Greeting cards that you will never see.


Distinguished Member
Greeting cards are getting expensive, so why not design your very own Hallmark Moment with some of these sayings:

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.
After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder:
What the heck was I thinking?"

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me.
Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life! I never new what evil was before this!"

"Money is tight, times are hard, here's your @#$/& Christmas card!!!"

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, I would like you to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with breasts that are bigger than mine."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't be with you, since I'm taking the kids and moving in with my sister, you cheating bastard!"


Active Member
on a valentines card :-
Roses are red
Violets are funky
I'm thinking of you
whilst spanking my ........


the "Money is tight, times are hard, Heres your @#$/& christmas card" i have a card with that on. Its a home made job with the funiest song inside it. If anyone would like it PM me with your e-mail address and i will scan it and send it to you. It is so damn funny


Active Member
I'm afraid I cannot repeat the full punchline to the best ever Christmas card I've seen as I don't fancy a long term ban...

The front of the card had a traditional Christmassy scene and in big pink letters the caption, "Happy Christmas, Jesus loves you..."

Open up the card and inside reads, "Everyone else thinks you're a C:censored: !!"

How I cried with laughter when I saw the recipient receive the card from his trusty workforce. :rotfl: :D :thumbsup:


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