It's a smutty version of jingle bells, sung in a leering cockney accent. It features lyrics like "Jingle bells - Jingle all the way - oh what fun it is to ride - your bird on Christmas day". A "top DeeJay", or "presenter" as they like to call themselves, on our local radio station Cool FM plays it every year, but he never says what or who it is. I tried emailing him but with no reply. Not surprising because if this guy was a chocolate bar, he'd eat himself. The same goes for all his colleagues. I heard a couple of weeks ago that one of the other "presenters", a guy called Joe Ferguson, made it big and went to some Liverpool station or other. The rumour has it that he was deejaying in a local club and a young guy came up and asked him to play a song for him and his mates. Joe just said something like "I'll see what I can do" and basically ignored the fella. It was only when his mate asked him if he knew who it was that had just asked him for a tune that he realised it was Michael Owen. Prat!