Funny things the kids have said

shodan

Distinguished Member
So post play-gym fiasco on Friday, 4yr old pipes up with her take of my handling of her sisters tantrum "I don't think you were very nice to charlotte daddy, you should have bought her a doll and a bun, I don't want you to be part of our family anymore".:D
Little sod.
When little, my boy once said that he didn't want me to be his daddy anymore. I took my wallet out, showed him the notes inside then did a little disappear dance with it then I walked away. I didn't get 5ft away. [emoji23]
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
Ended up crying with laughter at this one yesterday involving my 10 year old super genius/moron son...
So, my missus works at the local David Lloyd gym. My kids join the kids clubs and classes there when we need someone with them for an hour or so due to the shifts we both work so the staff there are very familiar with my kids.

I'd taken the kids there yesterday afternoon whilst Doris had an hour left of her shift and I had to go to work. As I was still there, Jack was sitting down minding his own business absorbed in a mobile phone game.
One of the kids club staff members came out dressed as batman carrying a tray of sweets and with literature about the kids activities.
He sat down next to Jack and in a deep gravely batman-esque voice he said "Jack, would you like some sweets"?

Jack has leapt up, shrieked and ran 10ft away and struck some bizarre Confused Crane Kung Fu pose and shouted "NO BATMAN, NO! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT, YOU SCARED ME"!!!!

Poor batman didn't know what to do and I couldn't help because I'd slid onto the floor and was having trouble setting and breathing...[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 

Ruperts slippers

Distinguished Member
When little, my boy once said that he didn't want me to be his daddy anymore. I took my wallet out, showed him the notes inside then did a little disappear dance with it then I walked away. I didn't get 5ft away. [emoji23]
I mentioned this to my mum who laughed she in turn told my dad who thinks Sophie was out of order.
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
I mentioned this to my mum who laughed she in turn told my dad who thinks Sophie was out of order.
Lol, she's four. No sense of the impact of her words and no filter...[emoji3]
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
That's what I said, my dads old school, he'd have probably given a her the slipper, then 4 hrs stood in the corner facing the wall. :D
Thankfully it's a different world now! I had an uncle who tried to convince me that smacking my kids was an ok form of punishment.

Eventually I lost the plot with him and his nonsense and pointed out that neither of his kids were smacked, no matter what they did and that I didn't want to teach my kids that if you are met with something you didn't like or a person was presenting a situation you didn't like, then you should resort to violence.
He didn't have much of a reply except to try to back up but by then I had the bull by the horns, as it were...
 
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hort2074

Well-known Member
My 4 year old was just sat on the sofa watching (safe) videos on YouTube.

She turned to me and said, "Daddy, are cats really scared of cucumbers?"

Lol, god knows what she's been watching.
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
My 4 year old was just sat on the sofa watching (safe) videos on YouTube.

She turned to me and said, "Daddy, are cats really scared of cucumbers?"

Lol, god knows what she's been watching.
Mate it's brilliant, check out the vids. Some cats are terrified by them and completely freak out! [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 

hort2074

Well-known Member
This is the same 4 year old that just came up to me and said, "Daddy, you're a bumhole picker".

Lol, what have we raised!!!!
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
A reversal of the topic, heard today, on a plane coming in to land.

Child (didn't see how old): <closes window blind>
Dad: You have to have those open er Timmy
Timmy: <does nothing>
Dad: If you don't open it, the pilot can't see where he's going to land

o_O o_O o_O

Surely not everything needs a made-up story :laugh:
 

IronGiant

Moderator
I let my youngest loose on a pomegranate to get the seeds out.

"It's like getting blood out of a rock"
 

Ruperts slippers

Distinguished Member
Tinternets slow today so they're sharing a tablet, as usual bickering ensued, 4yr old ranting in her sisters face "I'm not going to stop crying" to which her sister replies "You smell". :D
Only 7 days left of the school hols.:clap:
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
Come home to find 4yo upset after today's school - first day she hasn't been beaming. I attempt to find out what happened

What happened?
<very small voice> I got told off
Oh dear - why?
A girl kept staring right in my face
I see - did you tell her you didn't like it?
Yes
Okay - so why did you get told off?
<even smaller voice> I told her with my foot
I see
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
Come home to find 4yo upset after today's school - first day she hasn't been beaming. I attempt to find out what happened

What happened?
<very small voice> I got told off
Oh dear - why?
A girl kept staring right in my face
I see - did you tell her you didn't like it?
Yes
Okay - so why did you get told off?
<even smaller voice> I told her with my foot
I see
Lol, wasn't me......i taught her nothing
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
Me: What are you hoping to get for Christmas?
10 yo: Hmm - a new bedroom and a torch
:censored:
 

IronGiant

Moderator
!3 year old lives at the end of the radiator chain and every time they complain how cold their room is I just say, Christmas only comes when it's cold...

You can imagine how well that goes down :D
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
[Daughter misreads advert for film The Greatest Showman]
"Daddy who is the greatest snowman?"
"It's not snowman, it's Showman - it's about someone that started a circus"
"Oh I see... how did a snowman start a circus?"
":facepalm:"
 

safcalibur

Distinguished Member
My 2 yr old laying in her cotbed to go to sleep starts singing Happy Birthday as loud as she can in a voice that sounds Iike a cross between Donald Duck and Batman, had me in stitches and I'm supposed to be putting the little darling to sleep!!
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
My daughter for me today that she loves her F.U.C.K. clothes...[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
Oh my good, I can't breathe! Best moment of my life....[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Doris was delicately explaining to the kids that her mum is going into hospital for a hysterectomy.
She said that her mum was ill before so she's going to have an operation where they will take away something that she doesn't need or use anymore to make sure she doesn't get sick again.

Eve, 8 years old, said "Is she going to have her brain taken out"?

Oh brilliant!!![emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] She still has no idea why I took her to the sweet shop and gave her money... What a great day...[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 

imightbewrong

Distinguished Member
Screenshot_20180314-200517__01.jpg
 

rhino2k

Distinguished Member
My 6 year old daughter a few days ago to mummy....

"I know that Santa we saw was fake, The toys he gave us said made in china"

Got to love them, Wondered why she came out with it 4 months after seeing him, Then saw the bear she got had been played with :laugh:
 

IronGiant

Moderator
We could do with a thread of "things you say your kids find funny".
There was a piece of battered fish leftover from the girls tea, so i suggested to Mrs IG we could polish it off between us and divided it in half. Mrs IG opened her mouth clearly indicating I should "feed her" with her half.

And I said "Sorry but it's far too large to get it in"

At which point the girls dissolved in hysterical laughter...

Clearly we have gone wrong somewhere if they found that smutty :laugh::facepalm:

(Note: they are teenage girls)
 

kBm

Distinguished Member
Picture the scene...in a car park, the car next to us is all dirty and someone has written rude words in the muck..

7yr old son - starts reading the words - "f..u...fuc....fuc* me. Fuc* me. Fuc* me. What does Fuc* me mean?"
So my wife explains that it's a rude word and we never say it etc.
I'm no use as im doubled over trying to hide my laughter
My son shouts over to his sister (5yrs old) "We're not allowed to say Fuc* me, ok?"

Good thing the car park was empty...
 

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