Is using the toilet difficult?

mjn

Distinguished Member
Strange question, i hear you ask, but how difficult is it?

Just been to one of the toilets here at work, and some dirty :censored: has not only ****** on the floor, but the seat as well, AND didn't flush it!

Flithy animal!
 

Steven

Senior Moderator
I've made it a rule never to No 2 at College

Public toilets...shudder

I disgust myself just thinking about it

P.S. I hope this thread gets deleted :D Really I do. Do you want this thread under your name for ever?
 

chrisw

Well-known Member
We had 2 toilet seats broken at work the other day... and by the looks and sounds of things from going in the toilet, some people need some FIBRE in their diets!
 

rio1981

Well-known Member
It's the people that openly groan whilst on the can - do these people have no shame at all?! :eek:
 

pave

Banned
Has anybody ever been in the public toilets that look like some sort of tardis....just wondering.....bored at work......:D
 

grey fox

Active Member
At work a few years back I went into the toilets, and someone was talking in one of the cubicles, I thought they were trying to get my attention. No, he was talking on his mobile phone!!! How the hell can you hold a conversation with someone while doing the squeeze?
Unless of course it's one of those cold callers offering a great deal on a new mobile contract.:devil:
 

Steven

Senior Moderator
pave said:
Has anybody ever been in the public toilets that look like some sort of tardis....just wondering.....bored at work......
Now that you mention it, outside Rochdale bus station there are some pay-as-you-literally-go toilets that look like they've been nicked from the Dr Who set
 

Jammyb

Well-known Member
Till you've been in a toilet where someone has written on all the walls in their own faeces I don't think we can speak on this subject as equals.

And again I could not discuss the subject as an equal with the person who had to clean those toilets.
 

Steven

Senior Moderator
Written on wall with own...

That's it, a mod will be hearing about this thread! It breaks all decency rules!

:rotfl:
 

la gran siete

Well-known Member
chrisw said:
We had 2 toilet seats broken at work the other day... and by the looks and sounds of things from going in the toilet, some people need some FIBRE in their diets!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
 

pave

Banned
LFC_SL
That's it, a mod will be hearing about this thread! It breaks all decency rules!


Yeah...people are going to start taking the:censored: ...:rolleyes:
 

Jammyb

Well-known Member
LFC_SL said:
Written on wall with own...

That's it, a mod will be hearing about this thread! It breaks all decency rules!

:rotfl:
Happens a lot more often than you might think, I've a friend who until recently ran a small pub just off leicester square, he had to deal with it a few times. I've seen it myself a couple of times. Someone was doing it a lot at a festival I was at in Spain, pretty sure the culprit was English though...
 

Knyght_byte

Well-known Member
at my work they dont seem to have worked out the concept of how to use toilet paper.........most days you see at least one of the porcelain pots is bunged up, i dont just mean the bottom of it, i mean literally up to the seat with toilet paper.......

i never go at work tho, sorry but no...lol
 

ahin4114

Active Member
Sorry but what really gets me is the people you hear openly giving the push, who then stroll out of the loo without so much as looking at the taps.

Another thing that disgusted me was when I was taking my little boy to the gents at a cinema the other day, when a bloke walked out with his little boy who'd just been in one of the cubicles and didn't even get his boy to wash his hands (talk about setting an example).
 

John

Moderator
read this the other day

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.) A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a watermelon is coming, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
 

HMHB

Distinguished Member
I was doing an installation down South many years ago and the shop I was installing in was being refitted as well, so the toilets were out of action. I got caught short and had to go for number 2s in a nearby public toilet in the shopping centre. It wasn't until I was sat down that I noticed the cubicle walls were covered with pages from a gay porn magazine :eek:
I tried to time my exit from the cubicle so it coincided with the toilets being empty, no such luck, there was a bloke with his young son queuing outside waiting for me to finish. I've never been so embarrassed in my life, and explained to the bloke not to go in there the best I could, but they were desperate to use it as well, so I ended up getting out of there ASAP !
 

lovemunkey187

Active Member
johnscarlet said:
COURTESY FLUSH The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
Try doing that in the toilets wher I work and two other things are going to happen.
1. You're gonna dislocate you're shoulder try to reach the button to flush.

And

2. As most of the water for the flush comes(very forcefully) from the front and centre then you've got yourself a free sac bath. With extremely cold water. I know this from personal experience.:rolleyes: :(
 

Reign-Mack

Active Member
this is way I always use the womens toilets they are so damn clean... I would spend all day in them .. if I did not keep getting arrested.
 

HMHB

Distinguished Member
mrtbag said:
In the context of this thread, I couldn't even read pass that before laughing.:D
:D OK, I will rephrase that sentence !

I was doing an installation in Woodley
 

damage

Active Member
a scary moment i once had was sitting in the toilet in a club. I was in the third cubicle along, and had jsut had time to get started, when

bang!

to the left of me

then after a few seconds and a few footsteps,

bang!

immediately to the left of me

luckily i was able to finish off, stand to the side of the bowl and unlock the door, just in time before the inevitable bang on my door.

I didn't hang around long enough to find out why this guy was kicking in the doors in turn as I left with my kneecaps and dignity intact, but you talk about not knowing how to use the toilet properly
 

Garrett

Moderator
Was in a toilet the other day and some guy in the next cubicle said can you pass some toilet paper under the partition, there's non in here.

I looked and there was only a few in mine so I said sorry mate low on it here.

He then said can you give me 2 fivers for a ten pound note.:laugh:
 

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