Class lyrics / Appalling lyrics



Just heard a tune with the best title/lyrics of the year so far...

'It's Just Porn Mom' by Trucks.

Worst lyrics of the year so far go to Scooter's 'Nessaja' which actually contains the lines:

"Its not a bird, its not a plane,
it must be Dave who's on the train"

Anyone beat that for terrible rhyming couplets?
Efficiency and progress is ours once more
Now that we have the Neutron Bomb
It's nice and quick and clean and gets things done
Away with excess enemy
With no less value to property
No sense in war but perfect sense at home...

The sun beams down on a brand new day
No more welfare tax to pay
Unsightly slums gone up in flashing light
Jobless millions whisked away
At last we have more room to play
All systems go to kill the poor tonight

Kill Kill Kill Kill
Kill the poor...Tonight

Behold the sparkle of champagne
The crime rates gone, feel free again
O life's a dream with you, Miss Lily White
Jane Fonda on the screen today
Convinced the liberals it's okay
So let's get dressed and dance away the night

While they...
Kill Kill Kill Kill
Kill the poor...Tonight

( Kill The Poor...........Dead Kennedys )


Standard Member
U2 - Elevation

Well, Bono really for..

" a mole, digging in a hole." !!!!!!! :( :eek:

C'mon? And this from the guy who came out with something like One off the top of his head in '91-92 in Berlin jamming in a room with the rest of the band!
Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin' right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

L.A. told me, " You'll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty, that just ain't me

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe somethin'
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me

I wanna be somebody else.

( Don't Let Me Get Me...........Pink )


I'm ever upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
The social pages say I've got
The biggest balls of all

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
And they're such big balls
Dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest balls of them all

And my balls are always bouncing
My ballroom always full
And everybody comes and comes again
If your name is on the guest list
No one can take you higher
Everybody says I've got
Great balls of fire


Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night


And I'm just itching to tell you about them
Oh we had such wonderful fun
Seafood cocktail, crabs, crayfish...

Bon Scott


Established Member
Spinal Tap for quality lyrics such as

'My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo,
I like to sink her with my pink Torpedo....
Big bottom.... big bottom,
Talk about mudflaps - my girls got 'em.....

and from the classic 'Sex Farm' -

Working on a sex farm,
Ploughing through your beanfield,
Getting out my pitchfork,
Poking your hay....

Have got the original soundtrack (Smell the Glove), plus the wonderful follow up, 'Break like the Wind'. Both are jam-packed with hysterical lyrics....

david plunkett

Standard Member
How about...

I would hate to see a ghost
Its the sight that i fear worst
rather sit and eat some toast
watching the evening news

Desree - life
Outside another yellow moon
Punched a hole in the night time, yes
I climbed through the window and down the street
Shining like a new dime
The downtown trains are full
With all those Brooklyn girls
They try so hard to break out of their little worlds

You wave your hand and they scatter like crows
They have nothing that will ever capture your heart
They're just thorns without the rose
Be careful of them in the dark
Oh if I was the one
You chose to be your only one
Oh baby can't you hear me now

Will I see you tonight
On a downtown train
Every night it's just the same
You leave me lonely , now

I know your window and I know it's late
I know your stairs and your doorway
I walk down your street and past your gate
I stand by the light at the four way
You watch them as they fall
They all have heart attacks
They stay at the carnival
But they'll never win you back

Will I see you tonight
On a downtown train
All of my dreams just fall like rain
All upon a downtown train

( Downtown Train..........Tom Waits )


seven a.m.,
the garbage truck beeps as it backs up
and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse signifying the end but I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?

Forgive my indecision

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

eleven a.m.,
by now you would think that I would be up
but my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made.
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
'cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in
that old fear.

Forgive my indecision... I am only a man

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side.
But then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Twelve pm and my dusty telephone rings.
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope it's you.

Incubus, 11a.m.
I'll tell you a story, believe me, it's true
A tale you'd best hope never happens to you
Old Spicy McHaggis, how he met his fate
You I can save, but for him it's too late

Spicy was big, burly, and strong
His pipes were gigantic, and so was his schlong
From city to city, running around
Looking for chicks over four hundred pounds

One night at the pub, a girl caught his eye
Big as a house, just the right size
The broad was enormous, stacked to the hilt
Spicy soon noticed a bulge in his kilt
The piper delivered his best pick-up line
Thought to himself, " This beast is all mine "
The portly young lady could stand for no more
Grabbed his cahones and went for the door

They got to her house and dimmed all the lights
Spicy was in for one hell of a night
He said that he loved her, he'd always be true
" But Mr McHaggis, I've only just met you ! "

By now he saw double through his drunken eyes
Neither had looks or appropriate size
He came to his senses, thought to himself
" At this time of night I won't find nothing else "
He took off his shirt, she lifted her skirt
They pulled out his unit and started to play
She asked for a glove, he gave her a shove
Had baby McHaggis nine months to-the-day.

Three packs a day, he'll smoke 'till he dies
Spicy McHaggis, One Hell Of A Guy !!

( The Spicy McHaggis Jig.................Dropkick Murphys )
Muscle baby won't let go
Week-end baby won't say no
Is she an active beauty ?
I should say so

Wooden bones and pretty lashes
Iodine for your baby's gashes
Little tombs for your baby's ashes
If something goes wrong

Tiny steps almost real
Tiny fingers you almost feel
Make her walk or make her kneel
Oh, she's almost human beneath that cuban heel

Who's that down at the bottom of the garden ?
Who's that hiding underneath the sofa ?
Who gets blamed whenever you're in trouble
She's your friend and she's your double

Pretty little fashion face
Pick anyone up off the shelf
Though you say it's a disgrace
You know you owe it to yourself

You can even shop around
Though you won't find any cheaper
She's your baby now
You can keep her...

( Tiny Steps...............Elvis Costello )


Standard Member
Worst Lyrics have to be Feeder, Buck Rodgers:

He's got a brand new car
Looks like a jaguar
It's got leather seats
It's got a CD player

But I don't wanna talk about it anymore

I think we're gonna make it
I think we're gonna save it
So don't you try and fake it
Anymore, anymore

We'll start over again
Grow ourselves new skin
Get a house in Devon
Drink cider from a Lemon


Here's the full lyrics to that Scooter nonsense:

Free I am!
The painted cow!
You aint stoppin' us now!

Wonderful human beings

Yeah !
I am the junglist soldier.
Come On!
The rocket launcher stops ya.
It's not a bird, it's not a plane
It must be Dave who`s on the train
Wanna wanna get's ya, gonna gonna get's ya
Tell em that I told ya

Are you ready? It's not a game
I chat so much, I turn you insane
Wanna wanna get`s ya, gonna gonna get`s ya
Messing up the area

Come On !
I am the fresh man
Messing up the jam!
Turning on the stereo
Join the caravan

Skippy, the rainbow cow!

(I removed the pitched up woman's vocal... which actually has OK lyrics!)

What the hell does 'Skippy, the rainbow cow' mean?

Maybe they wrote their lyrics in their native language and used Babel Fish for the English version :)



With karate I'll kick your ass
Here to Tiennamen Square.
Oh yeah, mutha****a,
I'm 'onna kick your ****in' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You mutha****a.
You mutha****a.

Kyle betrayed me
And then he lied tried to hide
And I died deep inside
And you know the reason why.

I'm 'onna kick your ass
From here to right over there.
Oh yeah mutha****a,
I'm 'onna kick your ****in' derriere.
You broke the rules,
Now I'll pull out all your pubic hair,
You mutha****a.
You mutha****a.

Karate- Tenacious D
Oh my name it is nothin'
My age it means less
The country I come from
Is called the Mid-West
I's taught and brought up there
The laws to abide
And that land that I live in
Has God on it's side

Oh the history books tell it
They tell it so well
The cavalries charged
The Indians fell
The cavalries charged
The Indians died
Oh the country was young
With God on it's side

Oh the Spanish-American
War had it's day
And the Civil War too
Was soon laid away
And the names of the heroes
I's made to memorize
With Guns in their hands
And God on their side

Oh the First World War, boys
It closed out it's fate
The reason for fighting
I never got straight
But I learned to accept it
Accept it with pride
For you don't count the dead
When God's on your side

When the Second World War
Came to an end
We forgave the Germans
And we were friends
Though they murdered six million
In the ovens they fried
The Germans now too
Have God on their side

I've learned to hate Russians
All through my whole life
If another war starts
It's them we must fight
To hate them and fear them
To run and to hide
And accept it all bravely
With God on my side

But now we got weapons
Of the chemical dust
If fire them we're forced to
Then fire them we must
One push of the button
And a shot the world wide
And you never ask questions
When God's on your side

In a many dark hour
I've been thinkin' about this
That Jesus Christ
Was betrayed by a kiss
But I can't think for you
You'll have to decide
Whether Judas Iscariot
Had God on his side

So now as I'm leavin'
I'm weary as Hell
The confusion I'm feelin'
Ain't no tongue can tell
The words fill my head
And fall to the floor
If God's on our side
He'll stop the next war.

( With God On Our Side..........Bob Dylan )


Established Member
MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down...
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
When I was seventeen, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for small town girls and soft summer nights
We'd hide from the light on the village green when I was seventeen.

When I was twenty-one, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for city girls who lived up the stairs
With perfume hair that came undone
When I was twenty-one.

When I was thirty-five, it was a very good year
It was a very good year for blue blooded girls of independent means
We'd ride in limousines
Their chauffeurs would drive when I was thirty-five.

But now the days are short, I'm in the autumn of the year
And now I think of my life as vintage wine from fine old kegs
From the brim to the dregs.

It poured sweet and clear.

It was a very good year

( It Was A Very Good Year.............Frank Sinatra )


Established Member
Madness also made the tragic mistake of rhyming Jaguar with car:
I like driving in my car
Even with a flat ty-ar
I like driving in my car
It's not quite a Jag-u-ar

Who was the ****** who made that Godawful song - French I think - might have been called 'Where do you go to' or 'Inside your head'. Un-be-lieeee-vably bad lyrics. Please don't quote them.

There's not enough people talking about class:
Aimee Mann - Save Me
...Save me
From the ranks of the freaks
Who suspect they could never love anyone
(Mind you, it has got the 'radium' line in it: You struck me dumb, like ra-di-um. Euch!)
That night her kiss told me it was over
I walked out late into the dark
The misty gloom seems to soak up my sorrow
The further I went on I felt a spreading calm
Then suddenly my eyes were bathed in a light
And the lovely lady in white was by my side
She said " Like me I see you're walking alone
Won't you please stay? " I couldn't look away

She said I love the night
The day is OK and the sun can be fun
But I live to see those rays slip away
I love the night
There's so much I can show and give to you
If you will welcome me tonight
If only you had been there my dear
We could have shared this together

No mortal was meant to see such wonder
One look in the mirror told me so
Come darkness I'll see her again
Yes I'm gonna go 'cause now I know

She said I love the night
The day is OK and the sun can be fun
But I live to see those rays slip away
I love the night

There's so much that I can show and give to you
If you will welcome me tonight
If only you had been there my dear
We could have shared this together

( I Love The Night.............Blue Oyster Cult )

Dedicated to SMG and JM.


Senior Moderator
How about Ivor Biggun's 1978 classic ''winkers song''? Could be a spelling mistake there folks. :D I won't take this oppertunity to spell out the lyrics :blush: :D


Established Member
Best lyrics ever written????

Dead Kennedys - A Tribute To Jimi Hendrix

Goes Somethin' like this:

"You're Dead!"

3 seconds of pure brilliance:eek:


Was it not the mighty S.O.D. that did 'The Ballad of Jimi Hendrix'?
I think they also did The Ballad of Jim Morrison and The Ballad of Freddie Mecury at various live shows.


Prominent Member
Peter and the test tube babies

"Elvis is Dead"

With the lines:

Elvis had a heart attack
Cos he was to ******* fat

Quality :)

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