toilets, and someone was talking in one of the cubicles, I thought they were trying to get my attention. No, he was talking on his mobile phone!!! How the hell can you hold a conversation with someone while doing the squeeze?
Unless of course it's one of those cold callers offering a great deal on a new mobile contract.:devil:

See, that's why email was invented..


The wierdest job I've ever done :D, was installing Cat5 data outlets in all the mens cubicles at a very well known firm.... I even got a bollocking for labelling up all 8 outlets as either 'No.1' or 'No.2'........and that my friends is a true story! :thumbsup:
 
In any eventuality, always choose the least frequently used cubicle. There's a formula you can apply to determine this. But I'm not going to share it with you because I don't want you using my cubicle. Ever. Just use the one nearest the door. Forget I said anything.
 
I have a theory as to why public toilets are so rank. Basically the only time any normal person goes to a public toilet is either when they are ill or really really desperate. In both these instanses results are likely to be unpleasant at best. Therefore a public toilet spends its whole life being subject to the after effects of 3am kebabs and stomach upsets. Not a good life for any suite.
 
That is oh-so very true..... did you look down? :devil:
 
if yer worried about the plop, just lay some tissue first, to give it a gentle pppprrrrrhhhhhppp sound.
 
The worst toilet I've ever seen was at my old secondary school in the languages area. Upon walking in you would be confronted with what could best be described as a rendition of a Nile flood with the added bonus of urine odour. If you held your breath you might be able to maintain consciousness long enough to 'shake the snake', an experience greatly enhanced by the surprisingly insightful graffiti on the wall claiming children's TV presenter Pat Sharp to be a "legend".

However, taking a dump was essentially impossible even if you took the smell out of consideration. There were two cubicles; the one nearest the main door being the showcase of the whole room. It lacked a door for around 3 years, had no seat for about the same period and also featured a bowl that was split in two. Still, this didn't deter the odd diehard who insisted on making use of the facilities regardless with excruciating results.

This was five years ago and I can still visualise it perfectly. Isn't it funny how bad/hilarious memories stay with you longer?
 
last holiday was on mainland spain in the top hotel there, went on a trip to gibralta and used the local bus depot toilets......

:eek: the pans were FULL of s**t and it was even on the seat, and i mean they were full, to the brim :eek:

it was even on the seat and you could see where people had squatted over the seat to go!

luckily i only needed to pee, and as i proceeded i noticed the window was missing, and i had a bench full of people at my penis height :rotfl:

still, i needed to go so hey :D bit off putting though, if that old dear had turned round she would have got a shock :devil:
 
"still, i needed to go so hey bit off putting though, if that old dear had turned round she would have got a shock"

Or a laugh.:D
 
I'm female and years ago in the deep countryside in Belgium I went off to the loo - only after going through the door that said 'ladies and gents' discovering that it really meant ladies and gents :rolleyes:
The gents area was an open ended corridor with a row of urinals that I had to walk past to get to the cubicles. There was one old gentleman standing there busily engaged in mid stream but he didn't bat an eyelid, he happened to be wearing a scruffy old hat which he raised politely as I went past! I smiled and nodded back to him but I have to confess I hid in the cubicle until he'd finished and gone before I came out :D
 
Obviously there is a lack of expertise in the 'hover' technique within the forum members. I got caught short in Amsterdam once and ran into a pub in the red light district (Sailors or something like that!) only to find the gents consisted of a royal doulton 'hole in the floor'!
 
toilet2.jpg Outside view

toilet1.jpg Inside view

This is a public toilet in Switzerland, and is made entirely of one way mirrored glass. Would you use this? lol Not sure I would have the nerve. lol
 
hehe that is excellent !!!

must be very surreal at times, convinced that "that bloke is making eye contact".

I would stand outside and every so often point and laugh.......but then I'm childish like that


:D
 
Geordie Jester said:
hehe that is excellent !!!

must be very surreal at times, convinced that "that bloke is making eye contact".

I would stand outside and every so often point and laugh.......but then I'm childish like that


:D

:laugh: :p :laugh: :clap: Can I join you ?!!!
 

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