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Have you an "estranged" family?

JonnyTester

Prominent Member
The reason I ask is that, some time ago I got beaten up by my brother-in-law, egged on by my sister. They had both been drinking heavily at a birthday party we were at and had argued and fought with several people, including each other, throughout the course of their drinking session. When my wife and I left the party, they followed us outside and picked a row with us. My brother-in-law punched my wife in the face before punching and kicking me repeatedly about the head. The police arrived and he was arrested. The doorman of the hotel gave a statement to the police fully backing up what I had told them and he has now been charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm on me and common assault on my wife.

At the time of the assault, my brother sat in his car and made no attempt to come to my wife and I's assistance and refused to give a statement to the police. But worst of all, my brother-in-law went to my parents and told them that he HAD to give me a kicking because I had called his 16-year-old daughter a "drunken whore". Of course, nothing of the sort was said but my parents accepted his excuse with the result I told them I never wanted to see them, or any other member of my family again.

I don't regret or feel guilty doing so, but I feel sorry for my kids who will never see their grandparents again (or at least until they decide they want to see them again).
 

Alun

Prominent Member
My Dad fell out with his dad many, many years ago. Consequently I have grown up without a grandad. I wouldnt consider myself to be any worse off for it.

It would probably be more of an issue for your folks than your children.

on the other matter, if my BIL punched my wife in the face, I know that particular christmas card would NEVER be written again, regardless of the circumstances.
 

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
The reason I ask is that, some time ago I got beaten up by my brother-in-law, egged on by my sister. They had both been drinking heavily at a birthday party we were at and had argued and fought with several people, including each other, throughout the course of their drinking session. When my wife and I left the party, they followed us outside and picked a row with us. My brother-in-law punched my wife in the face before punching and kicking me repeatedly about the head. The police arrived and he was arrested. The doorman of the hotel gave a statement to the police fully backing up what I had told them and he has now been charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm on me and common assault on my wife.

At the time of the assault, my brother sat in his car and made no attempt to come to my wife and I's assistance and refused to give a statement to the police. But worst of all, my brother-in-law went to my parents and told them that he HAD to give me a kicking because I had called his 16-year-old daughter a "drunken whore". Of course, nothing of the sort was said but my parents accepted his excuse with the result I told them I never wanted to see them, or any other member of my family again.

I don't regret or feel guilty doing so, but I feel sorry for my kids who will never see their grandparents again (or at least until they decide they want to see them again).

seems like you've got a pretty dysfunctional family there.Id stay clear until you get a sincere apology from all sides.
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
My missus rarely see's anyone from her family as they are.... incapable of behaving like civilised adults, shall we say. This way she doesn't give them too many chances to hurt her. Its for the best.
 

FishDUDE

Prominent Member
Well I thought this would be asimple whos family is worse, but to be fair it's yours.

My family is very estranged I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers 2 dads (i guess) and 2 mums(dito) 2 of my step sisters and 1 of my step brothers are Junkies. but I have nowt to do with that side.

My mother sent me to live with my dads mother when I was 9, and I never heard from her again 'till I was 23 when I made contact as my first was born.

But still never have any of us hurt each other (other than my mum, to my bro and dad)

Family are a nightmare, but I would not even consider having anything to do with then if they did that to you!

Not trying to say my family are better or what ever but violance (sp?) is wrong if there wernt a swear filter i'd sat **** 'em.

Sorry to hear about you probs. Ewan.
 

Davieboy00

Established Member
I only see one of my sisters once a year at Christmas and that's only because I am 'encouraged' to by my parents.
Far too long a story to go into here but the root cause is that my sister and brother in law are alcoholics.
I have no regrets about not being in contact with my sister - didn't like her that much before the problems.
The regret I have is that I don't get to see 2 of my nieces and one of my nephews more than a couple of times a year.
As the old saying goes - 'You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family' :rolleyes:
 

Frostytouch

Established Member
Yeah mine is a nightmare too.

Mum and dad seperated since 1979 when I was 9, stayed with dad not allowed to see mum.

Got married, dad started row, shouted at my wife and her dad, my mum's sister and more.

Loads of other rubbish.

Now have two lovely kids and don't want to have a christening purely because I don't want have to invite both sides of my parents and embarass myself, my wife and her family again.

Tempted to have a private blessing, me, the wife and the kids and not tell anyone.

PS to the OP that bloke who sat in the car is no brother of yours!
 

CooperUK

Prominent Member
Don't have anything much to do with anyone in my biological family other than my dad for a variety of reasons.

More to do with psychological impact than any physical problems.
 

ark383

Established Member
My mum is a school teacher and claims that as a family that we are the abnormal ones. Both parents are still happily married, with 3 boys and 1 girl, and 2 grand-daughters by the middle son. We all get on fine.

The girlfriends on the other hand come from disfunctional families
 

Toasty

Distinguished Member
Now have two lovely kids and don't want to have a christening purely because I don't want have to invite both sides of my parents and embarass myself, my wife and her family again.

It's really odd, but this is a common sentiment. Big family occasions, such as weddings, christenings and even funerals can be completely ruined by family unrest emerging after a few beers.

I played a gig at an engagement party a few years ago and we were asked to go on early because a row had started and hopefully we'd be a big enough distraction to pre-empt a punch up :eek: You've never seen a band play and get out of a room so quick :D
 

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
Funny thing is a I work for a family who are completely the reverse.They often have weekend parties consisting of nineteen family members who all get on very well .They are rich people but they are happy and rich which must be a perfect combination No side to them either
 

NewMan

Prominent Member
It's not much, but I have an aunt I refuse to have anything to do with.

She is diabetic, and has never looked after herself too well, with all the drinking and such. Anyway, a few years ago her kidneys failed, and my mum (being her sister) donated one of hers. We all thought she'd get herself straightened out after that, but nope, she carried on as before with her racist, retard boyfriend drinking enough to drown a Sailor's pub, and last I heard was that her (or should I say, my mum's!) kidney was failing again...
After all my mum went through, and having considerably shortened her own life to extend my aunts, she goes and carries on the same? Well, as someone has mentioned above, I have said **** her, I don't want to know her anymore...
 

fire boy

Established Member
Wow, brave post mate.
One proverb which has served me well in times like these is "You can choose your freinds but you can't choose your family"

Don't worry too much, hold your head high and enjoy YOUR life and never try justify the actions of an idiot!
 

eric pisch

Distinguished Member
id wash me hands of the whole lot of them

and if someone laid a hand on my wife .... gawd help em, im vindictive, do not forget or forgive and human life has very little value to me
 
Who hasn't these days?
Families & siblings can be worse than.....well....enemies.
Because they know everything about you , including your strengths & weaknesses.
 

dBrowne

Prominent Member
Nasty moment of truth in finding out where exactly you lie in your family's affections. I think you're right to cut your losses. Commiserations nonetheless.
 

quarry2006

Prominent Member
JonnyTester, that's a horrific story and I think you've done the right thing by disassociating yourself with them.

A few years back, when we were planning our marriage, my dad in particular was behaving like an arse, inviting all and sundry from his family to the do. In the end, my father-in-law had to step in and put him straight. My dad's pretty much a coward so he buckled under after that. But what resulted from that year was that I had a bit of therapy, saw a counsellor for some sessions and came out feeling a lot better. It just put everything into perspective, that you can't do anything about the way people behave and think - so many of us, though, will forgive any number of transgressions simply because they're commited by someone who's related to them.

I say, there's nothing to give you reason to expect you'd get on with someone just because they're related to you.

For all the crap that my lot have put me through over the years, I've cut myself off completely from my sister and I phone my dad once a month, purely out of a sense of duty and nothing else. They make no effort with my kids, and that's the sticking point: I've accepted how they are towards me but now it's spilled over to affect my kids, I've said enough is enough.

Soon enough, my two kids will forget about the relatives that don't come and see them. Knowing my dad and sister as I do, it's no great loss.
 

Phil57

Prominent Member
The reason I ask is that, some time ago I got beaten up by my brother-in-law, egged on by my sister. They had both been drinking heavily at a birthday party we were at and had argued and fought with several people, including each other, throughout the course of their drinking session. When my wife and I left the party, they followed us outside and picked a row with us. My brother-in-law punched my wife in the face before punching and kicking me repeatedly about the head. The police arrived and he was arrested. The doorman of the hotel gave a statement to the police fully backing up what I had told them and he has now been charged with assault occasioning actual bodily harm on me and common assault on my wife.

At the time of the assault, my brother sat in his car and made no attempt to come to my wife and I's assistance and refused to give a statement to the police. But worst of all, my brother-in-law went to my parents and told them that he HAD to give me a kicking because I had called his 16-year-old daughter a "drunken whore". Of course, nothing of the sort was said but my parents accepted his excuse with the result I told them I never wanted to see them, or any other member of my family again.

I don't regret or feel guilty doing so, but I feel sorry for my kids who will never see their grandparents again (or at least until they decide they want to see them again).

Have I read this before?
 

Fast Jon

Established Member
Yes, families can be more trouble than they're worth, especially when you factor alcohol into the equation. I went 10 years without speaking to my sister, but we're OK now. It bothered me because I missed a large chunk of my nephew & niece's growing up.
And I have to say that any bloke who launched a physical attack against my missus would be facing much more severe problems than a common assault charge.
 

Phil57

Prominent Member
:confused: .... Could anyone confirm if this post has been listed before? I am pretty sure it has been.
 

DVD-Man

Distinguished Member

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