Help Convincing Husband About Tattoo!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by cazlol, Aug 29, 2012.

  1. cazlol

    cazlol
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    Hi,

    Bit of a saga so bear with me! I've always wanted a tattoo but never had the reason for getting one. I didn't want to get one just for the sake of getting one so I've waited many years.
    I've just had a small one done on my wrist which are mine, my husband's and our daughter's first initials intertwined. I honestly thought he'd like it as I thought it was a nice representation of our family and our link etc. It's small enough to be covered with a bangle if not wanting to be shown off. I'd also designed it myself. He wasn't exactly thrilled but didn't say too much.

    My Dad has been battling Alzheimer's for the last 7 years and the best way to describe him now is as a shell. I've designed a tattoo that I want to get done which is basically a pile of books (he loved books) with medical terms and his name on the book spines (he was a Dr). I showed the design to my Mum, who I thought would go mad at the thought of me doing this but she burst into tears and was so touched and has even had the design printed out and framed!

    Now, I tell my husband that I want to get this done. He goes mad. Says he absolutely hates tattoos, hates the family one, doesn't get it, thinks I'm doing it as some sort of emotional reaction and would really hate me to do this. I obviously respect him and love him but I also really want to make permanent this tribute to my Dad (he was a very well respected Dr in his field).

    Does anyone have any ideas what I can do? I'm stuck between a rock (my mum, who would love me to get this done) and my husband.

    It's also quite hard to have a reasoned discussion with my husband as he's a lawyer and seems to have an answer to everything I throw at him. We had the discussion, he said he hated it & we left it at that. I don't know if showing him the design would help.

    Please any ideas welcomed, obviously I've thought of all the sexual ones!! But help with any reasoned discussion ideas would be great.

    Thanks for reading all this!

    Caroline
     
  2. Discombobulate

    Discombobulate
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    If it was me and my partner felt that strongly against it I wouldn't have it done.

    There are other ways you can show respect to your father rather than a tattoo.
     
  3. MC77

    MC77
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    Probably not the best advice, but if I were you I'd get it done and worry about the reaction after. It's your body and your decisions ultimately. Yes he may not like it or agree, but I'm sure there are plenty of things you don't like or agree with some things he does.

    I'd like to point out that I accept no responsibility if you end up divorced though. ;-)
     
  4. Trollslayer

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    It may be that it's not so much the tattoo but what has happened to his father.
    Is he able to talk about this with you? If not maybe there is someone not quite as close he could.
     
  5. captainarchive

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    This. Think of it from your husbands point of view, if he has to be reminded of his father in law, everytime he wants to get naked with you, the tatoo will be a real passion killer. No offence to your dad.
     
  6. Axl

    Axl
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    It's her father affected, not his.
     
  7. cazlol

    cazlol
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    I do get the bit about the passion killer but it's a pile of books with medical terms, not a portrait of my Dad!
     
  8. MC77

    MC77
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    You should do a portrait on one of your boobs, that'll teach him.
     
  9. jenam93

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    Where would it be and what size in order to be able to read the text on the books?

    What did your Dad think of tattoos?
     
  10. cazlol

    cazlol
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    My sister is a bit tattoo crazy, she's got about 8! So my Dad just sort of shrugged & got on with it. I would love to think he'd be aware if I showed him the design but sadly I think he's past that point now.

    It's going on my ribs, just under bust line down to about 4th or 5th rib so not massive, just big enough to be able to read the writing. I wish I could attach the design & show you but it's not letting me!
     
  11. Shared

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    Sounds like you need to have a proper sit down discussion about it, I know you've said that thats difficult but perhaps you should explain that its important to you and ask him to leave his lawyers hat at the office and come home wearing his heart instead.

    If i wanted to do something as badly as it sounds like you do i'd want to hear a reasoned argument about why i shouldn't have it done, not just comments like "I hate tattoo's" or "I dont get it", what about what you want ?, isn't that important ?, It seems on the surface that you've thought it over and have a sincere reason for wanting to get it done.


    The above of course, is assuming you're not thinking of having it in the centre of your forehead, and that you're not going to post in 6 months time looking for ways to convince hubby why its only right and proper that you should have the dogs name inscribed across your butt cheeks :)
     
  12. Member 79251

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    My ex-wife ended up getting her cool tattoo covered up after she left. The cover up looks like someone has melted some crayons on her back.

    Remember its your body and you do what you want with it.

    Maybe you should start watching LA Ink ;)
     
  13. 200p

    200p
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    A painting or photo or something instead? Or a temporary tattoo?

    Or something like that /\
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2012
  14. SBT

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    It's your body and your choice.If he doesn't like it then tough.Sounds like he's living in the dark ages :rolleyes:
     
  15. NewBeetle

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    It's not like he's forbid you to get it. He's told you how he feels and you now have to make a decision about it. I guess it boils down to:

    A: How strongly you feel about getting it done.
    B: How much you care about what your partner wants.
     
  16. cazlol

    cazlol
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    I think if I've done this right then the design should be attached.

    Turning it into a painting or something similar is a very good alternative.

    Yes I have thought this through long and hard (through the 7 years I've had to watch him decline) and it's not just a whim.

    This would be it for me tattoo wise, I only ever wanted to get something that had meaning.

    I do watch all the Miami, LA etc Inks, that's partly why he thinks I've become tattoo obsessed!

    Thanks for all the advice, you're being really helpful and helping me think this through in all different ways.

    :clap:
     

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  17. Jules

    Jules
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    I really don't like Tattoos at all, but if my girl decided to get tattooed up I'd take the view that as adults we don't need telling what to do with our bodies (unless it's dangerous).

    It's pretty harmless, and it's what's on the inside that really counts... so if I was in that position I'd try to be cool with it.
     
  18. Big_Si_Owen

    Big_Si_Owen
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    Will you even be able to see it there? How will it remind you of your dad?

    I've never understood tattoos either. Most generally look rubbish, ugly and chavvy. :-/ Not sure what my reaction would be if my wife had one done? (Fortunately she doesn't like them either so I don't think we'll be having that conversation :))
     
  19. Shared

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    I think its probably the process of having it done, and the reasons for having it done that are more important than actually being able to see it, her knowing its there will be the reminder, she wont need to be hoiking up her blouse/t-shirt to be reminded of her dad.


    To the OP: Nice design if its not to large, tell hubby its either that or an MRI Scanner across your back :D
     
  20. Member 79251

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    That is really nice. Can he not see that ?

    Where would you get it ?
     
  21. Lee

    Lee
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    Agree :).

    If doing that doesn't lead to resentment now it could in the future.
     
  22. Ari33

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    Im in two minds about this. On one hand I dont like them either but maybe your hubby should respect your choice of how you choose to honour your father however tacky he feels it might be.


    The Mrs says your hubby is out of order. She says that although she's not a tattoo person that it is obviously something very personal, not a passing phase as its a reminder of your dad. All down to personal choice if thats the way you choose to remember him then surely that should be respected.


    Edit: If its likely to lead to divorce just remember he is a lawyer. ;)
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2012
  23. kav

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    Husband is out of order IMO. It's something important to the OP and he should respect what she wants to do, regardless of whether he likes it or not.
     
  24. oakland

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    Surely if he feels so strongly about it and you would be happy with a picture is that not problem solved? Or am I missing something?
     
  25. captainarchive

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    You could argue the swastika is just some jagged lines, surrounded by a circle, it's not a portrait of a deathcamp. It's symbolic and it'll make your husband think about his father in law and I don't know of many men who'd consider the thought of their partners dad a turn-on.
     
  26. cazlol

    cazlol
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    That's precisely what the whole process is to me. Also that I designed it myself and all the book spines represent his whole life, his work and his love of books.

    It's hard watching someone that close to you slowly fade away, I have had the wrist tattoo for about 2 months now and he's never really paid attention to it but when I went to see him yesterday he traced over the letters with his fingers and I explained what it meant and he was able to see the individual initials and knew to whom they referred. I just about held it together whilst I was with him but the minute I got downstairs I just broke down.

    i think whilst the whole discussion is going on with the hubby I'll print out the design and show it to him so at least he can see it and hopefully realise what I've done to honour him.

    :)
     
  27. cazlol

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    No, you're not missing something, someone suggested it earlier in this thread and I hadn't thought of it and it's actually a really good compromise.
     
  28. Discombobulate

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    Is that your wrist tattoo isn your avatar. Can't see it in context of your hand but looks big.
     
  29. plasmahd80

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    Just a throw away idea, but how about having it done as a temporary tattoo (not sure what they are actually called I'm sure there is a proper name for them), then have an artsy type photo taken of you with it, black and white etc. If you get what I mean?
     
  30. jenam93

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    A henna tattoo?
     

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