Finding it tough emotionally.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by blasted, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. blasted

    blasted
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    As you may or may not know from previous threads my job relocated to a new place and I've had to move with it. I now have the keys to a rented place in a village called Weedon Bec. A majority of my stuff is now down there but I still have to come back to my house to get the remainder of my possessions. I've known about this move for about a year and a half, so its not been sprung on me at the last moment.

    I know forums aren't always the best place to spill out what's going off in your personal life but sometimes its easier to get it out this way rather than burden close friends or family with it and talking does help, at times.

    I'm in the transition period, I'm not quite down there yet and I'm no longer here. All my anchor points and routines that defined my life have been broken. I've moved on my own and don't know anyone down there. I start at the new office on Thursday so I may see a few familiar faces.

    My dad just popped round this morning as I was sorting things out and my emotions overwhelmed me and I just cried, there was nothing he could do or say and I felt foolish, I'm a grown man. I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check, they just keep rushing up inside me and its hard as I'm not typically emotional. I don't hate the area I'm going to, my friends and family have all wished me the best and helped where they can. I been ploughing head down into this and not really contemplating that what if's. Now its here and its left me in a mess.
     
  2. fizl

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    Its always going to be hard moving to somewhere where you know nobody. All I can suggest is that it it gets better. Once you are over the initial move, have a look for the things that you like doing (gym, pub, playing footie or whatever) and make yourself go. It is very easy to sit at home watching the telly or playing a game when you can be taking the chance to meet people and make new friends.

    Shaz
     
  3. Arcam_boy

    Arcam_boy
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    I can speak with a little experience.

    I was born and lived in Lincoln all my life and have some very close friends in Lincoln.

    I really wanted to join the Police force and Lincolnshire had a four year recruitment freeze, which has been extended even further since. I applied for West Midlands Police and manage to secure myself a position. At the time it was around 80 people applying for every one position available.

    I then had to move and leave everything and everyone I knew to a place where I didn't know anyone, or any of the surroundings and start a new job.

    This was four years ago, I'm loving the job, have met some great people and made some great friends. I met a girl who was on my intake and now married to her :love: and we have a nice house together.

    At the time the move was a tough decision and I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. But on reflection its one of the best decision I've ever made and I still have my friends at home as well as the new ones I've now made here!

    Things will get easier mate.

    :thumbsup:
     
  4. blasted

    blasted
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    Thanks guys,

    I know the move is for the right reasons and that its not the end of the world and that further down the line new routines and interests will develop. I'm just in that stage where I'm nowhere and I'm on an emotional roller-coaster. I'm fine one minute and a wreck the next. I think a part of it may be that I'm used to being in control and now I'm not. Little things seem to catch me unaware and set me off. I feel stupid and worse for being like this.
     
  5. krish

    krish
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    It's new, it should be exciting! :thumbsup: I've been in exactly the same position on a few occasions and loved it.
    Carpe diem and all that :)

    You will very likely have this situation again in a few years and will look back at this time as nothing to have got too anxious about.
     
  6. eob

    eob
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    I threw a wobbler about 12 years ago. It happened exactly as you described more or less. I was about to move 35 miles away into my first house with my wife (girlfriend at the time).
    The thing that concerned me is what was happening to me, why could I not control these emotions.
    It only lasted a day and I have not had anything like it since.

    I think that we are in eccense creatures of habit and we fear change. :D

    As Krish says, its an exciting adventure and you will soon have new habits to comfort you.
    My family had disintegrated at the time so for me my biggest thing was not seeing my mates. Now I see them at least once a month (and work daily with one of them) and when I do venture down I look forward to it. They generally don't have much to catch up about (see statement about creatures of habit :rolleyes:) but its good crack.
    :smashin:
     
  7. MIghtyG

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    I can also speak somewhat from first hand experience...

    Grew up in Glasgow, lived there for 22 years, went to school there, went to uni there etc etc etc.

    Could I get a job there? could I ****!

    Ended up taking a job 150 miles away in Aberdeen. When I first moved I was in the same boat, little scared moving away from my safety net of friends and family. Plus I had always lived at home so never really had the experience of fending for myself at all never mind a three hour drive away from home.

    At first I didnt really do much, messed about on the net, played video games and watched TV/movies. Just didnt know what to do with myself or who to do it with! I would regularly make the trip back home to see my friends and family to have a nice out in town and so on.

    But now, almost 3 years later I cant see myself moving back to Glasgow anytime soon, just took a five year mortgage on my new house! My girlfriend has moved up with me, we have a nice home, I have made some new friends (although its a struggle since everyone I work with is about 10-15 years older than me!) I have picked up some new hobbies etc etc.

    And to be honest, I still make the odd trip home once every few months to see friends and family at the weekend but come Sunday I cant wait to get back up to Aberdeen, back to my own space where im making a life for myself rather than living in anyones pocket.

    Anyway, my advice would be. Take each day as it comes, think about whats coming up and what you have to look forward to rather than what you have left behind. Make new friends, pick up new hobbies and most of all remember:

    You havent fell off the face of the planet and neither have your friends, pick up the phone, chat on msn/skype/facebook if your feeling homesick. If the journey isnt too bad head home once a month, drag your friends up to see your new stomping ground. I've just had my brother and my best mate up for a three day bender!

    And, give it time. Moving away to find work felt like a knee jerk reaction at first, something I regretted doing after the first few months and I longed for a way out. Now its pretty much the best thing I have done, I've grown as a person much more than I would have at home and my career prospects are limitless here. Pretty sure I would still be stacking shelves and manning tills if I stayed in Glasgow! But now im flying about the globe selling and managing projects worth hundreds of thousands :)
     
  8. blasted

    blasted
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    Thanks for the support and sharing your own experiences, it does help.

    I'm only moving an hour and a quarter down the road but at the moment it feels like an ocean. I think the fact the I'm being pushed rather than going by my own personal choice hasn't helped. I might have to stay away from my old house for a few weeks and get my footing down there, try and build a bit of separation.

    The strange thing is that I joined up after leaving school and that was a real shock, the only benefit being that they kept you so busy you didn't have time to contemplate things and when I got posted, I was with a load of lads in the same boat, we all relied on each other. This time there is no support framework, I'm going to have to start from scratch.

    Time I'm sure will sort things out and I will just have to ride it out.

    Looking forward, not backwards as has already been said is what I'm going to focus on and what I have been doing, great advice. I've been doing it for so long that now I have stopped and looked around I've been overwhelmed, coupled with the stress, tiredness and job changes is a great recipe to take someone to the emotional edge.
     
  9. logiciel

    logiciel
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    I hope there's a lot in that "whatever".
     
  10. rousetafarian

    rousetafarian
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    BTW breaking down and crying in front of your Dad is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about IMO
     
  11. paulyoung666

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    man up and roll with it , i am certain many people would be happy of the challenge given the current job market situation ...................


    disclaimer ---- dont mean to come across as harsh , but sometimes you have just got to get on with it :smashin:
     
  12. Loftusrd1980

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    You do come across as harsh, needlessly so imo.

    To the op treat it as a new opportunity, reinvent yourself if you like or stay as you are and enjoy it. Start off positivly and things will work out
     
  13. shodan

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    What a fantastic opportunity you have! I'm VERY jealous! I love my home and missus and kids and I'd be lost without them, but your situation sounds awesome to me!

    I moved because of work about 12 years ago and it was at 2 hour journey home when I went back. Loved going to a new area and finding new places (pubs) and new people.
    I'm quite lucky in that I've lived a bit and experienced a lot and an quite at ease walking into a new pub on my own and chatting with people. When that happens, by the time I go there a second or third time, it's almost like I know some of the regulars.

    Don't worry about the emotional side of things, I'm sure that'll settle down but for now, just try to make the most of your situation.
     
  14. jenam93

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    Breaking down with your Dad was probably the best thing you could have done. Letting those emotions out rather than keeping them bottled up.

    Now get out there and enjoy yourself!

    Oh and don't forget to tell your Dad Thanks for being there :smashin:
     
  15. Ruperts slippers

    Ruperts slippers
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    What does man up mean? Gold medal for insensitivity is in the post...
     
  16. Courtjezter

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    I see and feel your pain.

    I grew up with a Dad who was in the Armed Forces, i rarely settled in the same place for any decent length of time as a younger. I went to something like 9 different schools across 3 countries and various parts of the UK all before the age of 12. Each time a move was difficult, but i then got used to it and i love moving about now. Each move is a chance to meet new people and experience new things an opportunities. The world is a lot smaller now than it was when i was younger with social media, mobile telephony and the internet all providing links back to family and friends who have been left behind.
    It is ok to feel sad for what you have percieved you have lost, but in the long run you are likely to gain a lot more.

    Good luck and enjoy the new opportunities.
     
  17. Iccz

    Iccz
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    Men have emotions too...

    I don't think it's the fact he's unhappy with the challenge, I think it's just the fact that different people deal with things in different ways. Getting emotional at times doesn't make anyone less of a man.
     
  18. paulyoung666

    paulyoung666
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    It means get on with it , like I said I don't mean to be harsh .....
     
  19. Loftusrd1980

    Loftusrd1980
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    Why bother responding then when the guy just needs a bit of an arm round the shoulder, forum wise anyway ;-)
     
  20. paulyoung666

    paulyoung666
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    Fair play , its just my take on things that's all , I do hope everything works out for him , at least he has had the balls to have a go , lots would have not even bothered .....
     
  21. nacmacfeegle

    nacmacfeegle
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    You are over thinking this and letting the negatives poison what should be a great opportunity, a new door opening if you like.
    http://www.avforums.com/forums/general-chat/1646196-its-getting-me-down.html#post17171572
    You've been letting the negatives fester away for too long now, and probably can't see an up side to this change in your life.
    Lets face it, it is a minor change and in a couple of months time you really will wonder why you let this situation drag you down.

    Debyshire can be great, get out on your bike, immerse yourself in your photography, join local groups that share your interests, and invite your existing friends to come up and help you explore your new surroundings. You might even find some new pursuits, eg Derbyshire has some great rock climbing (reason I've visited it before). Even if the social or activity side disappoints, get your head down and finish your chartership which will may up more doors for you maybe closer to home again.

    My job has sent me to far worse places such as Nigeria, Tunisia, Congo, Chad, Kazakhstan, Russia, Azerbaijan, as well as some more pleasant places, so trust me Derbyshire should hold no real terrors. TBH my job has also taken me to Milton Keynes as well, and I'd prefer Atyrau over MK anyday.

    Oddly enough, often the worst the geopolitical situation (eg having real live guns pointed at me by kids in Africa), the better times I've had. Probably the most lonely and depressed I've ever felt was in Hammerfest (North Norway) during midwinter, which was not uncivilised, just extremely short days, very little sun, and a very difficult project.

    You'll be fine, at least most of the locals will speak a similar langauge.:smashin:
     
  22. nacmacfeegle

    nacmacfeegle
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    Sometimes a bit of 'tough love' helps as much as anything else.....
     
  23. Duncan G

    Duncan G
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    Derbyshire? Weedon Bec is in Northamptonshire.

    Weedon Bec, Northamptonshire

    It's a village. But it's modern and up to date though. See the new milk float the village got;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete2011-bearnesedogs.jpg

    And there's lot's of quaint village customs to do, hit the children with a big hammer and make them fall down;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete2011-juso.jpg

    Rod Hull's brother lives there;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete2011-balloonart.jpg

    Phone signals are poor but they found a way to communicate with the next village;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete08-civilcannonaft.JPG

    In any village you will find signs of inbreeding as shown by the photo;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete2010-4-cropped.JPG

    The village winner of the Deep Throat contest with her trophy;

    http://www.weedonbec-pc.gov.uk/images/fete2011-openinglady.jpg
     
  24. nacmacfeegle

    nacmacfeegle
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    "Derbyshire? Weedon Bec is in Northamptonshire."

    hehe my bad :blush:
    I read " My job is moving to Milton Keynes from Derbyshire" and assumed that's where the OP would be staying.

    I've actually never heard of Weedon Bec before this post and anything south of of Glasgow is a bit of a mystery to me!

    Thanks for the links, looks like there is some fun to be had there and I may place it on my list of places to visit.:)
     
  25. Iccz

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    Most people just call it Weedon, but unless you're fairly local - chances are you wont have heard of it (for obvious reasons) :D
     
  26. nacmacfeegle

    nacmacfeegle
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    Understood Iccz, I live in a wee place called Auchenblae, probably not very well known outside my locale either.:smashin:

    I'll bet its about to be googled now though...:D
     
  27. Iccz

    Iccz
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    I eventually Googled it... spent the first 5 minutes sat here trying to pronounce it :laugh:
     
  28. nacmacfeegle

    nacmacfeegle
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    Make the noise as if you have a fur ball stuck in your throat and your almost there!:laugh:
     
  29. blasted

    blasted
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    Thanks for the comments. I now have a lot of my stuff unpacked and sky connected so its beginning to feel a bit more like a home. It may be better to stay away fom my old house for a while and try to immerse into the local area. Two weeks until I get internet though.

    To some it may not be a big thing, but to me it is. If anything I have learnt to empathise a little more with peoples problems even when i don't think they are a big deal.

    I started in the new office today and I feel like a kid starting a new school. Its helped that I've seen a few recognisable faces, but its still wierd.

    I'm sure things in the long run will settle down and i will get to enjoy it more. Its just that this has been 2 years in the running, the company are a shambles at organising so you never knew what was really happening. Coupled with that you have reoganisations and the possibility it could all go wrong six months down the line. I also have my other house to manage and i can't afford a mortgage and rent and the company has given me limited support. So all that combined with leaving friends, family and an area i really like probably pushed me over the edge. Im getting a wobble here and there but Im a bit more back in control.

    Thanks for the support. :thumbsup:
     
  30. Trollslayer

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    Pick a day with nice weather, go out somewhere and get lost so you end up talking to people to find out where you are.
    The shock of suddenly being disconnected doesn't hit you at first which can make it worse. Add the uncertainty when the company couldn't find their backside without a lamp, air sea rescue helicopter and a team of pit ponies it's no wonder it's hit you hard.
     

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