• New Patreon Tier and Early Access Content available. If you would like to support AVForums, we now have a new Patreon Tier which gives you access to selected news, reviews and articles before they are available to the public. Read more.

Has anyone's partner taken their name without marriage?

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
Afternoon all.

I don't want this to turn into a debate about marriage etc.

The long and short of it is I don't want to get married. I have no interest in it at all.

The Mrs and I are looking at having kids in the next couple of years and she would like to take my surname.

Having looked into it she can change her name via deed poll, has anyone done this?

My mum was telling me a friend of hers has done it with no issues in just interested if anyone else has?

Thanks for any input
 

MrSossidge

Distinguished Member
My mum took my stepdads surname. I don't recall her doing it by deed poll she just started to use that surname in all aspects of her life. I'm fairly sure she had her passport done aswell.

When you do have kids ensure that you jointly register their birth so that you gain parental responsibility for them.
 

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
My mum took my stepdads surname. I don't recall her doing it by deed poll she just started to use that surname in all aspects of her life. I'm fairly sure she had her passport done aswell.

When you do have kids ensure that you jointly register their birth so that you gain parental responsibility for them.

Thank you, I never realised about the joint registering.
 

FZR400RRSP

Banned
My mum took my stepdads surname. I don't recall her doing it by deed poll she just started to use that surname in all aspects of her life. I'm fairly sure she had her passport done as well

She can't just have changed her name on her passport without any form of official documentation to back up the name change.:D
If you get married or a civil partnership, you have to give the passport office proof.
If you change your name by deed poll, they need proof.
If you change your name 'on a whim', then they need you to complete a statement/affidavit which has to be signed by a solicitor/notary public/councillor etc.
 

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
We would always use deed poll anyway and we don't have passports etc so it'll be minimal aggro to change her accounts.

Just the usual bank etc
 

wilbanat

Distinguished Member
Hold the Phone !
So you're telling me that I didn't have to get married and all this can be done as normal ? :mad: FML

:p
 

FZR400RRSP

Banned
Hold the Phone !
So you're telling me that I didn't have to get married and all this can be done as normal ? :mad: FML

:p

Yeah, but you got a good day/night out and some presents.:D
Much as the OP doesn't want to get into a debate about marriage, I can't help feeling that if to all intents as purposes they 'look' married (same name), then why not just get married...o_O
Strange, but it takes all sorts, I suppose.
 

MrSossidge

Distinguished Member
If you change your name 'on a whim', then they need you to complete a statement/affidavit which has to be signed by a solicitor/notary public/councillor etc.
That sounds familiar. I'm sure she put plenty of thought into it before she actually did it though.
 

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
To be honest it's the Mrs idea as she wants us to have the same name for when we have children and she "says" she's not fussed about marriage but wants my name

I do get what your saying but I'm afraid it's not going to happen.
 

MrSossidge

Distinguished Member
Thank you, I never realised about the joint registering.
If you don't have parental responsibility then you may have difficulties taking kids to doctors, collecting from school, going abroad with them on your own. It never caused me any problem though with my eldest who was born before 2003 but it is something that could cause a problem with you being unmarried.
 

hippo99

Distinguished Member
Yeah, but you got a good day/night out and some presents.:D
Much as the OP doesn't want to get into a debate about marriage, I can't help feeling that if to all intents as purposes they 'look' married (same name), then why not just get married...
Strange, but it takes all sorts, I suppose.
Not getting officially 'married' might even cause more hassles in the long run.
Eg if a nurse/registrar sees you both have the same surname they would wrongly assume you're legally married. The advice given earlier about 'jointly registering a birth' would not have been given. Had you had different surnames, the nurse/registrar would likely give you the relevant advice re: joint registration.

Similar scenarios will arise again where people will assume you're married (& covered/protected legally) so don't give you the relevant advice for non-married couples...
 

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
So perhaps we are better not doing it at all then? If it's going to cause a legal nightmare with things.

This is why I like to ask the questions before jumping into anything

Wait till I tell the Mrs it's a no go thanks to AV forums :D

Interested in any other thoughts though
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
Just pop down the register office - in and out in 20 minutes - minimal or no guests - job done - that's what we did (then big 'wedding' the next day - optional). That would be my vote for a 'simple' life and not worrrying about stuff like this.

We had our first child pre-marriage. Yes it meant we both had to be present at the name registration.

If you don't, you will have to get used to saying/thinking 'he's not actually my husband/she's not actually my wife/we're not actually married' a lot. It's tedious enough when you have different surnames and aren't married.
 
Last edited:

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
Just pop down the register office - in and out in 20 minutes - minimal or no guests - job done - that's what we did (then big 'wedding' the next day - optional). That would be my vote for a 'simple' life and not worrrying about stuff like this.

We had our first child pre-marriage. Yes it meant at both we both had to be present at the name registration.

If you don't, you will have to get used to saying/thinking 'he's not actually my husband/she's not actually my wife/we're not actually married' a lot. It's tedious enough when you have different surnames and aren't married.


Wish I hadn't started this thread now :D
 

PSM1

Distinguished Member
No need to answer but I am so curious as to why marriage is such an issue. You are going to be doing everything but get married in terms of living together, changing name and building a family. What is it with the bit of paper that is such a no no considering a quick civil ceremony is cheap, quick and do not even have to have the family involved?
 
D

Deleted member 498601

Guest
Wish I hadn't started this thread now :D

Could you please satisfy my, and I'm sure other readers' curiosity, and tell us why it is that you don't want marriage? I understand that you don't want a 'debate' about marriage, but tbh, it's ineviatable in a thread about not marrying!

If I read it correctly, you do want things that comes with marriage, such as a woman that for all intents and purpose is your wife (lives with you, has erm, marital relations with you, bears your children, presumably owns/ rents property with you, shares bills with you, sits on the electoral roll with you etc.), children that will call you Dad someday, and bear your name also.

I honestly don't see why on earth marriage is such a no-no for you! If you don't want to behave like a married person, don't get married, that's completely your choice of course. But I don't think you can't have it both ways.

All that as an aside, just reading about the downsides and pitfalls must be enough to convince you to throw £50 -£60 at a registrar and just be done with it...
 
D

Deleted member 498601

Guest
No need to answer but I am so curious as to why marriage is such an issue. You are going to be doing everything but get married in terms of living together, changing name and building a family. What is it with the bit of paper that is such a no no considering a quick civil ceremony is cheap, quick and do not even have to have the family involved?

Pesky almost word-for-word crossposting lol!
 

Eric

Distinguished Member
Damn you can do this without getting married?? Wish I had known that 8 years ago!!

Seriously though, we were not fussed about getting married. Had been together 15+ years before it. We had our daughter who took my surname. It was me that didn't like the different names on passports, booking holidays etc..
We did it at the registration office, few friends and family and went for a meal in the evening.
 

Inferno

Distinguished Member
Damn you can do this without getting married?? Wish I had known that 8 years ago!!

Seriously though, we were not fussed about getting married. Had been together 15+ years before it. We had our daughter who took my surname. It was me that didn't like the different names on passports, booking holidays etc..
We did it at the registration office, few friends and family and went for a meal in the evening.

I have been with my partner 12+ years, our 2 boys have my surname and I don't know what it is but I just do not want to be married because of all the mither and having to have a doo after it, it scares me, if only it was going to be as simple as you make out yours was.
 

Eric

Distinguished Member
@Inferno , it was really as simple as that. We only had immediate family. Parents, brothers and sisters, I have just remembered we had our neighbours as their daughter was one of the bridesmaids with our daughter. Of which not all of them came to the meal. I think there was only 10-12 of us that ate in the evening.
 

Trollslayer

Distinguished Member
Hold the Phone !
So you're telling me that I didn't have to get married and all this can be done as normal ? :mad: FML

:p
There will be a different type of anniversary to forget.
 

PSM1

Distinguished Member
I have been with my partner 12+ years, our 2 boys have my surname and I don't know what it is but I just do not want to be married because of all the mither and having to have a doo after it, it scares me, if only it was going to be as simple as you make out yours was.
Getting married is as simple as you want to make it. So as Eric says it really can be as simple as just turning up to the registrars office and getting it done or it can be a huge event with lots of people coming. So if the other half is happy for a low key event then you can do this (if she really wants to get married then if given the choice of low key or n event I am sure she will pick the low key one!!!)
 

sparkie1984

Distinguished Member
I should have known the conversation would turn this way. :)

To be honest I really don't know why.

Whether it's something subconscious from my mum and dad splitting up and having a vile step mum who mostly ruined my childhood (I don't want to go any further into it)

Or whether it's something else??

I've just never thought anything of marriage.

However you lot are quite correct that it's actually probably the easiest way.
 

Trollslayer

Distinguished Member
Seriously, as long as you have traceability e.g. deed pool then you should be fine.
 

The latest video from AVForums

JVC 4K projectors, Denon X3800 & Perlisten speaker reviews, adding a sub to 2-channel + AV/HiFi news
Subscribe to our YouTube channel

Full fat HDMI teeshirts

Support AVForums with Patreon

Top Bottom