How to steal a PS3, the guide

Kit123

Novice Member
Hello Playstation fanatics,

As you may know I have been looking to buy a television for my son - he will also require a PS3. On further inspection of the issue I have discovered that this is in fact a completely unreasonable demand, to ask a 12 year old boy to spend his pocket money on a £300 game console.

So, instead of buying such a silly item I will steal it. In this thread I will outline my plans and you can give me any feedback where you feel necessary whilst giving me information on your own experience when trying to steal a Sony Playstation 3.

The Plan

At approx 07.00 I will enter the retailer known as GAME. I will mull around the shop for exactly 17 minutes, mostly in the used sections - showing a strange interest in the 'Disney' gaming titles.

The purpose of this is to alert my self to the staff at GAME as someone who knows so little about video games that they couldn't possibly know the value of a Sega master system, let alone a PS3.

Wading through the pungent droves of overweight mothers and emotionally frustrated children at the PSP Section, I will eventually reach the PS3 display. Upon reaching this area of the shop I will scream very loudly and wave my arms as if I were in grave danger. This will assert my self as a serious customer, far from their usual selection of time wasters.

Once an employee arrives to assist me, I will insist they remove a PS3 from a box so I can check to see where its centre of balance is. I understand this is common practice in retail outlets so I doubt I will have many problems getting the PS3 in my possession.

You may say this is all well and good, but how am I going to get the console out of the shop? Well, this is where my whole plan fits together. I have been researching how to conceal the system and various accessories on my person, the first obvious choice was to pretend to be a pregnant woman. I originally thought I could get away with this as many women in Birmingham have a startling resemblance to a Neanderthal. I have now ruled out this option as I find my self far too handsome to ever perform in such a role.

Then it came to me, a clown!



As you see from this image, clowns have the ability to blend inconsipiciously into a crowd whilst retaining the ability to wear, frankly, obtuse trousers.

My plan is to craft a kangerooesque pouch out of twisted coat hangers and used cereal boxes (a technique I perfected after many years of studying Blue Peter).

I will simply distract the GAME employee by pointing outside and yelling "Look over there, a well supported PC game with no copy protection!" He will soon scamper off and this will allow me to just slide the PS3 into my pouch and make a smooth getaway.

Clown costume: £25
Transport: £3
Coathangers and cereal boxes: £1.78

My Son's love: Priceless

There are some things money can't buy, for everything else theres dressing up like a clown and nicking it.

---

Thoughts?
 

Dragy2k

Active Member
i spotted a flaw in your plan.....theres a reason clowns dont do the 300 yard sprint in athletics ......its the size 24 shoes...

:devil:
 

Kahled

Novice Member
Hmm....

Weight and mass of a PS3.... gonna need to reinforce those braces otherwise those clown pants become ankle warmers.
 

Br0ken

Distinguished Member
Sounds like a solid plan but you need a get of jail card. I think you need a flower that sprays water which you can squirt just in case you get yourself cornered.

Also, make sure your getaway car isn't a clown car as I've heard they fall apart quite often.

Godspeed. haha.
 
It wouldn't work.
 

Vince Noir

Banned
I will simply distract the GAME employee by pointing outside and yelling "Look over there, a well supported PC game with no copy protection!"
In classic Guybrush Threepwood dialog............. Look a three headed monkey would work better. :D
 

SyStemDeMoN

Well-known Member
this seems like a solid plan, with little or no faults. i cant imagine it failing. u must have spent a long time watching the staff at game to approximate their movments and reactions so clearly.

but what about a robin hood costume, that way no one would even consider cornering u, they would just assume u were doing what was right, even if they cant see why!
 

Br0ken

Distinguished Member
Why stop at Robin Hood, may as well dress up like The Pope! :)
 

ukdy

Member
good job this thread is jocular or it would have been locked!!
:)
 

Darth_terra

Distinguished Member
OK how tall are you as you may need stilts,

Shave your head bald, wear a suit and walk in with a rubber duck under your arm and say your Phil Harrison and your on a PS3 QA mission, i ask about the height as Phil is 6'7..
 

bertha

Active Member
this is brilliant - best laugh at a thread in ages!

I was in a pub in Edinburgh once where a guy came in on stilts, dressed as a clown. While he was poncing about shouting lookatme.. he should have been looking out for the ceiling fan. It cracked of his a head a few times and he was unconcious before he hit the floor crashing through a few of the clientel and a table full of drinks - the ambulance turned up and me and a few chums helped them out with him, his legs were all strapped up so they left the stilts on and put him in the back of the ambulance with the doors open with his legs sticking out with the huge clown shoes on them.. Ambulance guys were absolutelu p!$$ing themselves laughing as was half the pub who had come out to watch..

Now that was priceless

Cheers

Berth:D
 

danwalton

Active Member
worryingly, that dead clown above seems to have a rubber chicken inserted where the sun doesn't shine...
 

lmaolmao

Well-known Member
i'd be careful asking to check for the centre of balance of a ps3. they'll know what your up to straight away.

i've had more luck asking to check the centre of mass.
 

Kit123

Novice Member
Thanks for your input everyone,

It will all be taken into consideration and I will soon alter the costume design - it is very important to me that other people are onboard about this - to be taken seriously, well.. apart from Pincho and onkeh, you can't win them all, eh?

Lets hope I don't have a fate like russ' friend! Then again, i'm stealing this to play GTA, not the other way round

Berth - deary me, its a tough life being a clown, tough enough without ceiling fans - I can tell you that!

lmaolmao - yes.. physics, never my best subject at school..;)
 

Jay™

Novice Member
Before you get butt raped by Bullring police i suggest you quickly dip into Burger King to top up on energy, scrap that you might as well have a full meal at nandos then make a run outside :)
 

Kit123

Novice Member
Now, forgive me as I couldn't fit everything on but taking everyone's thoughts into consideration I have created a new improved costume.

 

Kahled

Novice Member
Now, forgive me as I couldn't fit everything on but taking everyone's thoughts into consideration I have created a new improved costume.

<< clown buckaroo pic >>
Looks a receipe for success but now I do wonder if it would not be simpler just to walk into Game and yell out "ooh look, an unallocated copy of Wii fit" then peg it with a PS3 under each arm before the riot police get there to sort out the jelly belly jam and other chaos caused.

*rotf* Cracking thread, well done!!
 

Kit123

Novice Member
Looks a receipe for success but now I do wonder if it would not be simpler just to walk into Game and yell out "ooh look, an unallocated copy of Wii fit" then peg it with a PS3 under each arm before the riot police get there to sort out the jelly belly jam and other chaos caused.

*rotf* Cracking thread, well done!!
You sir,

are a genius.
 

Wingsurfer

Well-known Member
Awesome - thanks Kit, you just made my day:D
 

Kit123

Novice Member
Thanks very much PhatPig!

Also, thanks to anyone else who enjoyed my posts - the plan will go ahead in the next few weeks if the wife doesn't find out what i'm up to..
 

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