serpico, first of all, you're not crazy
I can identify with you in a lot of ways. I too have a (lovely!) wife and two (great) kids who, to me, are "untidy" and your situation is very familiar. What's particularly interesting is that I too was from a very untidy house as a kid which caused some social issues (not bullying so much, just embarrassment) and I've often wondered that my adult "preference" for things to be tidy stems from those experiences. I'm don't have OCD (at least I don't think so) but as John Richardson said on the topic, "I just like things done right". We have a relatively small house and clutter soon becomes a practical hazard as well as an aesthetic problem!
First thing you need to do is explain this to your wife (if you haven't already) but without confrontation. Maybe go for a walk in the park or for a meal and if the kids are old enough (you don't say how old but I'm guessing younger rather than older), take them along too. Chat openly about how the mess makes you feel. Be prepared to admit that you're over-reacting (and apologise) - that's important too. You need to come to terms with that fact that kids come with mess - it's not mentioned in the new parenting brochures
- but once you've acknowledged that (and that itself can be hard!), you'll find the rest easier. The key thing here is that what seems to be a really big issue in your mind is really actually a much smaller one in the real world - you have to sort of recalibrate yourself and your emotional reaction. You don't say what your frustration is driven by - is it because its physically difficult for you to navigate the mess i.e. it blocks access around the house or whether you feel you can't invite people around in case they judge you on the condition of your house (or both!).
Next step is to come up with some practical things that you can all do to make things work better. For us, we identified the main mess "ingredients"; stuff like discarded shoes, clothes (dirty and clean!), toys, bags etc and we come up with places that these things could be quickly and easily tidied into - large plastic tubs are great for this but anything that you can throw things into, organised or not, and hide away from view. Identify areas of the house that you always want to keep relatively tidy - for example, the front door/entranceway, staircase, living room etc and clearly lay out places where things go (schoolbags, sports gear, books, toys etc) - this makes it much easier for everyone to understand what's needed and to easily keep on top of it.
Operate a reward structure for the kids to stick to being tidy - sweets, pocket money, whatever you think will motivate them. Set a time for a "family tidy" - for us, it's early Saturday morning - where everyone works together to get the clutter of the week cleared up, a quick spot of vacuuming and dusting, quick clean of the bathroom - literally half-an-hour of general tidying - and then off for a reward - breakfast, out of the house, for example. During the week, use the adverts between TV shows or other little breaks to just pick up the odd things lying around, take the bin out etc.
One particularly successful trick in our house is what I call the "one-up-one-down" rule which basically says that if you're going upstairs, you take at least one thing that needs to go upstairs with you and on the return journey, bring down something that needs be downstairs. It's surprisingly effective and easy to enforce (often with a bit of humour/banter!).
I can't honestly claim to have all the answers but as someone who's been(and probably still is) in your position, I can sympathise. I hope the things I've written help, even if it's just a bit of moral support. I wish you all the very best - do let us know how you get on.