Health and Safety vs The Death Star

technoman28

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Came across this on a h&s forum, (while looking for information on the colour of intumescent expanding foam!), thought some of you may find it amusing especially those with a h&s background.




For all the yipping Admiral Motti does about his station being the "ultimate power in the universe," certain aspects of the Death Star's construction leave a lot to be desired. Indeed, on several occasions the Death Star's sinister engineers seemingly made it one of their design specifications to make things as dangerous as possible.

*1. THE SUPERLASER

Each of the superlaser's seven constituent beams shoots down a manned accelerator tunnel, causing anyone who might be standing next to these beams to shirk against the wall and hope they aren't disintegrated by a stray static charge. Each beam has at least enough power to destroy a planet one-seventh the size of Alderaan, so we can assume close-up exposure to any of them could lead to massive epidermal ionization, incurable melanoma or, at very least, unwanted freckles.
The superlaser accelerator tunnels probably have to be worker- accessible, and I'm not calling for a removal of the catwalks alongside the beams' paths. But couldn't they sufficiently warn the technicians before the thing was going to be fired so they could move out of harm's way? Would the installation of a few lousy warning lights really have cost that much more in the Emperor's grand scheme of things?

*2. DANGEROUS ALLOCATION OF ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY

Any spherical battle station the size of a small moon would have its own gravity, wherein "down" would be directed toward the station's center. But we can tell the Death Star uses artificial gravity generators, because "down" is always in the direction of the station's "south pole." (Those Imperial boobs actually expend energy to defeat a core-oriented gravity situation that would have made more sense to begin with! Suckers!) Given that the station utilizes artificial gravity generators, why aren't they turned off or just plain not installed beneath the station's slew of virtually bottomless chasms? Countless stormtroopers (stormtroopers with families, I would remind you) would have lived to fight another day were their minor blaster wounds not followed by a plunge into oblivion. Okay, okay. It's possible that only one gravity generator services the entire Death Star, and that that generator can't be fine-tuned to provide gravity to only certain areas. But if that's the case, then why is there a...

*3. COMPLETE LACK OF SAFETY RAILS AROUND DEADLY CHASMS

Take docking bay 327, for example. There's a huge elevator shaft in the floor, in the middle of what is obviously a high-traffic area. And not so much as a "Watch Your Step" sign. Even more preposterous is the placement of controls for the tractor beam, hundreds of feet up and surrounded only by a precarious six-inch circular ledge. Sure, this setup worked to the Empire's advantage at least once, significantly slowing down Obi Wan's attempt to sabotage the controls, but I'll bet the ratio of Rebel sabotage incidents to legitimate tractor beam maintenance by certified Imperial workers wasn't low enough to justify the risky panel placement.

*4. UNPREDICTABLE, GUILLOTINE-SPEED PRESSURE DOORS

Sure, they look cool, but how many stormtroopers have to whack their heads running into rooms before the Emporer takes notice? We saw it happen once, and we were privy to only an hour or so of Death Star footage. Imagine what goes on during those thousands of hours we didn't see! How many concussions have occured? How many slow-moving saps have been cut in half by the doors as they sliced down into the floor with the efficiency of a galactic-scale French revolution? It is my hope and dream that one day, the Emporer's dark servants will form a union and work to correct these flagrant safety violations.
 
Came across this on a h&s forum, (while looking for information on the colour of intumescent expanding foam!), thought some of you may find it amusing especially those with a h&s background.




For all the yipping Admiral Motti does about his station being the "ultimate power in the universe," certain aspects of the Death Star's construction leave a lot to be desired. Indeed, on several occasions the Death Star's sinister engineers seemingly made it one of their design specifications to make things as dangerous as possible.

*1. THE SUPERLASER

Each of the superlaser's seven constituent beams shoots down a manned accelerator tunnel, causing anyone who might be standing next to these beams to shirk against the wall and hope they aren't disintegrated by a stray static charge. Each beam has at least enough power to destroy a planet one-seventh the size of Alderaan, so we can assume close-up exposure to any of them could lead to massive epidermal ionization, incurable melanoma or, at very least, unwanted freckles.
The superlaser accelerator tunnels probably have to be worker- accessible, and I'm not calling for a removal of the catwalks alongside the beams' paths. But couldn't they sufficiently warn the technicians before the thing was going to be fired so they could move out of harm's way? Would the installation of a few lousy warning lights really have cost that much more in the Emperor's grand scheme of things?

These secondary beams are merely for stabilisation of the central emitter from where the main beam is formed and are completely harmless in nature.

*2. DANGEROUS ALLOCATION OF ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY

Any spherical battle station the size of a small moon would have its own gravity, wherein "down" would be directed toward the station's center. But we can tell the Death Star uses artificial gravity generators, because "down" is always in the direction of the station's "south pole." (Those Imperial boobs actually expend energy to defeat a core-oriented gravity situation that would have made more sense to begin with! Suckers!) Given that the station utilizes artificial gravity generators, why aren't they turned off or just plain not installed beneath the station's slew of virtually bottomless chasms? Countless stormtroopers (stormtroopers with families, I would remind you) would have lived to fight another day were their minor blaster wounds not followed by a plunge into oblivion. Okay, okay. It's possible that only one gravity generator services the entire Death Star, and that that generator can't be fine-tuned to provide gravity to only certain areas. But if that's the case, then why is there a...

The gravity well generated naturally by the mass of the Deathstar is only equivalent to a small moon. This is hazardous to normal operation. The top down gravitic orientation was decided as being the most suitable for the wide range of activities conducted within the Deathstar. The spherical design structure of the deathstar is there primarily as a function of efficient distribution of mass vs volume. Its also handy to confuse unwary smugglers into thinking its a small moon however older jedi are less easy to fool in this regard.

*3. COMPLETE LACK OF SAFETY RAILS AROUND DEADLY CHASMS

Take docking bay 327, for example. There's a huge elevator shaft in the floor, in the middle of what is obviously a high-traffic area. And not so much as a "Watch Your Step" sign. Even more preposterous is the placement of controls for the tractor beam, hundreds of feet up and surrounded only by a precarious six-inch circular ledge. Sure, this setup worked to the Empire's advantage at least once, significantly slowing down Obi Wan's attempt to sabotage the controls, but I'll bet the ratio of Rebel sabotage incidents to legitimate tractor beam maintenance by certified Imperial workers wasn't low enough to justify the risky panel placement.

These areas are intended to be operated and maintained entirely by droid from both an efficiency and security perspective. Please do not enter these areas again or you will be subject to summary evaporation.

*4. UNPREDICTABLE, GUILLOTINE-SPEED PRESSURE DOORS

Sure, they look cool, but how many stormtroopers have to whack their heads running into rooms before the Emporer takes notice? We saw it happen once, and we were privy to only an hour or so of Death Star footage. Imagine what goes on during those thousands of hours we didn't see! How many concussions have occured? How many slow-moving saps have been cut in half by the doors as they sliced down into the floor with the efficiency of a galactic-scale French revolution? It is my hope and dream that one day, the Emporer's dark servants will form a union and work to correct these flagrant safety violations.

The rapid operation of these doors is deliberate and necessary for their primary function ; to rapidly seal off areas of the Deathstar in the event of accidental pressure loss. Whilst they do operate at considerable speed they will not actually deploy in the event of obstruction.

Stormtroopers are generally recruited with the realisation they will be packed into small spaces aboard imperial vessels. Strict candidate criteria ensures that most troopers rarely range above 5ft 6 inches in height . This requirement has influence the overall design of imperial craft and also has a beneficial impact from a security perspective in restricting the available activity space to rampaging wookies who regularly break free from confinement. However as an equal opportunities employer the Imperial Forces do on a regular basis consider exceptional candidates who do not necessary meet all the necessary criteria including maximum height.
We feel the significant benefit these individuals bring to the Force far outweighs any minor operational difficulties that may result. However high heels remain and continue to be considered contraband on this particular battle station at this time.
 

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