How much rights do fathers have these days ?

[davejones87]

........................

 

[BB3Lions]

Personally i would get some really strong legal advice (which you are doing) and since money is not a major concern, she is your life that is clearly obvious with the improvements you have made.

I hate it when people use children as pawns and emotional blackmail, your X obviously knows you will do anything for her and is taking advantage of that. Enough is enough, get some legal advice end ensure you don't tell your daughter or anyone else just in case it gets back to your X - as i guess it would make matters seriously worse for you.

Good luck and hopefully everything will work out for you both, keep us posted.


BB

 

[Deleted member 174041]

Hi mate. Sorry to hear that your X is giving you so much grief. I cant imagine not seeing my little boy for more than a couple of days, I start to miss him like mad.

Right down to business. Sorry if it sounds harsh but your going to have to stop being such a pushover. I know your doing it so you can try and stay sweet with the X so you get to see your daughter, but enough is enough. She has no right in not letting you see your own daughter, unless the courts have already said so.

Second, You should never have given then the deposit for the house. I know you said money isnt the issue but its your principles. Tell them you want the money back.
To me it sounds like shes being very selfish and using you for whatever she can get. You need to speak to a solicitor asap to get this sorted.

Hope it all goes well for you and good luck

 

[unique]

Parental rights and responsibilities : Directgov - Parents

have a look at that. you might want to speak to a solicitor, or if money is tight, try the citizens advice buro. i would imagine you would have a strong case for increasing your access to your daughter

good luck!

 

[lowmans100]

I'd say you need to go through the courts. It may sound scary but the only way you can ensure contact is through a court order which you both have to comply with. The courts will put the interests of the child first not the petty jealousies of the parents.

There may be some info here Cafcass - Putting children first in family courts and here Family and personal

 

[Ian J]

You might find this site or this one of interest

 

[Mr Noble]

I'd hate to be in your position mate i really would, I hope you sort out custody etc amicably

When me and my missus have our squables she pulls on the heart strings by saying i would never see my son again if we were to split etc.

women can be vindictive at times at least the one's i seem to know

 

[ChadfordsMissus]

If you do work shifts then the court will be sympathetic.( You are paying so she can't have it both ways even tho' technically contact and maintenance are separate issues)
Your daughter is at school so how about asking for weekend staying contact , say one weekend in three? would your shift pattern manage that?
If you put in an application to court , then at the first hearing there will be a duty officer from CAFCASS, children's service who will speak to you both first. The case will be before a District Judge who will encourage you both to open a dialogue and try to reach agreement, but ultimately he/she can order your ex to make your daughter available for specific times for contact. If you can't agree the matter will be adjourned and the CAFCASS will see you both and make recommendations which usually the District judge will follow.
Good luck and don't be a pushover!

 

[Deleted member 51156]

Can you not sort this out amicably ,my mates spent over £25000 on gaining access to his twins ,the court grants access to his twins and yet the mother has consistently broken these aggrements ove the past 5yrs.

She is a lawyer though,and has lied thru her back teeth ,i have a few friends who's ex's have been bloody ,vindictive ,liars and played the system brilliantly,causing much pain and suffering to everyone concerned.

Dont do what my mates done and loose it ,he's currently in hull on attempted murder charges after finally cracking under the torment..

Good luck..

 

[Chadford]

Can you not sort this out amicably ,my mates spent over £25000 on gaining access to his twins ,the court grants access to his twins and yet the mother has consistently broken these aggrements ove the past 5yrs.

She is a lawyer though,and has lied thru her back teeth ,i have a few friends who's ex's have been bloody ,vindictive ,liars and played the system brilliantly,causing much pain and suffering to everyone concerned.

Dont do what my mates done and loose it ,he's currently in hull on attempted murder charges after finally cracking under the torment..

Good luck..

I asked Mrs C to post to the op as she's been a lawyer for about 25 years specialising in crime and child care. She'd looked at the above post and declined to comment, she agrees that there are many bad solicitors out there. I think that the previous post was (although heart-felt) not particularly helpful to the OP.

 

[stoomc]

When me and my missus have our squables she pulls on the heart strings by saying i would never see my son again if we were to split etc.

What a horrible thing to say!

 

[Steven]

The only negative really is my X is all ways saying she wants a set night each week, but as I do shift work I never have the same days off each week, would the courts be understanding of that in a way ?

To be honest, based on my personal experience only (and therefore not declaratory regarding your own circumstances), should you wish to pursue a section 8 contact order then a judge will be mindful of providing for regularity in a young child's life instead of haphazardness. It would also be extremely difficult for a judge in that context to grant an order in writing as essentially the judge would not know what they are ordering. Therefore in examining your next step and taking advice I do think you need to also think about how your employer can accommodate and sacrifices on your part; whether that means hassling your duty manager for a certain shift on x days on the week to guarantee x times are free

 

[Deleted member 51156]

I asked Mrs C to post to the op as she's been a lawyer for about 25 years specialising in crime and child care. She'd looked at the above post and declined to comment, she agrees that there are many bad solicitors out there. I think that the previous post was (although heart-felt) not particularly helpful to the OP.

Although i can offer no technical advice ,all i can offer is a perspective from the experiences shared with me from friends...it maybe harsh but it is truthful.

 

[Jenn]

Sorry I can't be of any help to the OP but as a woman I felt I had to give it a balancing view point: not all women are like that.

I've not been in the situation so can't say for sure how I'd feel but I'd certainly try and do my utmost to give my son what is best and try to keep my own feelings separate. He adores his dad and it would be cruel to him to keep him away.

Actually davejones87, would you have a better chance should you suggest to your ex that it would be good for your daughter to see her dad more? Or maybe if she's the type, tell her it would give her the opportunity to go out, say on Friday nights?

I can understand that not knowing from one week to another which night her daughter would be away can be inconvenient and maybe destabalising though so if there is one any chance you could have those two nights a week as a constant, maybe she'd be more accomodating.

 

[fizl]

These forums Here are good for this sort of stuff, and often give help on the legal side of things

shaz

 

[Steven]

Although i can offer no technical advice ,all i can offer is a perspective from the experiences shared with me from friends...it maybe harsh but it is truthful.

If a private and personal family matter ends up before a judge then you inevitably have a story to tell. No one ends up in court without having their own story. But excepting the judge, one will only ever hear one side. You cannot generalise the experiences of your friends. And with respect it is not your own personal experience you are communicating on

 

[Deleted member 51156]

If a private and personal family matter ends up before a judge then you inevitably have a story to tell. No one ends up in court without having their own story. But excepting the judge, one will only ever hear one side. You cannot generalise the experiences of your friends. And with respect it is not your own personal experience you are communicating on

Whats that supposed mean ,a convoluted way of telling me to shut up.

 

[kopchoir]

Have been in your position and it's the worst thing in the world not seeing your children.
Things have changes slightly with regards to the law for the better I believe im sure the links you have been given will shed a little light on to this.
Secondly you are a solicitors dream these things can last years with no major breakthroughs, power Is to the mum, it's also not cheap either.
I reckon it cost me around £9k in fees plus another ten 10 say from the house it's not just the money it's the emotional roller coaster this thing puts you on.
It's around 6 years since I last had 5 preciou mins with my son.

Sit down take stock and if I was you try sorting this out amicably before it gets messy becausev it will, one thing you have on your side is your child is growing up has stayed over and knows you.

Best of luck in your goals and I wish you all the very best in a very trying emotional subject

Si

 

[kopchoir]

Can you not sort this out amicably ,my mates spent over £25000 on gaining access to his twins ,the court grants access to his twins and yet the mother has consistently broken these aggrements ove the past 5yrs.

She is a lawyer though,and has lied thru her back teeth ,i have a few friends who's ex's have been bloody ,vindictive ,liars and played the system brilliantly,causing much pain and suffering to everyone concerned.

Dont do what my mates done and loose it ,he's currently in hull on attempted murder charges after finally cracking under the torment..

Good luck..

Sounds ever so familiar But not to a murder charges

 

[davejones87]

To be honest, based on my personal experience only (and therefore not declaratory regarding your own circumstances), should you wish to pursue a section 8 contact order then a judge will be mindful of providing for regularity in a young child's life instead of haphazardness. It would also be extremely difficult for a judge in that context to grant an order in writing as essentially the judge would not know what they are ordering. Therefore in examining your next step and taking advice I do think you need to also think about how your employer can accommodate and sacrifices on your part; whether that means hassling your duty manager for a certain shift on x days on the week to guarantee x times are free

My shifts at my job are 2 days on 2 days off 2 days on 4 days off. Its impossible for me to change these shifts.



All I want is my daughter overnight 2 nights per week and say maybe 10 days Holiday per year so I can take her away.

Even if my X agreed to this when she finds out me and my new partner want to take her to Disneyland next year she will flip! and not allow it. I need something in place to give her some one to answer to, as its all her rules at the minute!

I have tried my very best to sought this out with her, she is unable to put are daughter first.

She has no control over me anymore and my life is the best it has been at the minute, as I have so much going for me. As she is alone and life isnt good she cant bear to see me happy so hurts me the only way she can

If my daughter had a voice she would want to see me more 1000% fact! not only just me but she has 2 nieces that she is amazingly close to and the rest of my family.

 

[chipchomper]

Hi Mate

I havent read all the replies because from my own experiences it angers me the amount of experts out there that dont actually know anything.

I think you coarse of action should be massively dependant on your ex.
If your ex is the type of person to do as instructred by a court then by all means pursue this with all your might but if she is the type to just ignore the court and do as she pleases you may aswell save your money and cut your losses because ultimately your rights are not the issue the issue is about upholding of your rights which in my experience will not happen.
The only real action the court can take against the mum for not complying to a court order is removing your daughter from her and giving you custody or sentencing your ex to time in prison and lets be realistic non of these are ever going to happen unless your ex is alcoholic or has drug dependancy issues.

Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I have been through a pretty expensive and unique experience that ended up at the royal courts of justice at the high court in London and with favourable cafcass reports on my side and an ex that nearly got 6 months for perjury I got nowhere mate, my rights were never upheld and it takes so long to get back into court you cant act fast enough to deal with issues as they happen.

I truly hope you get something sorted for the good of your daughter because if you think this is traumatic for you its 10 times worse for the children involved, my ex never put our daughter first only her twisted bitterness and hatred towards me and ultimately as much as I suffered it was terrible for my daughter.

Ill be the first to admit though my ex was particularly stubborn and twisted so my experience is pretty unique but witnessing the courts show just how toothless they are in these matters makes me extremely pessimistic, however the advantage you have is your ex is probably not as clued about all that as you now are so hopefully she would be a more compliant if a court was to get involved.

By all means get legal advice but dont put too much faith in the british justice system and be realistic about what you may come up against.

If you decide to go down the legal road my advice to you is focus entirely on moving forward, dont get dragged into debates about the past or petty things regardless of how much you feel the need to respond and constantly ask yourself how this is affecting your daughter.

Good luck.

 

[Deleted member 51156]

Sounds ever so familiar But not to a murder charges

He's not murdered her ,he rang me on the morn crying saying he'd had enough etc,etc,and then proceeded to go collect his kids,first time in 12 months,when he got there she'd changed her mind ,he bopped her one ,bopped her brother,then made threats to kill,he's currently on remand awaiting psycharict reports.



It has been going on for yrs ,my mother recently got in touch with her dad after he left when she was little ,he was banished over 50yrs ago.

Of course not all mothers are like that ,my ex and i have come to an aggrement without the courts.

 

[Steven]

Whats that supposed mean ,a convoluted way of telling me to shut up.

Not at all but your response illustrates my point. My statement that everyone who ends up in court inevitably have their own story to tell is precisely just that. What surprises some people not advised properly by a solicitor is that save for domestic violence, a judge wants both parties to look to the future and not to the past. Anyone unprepared for that and focusing on past wrongs will find a judge will simply not be interested. Whilst you are emotive due to your perception of the experience of your friend, my advice one needs to remain objective is honest but nothing more. It does not need to be followed

My shifts at my job are 2 days on 2 days off 2 days on 4 days off. Its impossible for me to change these shifts.



All I want is my daughter overnight 2 nights per week and say maybe 10 days Holiday per year so I can take her away.

Even if my X agreed to this when she finds out me and my new partner want to take her to Disneyland next year she will flip! and not allow it. I need something in place to give her some one to answer to, as its all her rules at the minute!

I have tried my very best to sought this out with her, she is unable to put are daughter first.

She has no control over me anymore and my life is the best it has been at the minute, as I have so much going for me. As she is alone and life isnt good she cant bear to see me happy so hurts me the only way she can

If my daughter had a voice she would want to see me more 1000% fact! not only just me but she has 2 nieces that she is amazingly close to and the rest of my family.

Going to court is a last resort. If you can agree something mutually outside of court then great. But not all relationships end well. Not all ex-partners can step away from the breakdown of a close relationship and think of their children. What you should do is look for family solicitors in your local area with a legal aid contract. I realise you say "money is no object" but by and large you should be able to get a free 30min interview for starter advice which you can take away and evaluate