1. Join Now

    AVForums.com uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Classic Fairy Tales and Nursery Rhymes... Or maybe not!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by PoochJD, Sep 21, 2005.

  1. PoochJD

    PoochJD
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2000
    Messages:
    10,992
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Location:
    Norwich
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    Hi,

    I'm sure many of you will have been told or will have read lots of nursery rhymes and fairytales when you were young. Things like "3 Billy Goats Gruff", "Hansel And Gretel", or "Humpty Dumpty" - that kind of thing.

    But now we're older, and hopefully wiser, don't many of these seem.... well, just a tad bizarre. Shouldn't some of them be renamed or modified to be more specific. There appears to be many occasions, when things don't go how they would do, in the real world. For example:

    The Three Little Pigs
    - So we all know this one. Seeing at it's now the 21st century, when the wolf huffs and puffs and threatens to blow the pigs' houses down, should he actually say: "If you don't come out, I will and I'll puff, and then probably walk away for a bit, until I stop having an asthma attack."

    Or what about:

    Little Red Riding Hood
    - When Little Red Riding Hood goes to visit her grandmother, and sees the wolf wearing her clothing, rather than what she does say (e.g. "Oooh, what big eyes you have..." etc, etc), why doesn't she ask "And how the **** did you break into my granny's house, without the aid of a professional. And come to think of it, what on god's earth possessed you to murder the old bint, and wear her clothes?" And more to the point, what kind of mother lets a six or seven year old take a food basket through a dark forest, unaccompanied? Doesn't Granny have Home Delivery from Tesco's?

    Anyone care to add any more?


    Pooch
     
  2. Mep

    Mep
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    9,579
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    106
    Location:
    Surrey
    Ratings:
    +474
    I never thought that it was very fair to pick on 3 visually challenged mice by cutting off their tails with a carving knive! surely they had enough problems already!

    and don't even start me on little boy blue blowing his horn!!! what is he a contortionist?
     
  3. huwg

    huwg
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2003
    Messages:
    1,850
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +121
    This comment is not original.....

    humpty dumpty sat on a wall...
    .
    .
    all the kings horses and all the kings men
    couldn't put humpty together again.

    They should not have let the horses have first go at fixing an egg !!
     
  4. Dr Diversity

    Dr Diversity
    Guest

    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    And where does it say that Humpty was an egg, credit to Ricky for pointing that out to me :)
     
  5. Mep

    Mep
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 25, 2004
    Messages:
    9,579
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    106
    Location:
    Surrey
    Ratings:
    +474
    Humpty Dumpty was in fact a large canon! It was used during the English Civil War ( 1642 - 1649) in the Siege of Colchester (13 Jun 1648 - 27 Aug 1648). Colchester was strongly fortified by the Royalists and was laid to siege by the Parliamentarians (Roundheads). In 1648 the town of Colchester was a walled town with a castle and several churches and was protected by the city wall. Standing immediately adjacent the city wall, was St Mary's Church. A huge canon, colloquially called Humpty Dumpty, was strategically placed on the wall next to St Mary's Church.

    source: http://www.rhymes.org.uk/humpty_dumpty.htm

    But I don't expect horses would be very good at heavy artillery repairs either
     
  6. Solomon Grundy

    Solomon Grundy
    Distinguished Member

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2004
    Messages:
    13,046
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    166
    Location:
    oop north.
    Ratings:
    +2,590
    The Grand Old Duke of York
    He had a private helecopter
    He flew it up to the top of the hill
    And he watched the golf again...
     
  7. Garrett

    Garrett
    Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 21, 2001
    Messages:
    33,632
    Products Owned:
    2
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    167
    Location:
    The best thief you’ll never see.
    Ratings:
    +4,484
    Some more reasons for the nursery rhymes here.
     
  8. huwg

    huwg
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2003
    Messages:
    1,850
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +121
    I really like the dark side of the fairy tales, they usually get toned down in varying amounts depending on what book you read.

    My favourite was 'The wolf and the seven little kids' - it goes something like this..
    the wolf tries to disguise himself as the mother goat (who goes out each day) by eating a lump of chalk to soften his voice, covers his paw in flour so it looks white when he holds it up to to the window of the house where the kids live (of course all goats live in houses).
    He eventually gets in, and eats the kids whole. :devil: :eek: :thumbsdow

    The mother goat comes home to find the house trashed and the kids nowhere. She finds the wolf in a field near the house, fast asleep and can hear the cries of her kids still alive inside the wolf. So in good old fashion, she slices open his belly and out jump the kids. She puts 7 large stones inside the wolf in their place, and sews him back up again.

    The wolf wakes up, feels thirsty, leans into a well for a drink, falls in and drowns. :clap: :smashin:

    Would like to see Quentin direct that one!
     
  9. shahedz

    shahedz
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2005
    Messages:
    10,326
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Ratings:
    +1,238
    god that one brings back memories! more to the point , wouldnt you have sliced the wolfs throat for eating all of your children? and also they were alive in his stomach? with teeth that big you would have thought he would have chewed before swallowing
     
  10. Dr Diversity

    Dr Diversity
    Guest

    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Ratings:
    +0
    In Snow White (or was it sleeping beauty) the wicked queen was made to dance at the end of the story. Sounds OK except the shoes had sharp insides and she bled to death from the wounds :(
     
  11. PoochJD

    PoochJD
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2000
    Messages:
    10,992
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Location:
    Norwich
    Ratings:
    +1,863
    Hi,

    Original version:
    Oh dear what can the matter be?
    Dear dear what can the matter be?
    Oh dear what can the matter be?
    Johnny's so long at the fair.

    Alternative Version:
    Oh dear what can the matter be?
    Someone has gone to the lavat'ry
    They've covered the seat in their poo and pee,
    Now who the hell's cleaning this mess?! :D

    Alternative Version - Number 2
    Oh dear what can the matter be?
    We think the teacher's got dysent'ry
    He keeps running back to the lavatr'y
    Just no one knows quite for how long.


    Pooch
     
  12. MrBlofeldt

    MrBlofeldt
    Banned

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,068
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +106
    I've been lied to, all these years I thought Humpty Dumpty was really an eggy person....
     
  13. MrBlofeldt

    MrBlofeldt
    Banned

    Joined:
    Sep 29, 2004
    Messages:
    1,068
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Ratings:
    +106
    Hansel and Gretel...

    Instead of getting pushed in the fire...

    Hansel and Gretel turn up dressed in Burberry, and wind up with ASBO's for vandalising an old womans house !

    alternatively she gets a visit from social services and winds up in court for Child abuse !
     
  14. PaulaB

    PaulaB
    Standard Member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2002
    Messages:
    242
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    21
    Location:
    Northamptonshire
    Ratings:
    +1
    What about the Goose girl when the offending servant was put in a barrel and rolled down the hill. It doesn't sound to bad until you know it was lined with spikes.
     

Share This Page

Loading...