Welcome, One And All,
What's big, very long, and ready to be pulled out of your Christmas stocking early? Yes, it's my jumbo Christmas 2006/New Year 2007 TV Update!
I have to confess that this year's TV offerings aren't great…. but, there are some gems hidden amongst the dross, especially for those of you with access to digital TV, via Sky, Cable or Freeview! Worthy shows include an all-new, never-before-seen episode of “Due South”; a behind-the-scenes look at the hit US drama show “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation”!
As always, the following list is designed to help you decide what to watch and what to avoid! The usual system applies: any new shows starting (or repeats that are worth catching) will be labelled as “NEW”, and films will be labelled as “FILM" accordingly. Wherever possible, I will mention if a show, or movie is due to be repeated at a later time, but because of the sheer amount of scheduling I've had to go through for this update for you all, I may not always be able to do this. In fact, I may miss all repeats of some shows/films, purely down to being blind-as-a-bat, but don't be too hard on me, okay?
All programmes and films are airing in Widescreen, unless otherwise noted.
Just one final thing: thank you to everyone who keeps returning each fortnight (or so), to see and read my TV Updates, and for all of the feedback and comments I get too. They are genuinely appreciated! All that's left for me to say now, is to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and an extraordinarily Happy New Year! I'll do my best to pop into the AVForums over the Christmas/New Year fortnight, but feel free to leave any comments or messages, for when I next visit you all!
Anyway, without further ado, let's get on with business! Enjoy!
WEEK ONE
Saturday 23rd December 2006
Robin Of Sherwood Day – 6:00am-7:00pm
Random episodes from all three series of the much-loved, definitive adaptation of the Robin Hood myth. Beats the pants out of the current BBC adaption. Dark and gritty. Recommended. (ITV3)
Angel – 11:00am-3:50pm
From Season 1, the very first five episodes, with minor edits for adult content. Worth watching, if you fancy a very, very dark supernatural drama show! The remainder of Season 1 continues throughout the rest of this week, from 11:00am each day, followed by Seasons 2 and 3 as well. The final two seasons will be shown from later on in January 2007. (Sci-Fi)
FILM: The Nightmare Before Christmas (PG) – 4:45-5:55pm
Superbly dark animated extravaganza, written by Tim Burton, about Jack Skellington, who is rather fed-up with being the King of Hallowe'entown, and craves a new adventure. So, he kidnaps Santa Clause, and takes it upon himself to be the King of Christmastown instead! Beautiful music from Burton musician-extraordinaire Danny Elfman and incredible stop-motion animation, make this one of the most timeless films of recent years. May be too frightening for younger children, but for older kids and adults, this is a great way to start the festive fortnight. Contains some mild violence, and macabre overtones. Recommended! Showing uncut! (BBC2)
FILM: Sword Of Xanten (12) – 6:00-8:00pm
Lengthy, but intriguing sword-and-sorcery drama mini-series starring Kristanna Loken (Terminator III) and Alicia Roann Witt, based on the Wagner “Ring Cycle” opera quartet! When a baby is abandoned, it is brought-up by an elderly blacksmith, away from the local village, As the baby grows-up, he has his eye on a princess, but when he comes-of-age, he is forced to prove his worth, by fighting for a noble cause. But unbeknownst to him, he has another lady who is keen on him, and is willing to do anything to rid herself of the opponent. Originally premiered on Channel 4 last year, this is the full-length, uncut version, that's also available on DVD. Episode 2 airs tomorrow evening at the same time. Stick with it, and you will be justly rewarded. An epic, visionary fantasy story. Contains some strong imagery, brief nudity, and dark themes. Recommended! (E4)
M.R. James' “Number 13” – 9:30-10:10pm
One-off adaption of the acclaimed ghost story. Also repeated later tonight at 12:10am. (BBC4)
FILM: The Omen (18) / Damien – Omen II (18) – 10:00pm-2:20am
Want a gothic horror double-bill, to chill your bones? You can do a lot worse, than these two classics, starring Gregory Peck. When a US Ambassador's wife adopts s child, little do they know what they have got in store. Cue lots of eerie and unnerving events, including some very famous “deaths”. Despite their ages, both films still stand-up as well thirty years on. Some gore, occasional bad language, and one of the creepiest musical scores every heard in cinema, these are horror films that will thrill and chill you! Highly Recommended! Showing in 4:3 (instead of the correct 2.35:1 widescreen). (Sci-Fi Channel)
FILM: Jaws (12) – 11:45pm-2:00am
The 1970's monster movie classic from Steven Spielberg. Need I say more?! Sadly, it may be edited by ITV's cretinous censors!
(ITV1)
FILM: Richard Pryor Double-Bill (18) – 12:05-3:25am
Starting with the 1982 “Live At The Sunset Strip” concert film, and followed at 1:40am with the “Here And Now” movie from 1983. Worth a watch at least once, but Pryor is an acquired taste, and his relentless profanity may not suit many. Showing uncut. (FX)
NEW: Prison Break – 12:20-1:25am
Five treats its viewers well, with a complete and uncut repeat run of all of Season 1, of the jaw-droppingly audacious prison-escape drama, starring Wentworth Miller. If you've only heard about this, and can't afford the DVD boxed set, here's your chance to catch-up on one of the best shows from 2006! Episodes will air most days, late in the evenings, sometimes in double-bills over the next two weeks! Highly Recommended! (Five)
Sunday 24th
The Story Of The Fairytale Of New York – 8:00-9:00pm
Documentary about the famous Christmas theme from the Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, which is now considered to be one of the finest modern Christmas songs ever recorded. See how the song came into existence, and hear what Kirsty MacColl and Shane McGowan think of their work, when it was first released nearly 10 years ago now. The documentary also looks at the impact that the tragic death of MacColl had on the band and the song. (BBC3)
Mock The Week: Unseen and Uncut – 10:15-10:45pm
Special edition of the adult comedy news quiz, with host Dara O'Briain looking through past series highlights, including footage never seen before, and material cut from broadcasts due to their provocative nature. Contains some strong language. Repeated on Friday 29th at 10:45pm. (BBC2)
Grumpy Old Men At Christmas – 10:45-11:45pm
If you're over 40, you may now see yourself as a bit of a grumpy. See what some other Grumpies feel, about the festive season, including Rick Stein, Rick Wakeman, Arthur Smith, and Will Self amongst others. Contains strong language. “Grumpy Old Women At Christmas” can be seen on Boxing Day at 10;30pm. (BBC2)
NEW: The Minor Accomplishments Of Jackie Woodman – 11:00-11:30pm
Episode 2 of this new US black comedy show, about two single women trying to make their way in Hollywood. Whilst carving their niche, their also carving their way through several men's bedrooms as well. Laura Kightlinger stars. Contains adult material. (ITV4)
FILM: Grizzly Man (15) – 11:00pm-1:00am
Werner Herzog's acclaimed documentary about a man called Timothy Treadwell, who lived with grizzly bears, until one of them turned against him and killed him and his girlfriend. Contains some mature scenes of nature. (Discovery Channel)
NEW: Hopeless Pictures – 11:30pm-Midnight
Episode 2 of the animated adult sitcom starring the voices of Micheal McKean, Jennifer Coolidge and Lisa Kudrow, set in and around the fictional movie studio company “Hopeless Pictures”. (ITV4)
Lead Balloon – 12:10-12:40am
Repeat run of the vicious comedy series from Jack Dee. Dee plays Rick Spleen, a has-been comedian, struggling to get through life. Very funny, and very acerbic, and for once – without a canned laughter track. Watch all six episodes over the next fortnight, on BBC4. Check press for details of days and times, and for repeat showing details. Some occasional strong language. (BBC4)
NEW: Bad Girls – 12:40-1:45am
ITV has decided to can this popular prison drama, but not without one final episode. From early reports, this is as far-fetched as it can be, so don't expect too much. Previously shown on ITV1. (ITV2)
Monday 25th
The Alternative Christmas Message – 3:00-3:10pm
Controversy surrounds this year's selection, as the person undertaking the alternative message, is a British-born Muslim woman known only as Khadija, who will be discussing the problems and issues surrounding Muslim women wearing the Niqab, or full-faced veil. ** Dangerous joke alert - Not sure if this will look better in widescreen or not, as you won't be able to see much of her anyway! End of dangerous joke alert! ** (Channel 4)
NEW: The Hogfather – 6:00-8:00pm
Episode one of a two-part comedy/drama from the author Terry Pratchett, about a Santa-esque character called the Hogfather who is kidnapped, only to have Death takes his place. Typically strange, but wonderful Pratchett drama, that should go down well with fans and non-fans of his work. Sir David Jason stars. Part 2 is shown on Boxing Day at the same time. (Sky 1)
NEW: The Vicar Of Dibley – 9:30-10:30pm
I have a soft spot for this show, and quite like it's mix of silly, juvenile humour and take on women vicars. After last year's special New Year's Day episode caused complaints, the creators of the show have received a post-watershed time-slot for their final ever story. Geraldine has some big news for the locals in Dibley, but not everyone is keen to hear what she has to say. Meanwhile, Alice has solved the riddle of the Da Vinci Code, and discovers she may in fact be the living descendant of Jesus. This is the first in a two-part story, that concludes on New Year's Day at 9:30pm. May contain some brief swearing and adult humour. (BBC1)
NEW: Little Britain Abroad – 10:30-11:00pm
Another Christmas special, split into two parts, as Matt Lucas and David Walliams take their hideous creatons around the US and Europe, to see what kind of reaction their characters receive. Part 2 airs on Saturday 30th at 9:15pm, or you can watch both parts back-to-back on New Year's Eve at 10:30pm instead. Contains some strong language and sexual material. (BBC1)
Tuesday 26th
Third Watch – 3:00-4:00pm
The very first episode, of this superb, and much mistreated US drama, following the personal and professional lives of a team of police, fire and paramedic officers from New York. This is how you get viewers into a new-series: start with one of the best dance tracks ever written, showcase a superbly comedic car chase, and create some of the most amazing characters, and do it all within the first few minutes! A shame then, that Channel 4 have now failed to show terrestrial viewers the final Season from 2005. Thank God, for FX who will be airing uncut versions of Seasons 4, 5 and 6 from sometime in January!
This episode is also repeated tomorrow morning at 10:00am. (FX)
FILM: ET – The Extra-Terrestrial – 4:10-6:15pm
Much-loved adventure film about the alien who gets lost, and is required to find his way home again. This is the 2004 updated version, with walkie-talkies replacing guns, and some improved CGI effects. However, it's also being shown cut by ITV. Says it all, really!
(ITV1)
FILM: Pirates Of The Caribbean (12) – 7:30-9:45pm
Fantasy adventure set amongst the swashbuckling world of pirates and skulduggery, with Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, Geoffrey Rush and Jonathan Pryce, when a governor's daughter is kidnapped by pirates, a blacksmith and former ship's captain have to set-off to rescue her, not entirely aware of just what they are getting themselves into. Contains some violence, and scary scenes that may make it unsuitable for under-12's. Showing in 1.85:1 rather than 2.35:1, but it is airing uncut!
(BBC1)
Wednesday 27th
The Most Annoying People At Christmas – 9:00-10:30pm
First of three “specials” counting down the most irritating, downright mind-bogglingly stupid and infamous brainless halfwits of the year. Expect “Butt Munch” contestants, several former “celebs” and John Prescott to be somewhere in the Top 10!
Part 2 can be seen tomorrow at 9pm, and then the conclusion on New Year's Eve at 9pm. (BBC3)
NEW: Son Of The Dragon – 9:00-11:00pm
First half of a two-part TV mini-series, shown earlier this year in the USA. As a thief plots to steal some Royal Crown Jewels, he finds his masterplan interrupted by the mysterious Prince Of The North, who has other ideas, including kidnapping Shanghai's newest princess. Mystical fantasy adventure: part “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”, and part “Kung Fu”. Concludes tomorrow night at the same time. (Sky 1)
Grumpy Old Women At Christmas – 10:50-11:20pm
See details on 24th December under “Grumpy Old Men At Christmas”. (BBC2)
The Art And Crimes Of Ron English – Midnight-1:15am
Enjoyable documentary about Canadian artist and advertising hijacker, Ron English, who consistently breaks the law in the US and Canada, as he hijacks big-name corporations advertising bill-boards, and substitutes it with something far more provocative and witty. The documentary interviews English and examines why he does what he does, the response from the public, and the less than favourable reputation he has with the local police and the advertising companies, who are sick of seeing their multi-million dollar adverts being bastardised by someone whom they see as nothing more than a common criminal! Is advertising as insidious and powerful as it appears, or have we become immune to tactics of the conglomerate companies like Nike, McDonalds and others, as they take ever more pressurised intrusions into our lifestyles, in the desperate hope of selling their products to us? Very funny, and very thought-provoking. Contains strong language, and some adult imagery. Highly Recommended! (Artsworld)
FILM: Masque Of The Red Death (15) – 1:00-2:30am
Famously creepy and understated gothic horror movie, based on Edgar Allan Poe's novella of the same name. Vincent Price plays a devil-worshipper who is desperate to keep the Plague from entering his local town, in 12th Century Italy. Roger Corman directs this classy fim, that is apt for everyone who loathes the festive season, seeing as it's a study in demonology! :evil: Contains some scenes of violence and gore. Showing uncut. (BBC1)
FILM: Cul-De-Sac (15) – 1:45-4:00am
Donald Pleasance stars in the classic comedy thriller from director Roman Polanski. In French and English, with English Subtitles. (ITV4)
Thursday 28th
Planet Earth Day – 9:00am-1:30am
Back-to-back showing of all the episodes that featured in the BBC1 recent natural history documentary hit series, showing throughout the day. (UKTV Documentary)
FILM: Greed (12) – 7:00-10:00pm
Epic black-and-white classic movie, from the father of cinema Erich Von Stroheim. In 1924, Stroheim created one of the first true “epic” movies, spanning some 8-hours. However, after reducing the film by half, and then refusing to cut anything further, the film negative was taken away by the production company, and mutilated into a measly 130-minute “edit”! Originally divided into four acts, the film follows a jealous man who is put into a corner, after his best friend marries the woman that both have had their eyes on. A deeply flawed movie, which has lost much of its original majesty (and of which no negatives or print now exist). What is left, however, is still interesting if at times weird movie-making. Showing in the original 4:3 aspect ratio. (TCM2 – for one night only!)
NEW: Dracula – 9:00-10:30pm
All-new, eroticised adaptation of the quintessential vampire story from Bram Stoker, and starring Marc Warren and Sophia Myles, as the titular vampire and his love-interest Lucy. Contains adult material, and some brief gore and violence. Very similar in style to the early-90's BBC2 mini-series “Dracula: The Opera”. Should be interesting to see how this version lays out the tale for a modern-audience. (BBC1)
It Started With “Swap Shop” – 9:00-11:10pm
Documentary about the classic Saturday morning TV series, and a trip down memory lane for any child who grew up in the mid-1970's to early-1980's, as celebrities old and new, talk about Saturday morning TV on both the BBC and ITV channels. From Tiswas, No 73, Multi-Coloured Swap Shop, Saturday Superstore, through to Going Live and many more, presenters and guests discuss the impact these shows had on the children and parents of a bygone era! Contains some swearing, hence the post-watershed timeslot. An edited, child-friendly version (minus 20-minutes footage) airs on New Year's Eve at 6:10pm. (BBC2)
Is Benny Hill Still Funny? – 9:00-10:00pm
One-off documentary examining the 1970's TV funny man, who was famous for his outrageously saucy (and deliriously sexist) comedy skits, involving lots of scantily clad women being chased, to that music theme! Was he genuinely funny, or just a sad old man, dying a death as TV tried to become more politically correct? And what do women of the time, and women today think of him? A comedy relic, or a dirty old man? Contains innuendo-laden material that may be unsuitable for younger audiences. (Channel 4)
Best Ever Muppet Moments – 11:30pm-12:35am
Stupid scheduling for what is a brilliant family documentary, showcasing the best and most memorable moments from the original long-running Lew Grade production “The Muppet Show” series! Interviewees include John Cleese, Mark Hamill, and lots of others, as they discuss how they became part of show like no other. Also under discussion, is the perennial love-hate relationship that Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy endured throughout the show's lengthy history. Recommended for young and old alike, especially if you fancy seeing Statler and Waldorf (the two curmudgeonly old men who always watched from their special balcony seats) trash everything and everyone – past and present! (ITV1)
FILM: Julie And Celine Go Boating (15) – 12:15-3:40am
Rare outing for this surreal, but oddly compelling supernatural French period drama. At over 3 hours in length, this is heavy-going material, but for lovers of historical drama, and European Cinema in general, then this will pay dividends to those of you willing to let its gentleness lull you into a false sense of security, before it delivers its chilling coup d'etat at the end! Based on two Henry James chillers, director Jacques Rivette (who also created the artistic, meditative masterpiece “La Belle Noiseuse”, at 4 hours in length) invites you into a world where not everything is quite what you think. A female magician, Juliet Berto, takes a shy librarian, Dominique Labourier on a series of travels around a quaint old house. But their adventure is short-lived, when the house reveals a darker side, that neither women ever expected to be a witness too. This is an ice-cold French chiller, in the vein of “Ringu” and “The Amityville Horror, but without the gore or special effects. However, for a film made back in 1974, this is still an unbeatable and very chic movie! Highly Recommended, for arthouse movie buffs. Contains some occasional uses of strong language, and some creepy scenes of mild violence. (Film4)
Friday 29th
FILM: Two Brothers (PG) – 3:20-5:00pm
Based on a true-life story, this acclaimed travel drama, stars Guy Pierce, as a notorious game-hunter who kills the mother of two lion-cubs, on a holiday in French Indochina. The cubs are left to fend for themselves, but are soon split-up, with one going to a travelling circus, whilst the second cub becomes a government pet! Oddly affecting drama, from Disney no less, with some overly-sentimental sequences. However, you'll only be watching this for the animals, who easily out-act all the human cast members at every turn! Not a great film, but the animal scenes are brilliant. Very brief use of mild violence that may distress very young children, but other than that, family-friendly. Showing uncut. (BBC1)
FILM: Thunderpants (PG) – 3:30-5:00pm
If you thought that Britain could never make a film so utterly devoid of any redeeming factor at all, then you've never seen this title. A film, with a title so hysterically dire, that it's 100% spot-on as to the absolutely shoddiness of the actual movie! When a boy is born with two stomachs, they cause him to constantly fart, 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week! Despite medicine, nothing helps. Then, one day, NASA discovers a curious potential use, for all this excess methane, being expelled! Quite frankly, Stephen Fry and Simon Callow should be ashamed to have been linked to this movie in the first place, without actually starring in it! If you really have any sense, you will avoid this film at any cost. Never has a British movie been so bloody awful! Filled with toilet-humour, fart jokes and generally cheesy acting, this is a giant turd on the skyline that is the British movie industry, and deserves to be ignored! Avoid watching this, if you have even the slightest cinematic taste! (Channel 4)
FILM: High School Musical (PG) – 5:55-7:30pm
Here we have the highest-rated children's TV movie ever shown, in US history, receiving its UK premier just months after its original US transmission. A musical comedy, that will probably appeal more to kids and young teenagers between the ages of 7 and 13, than anyone else. A high-school basketball player, and a female nerd discover they have nothing in common, until they both join-up to enter in a school karaoke contest, where their passion for music, brings them together, and romance blossoms. Partly a combination of the Alan Parker movie “Fame”, and all those glossy Broadway musicals, this will keep most youngsters quiet for 95 minutes, whilst the adults have a rest from everything. If you fancy a feelgood film, and have no problem with saccharine sweet, happy-ever-after storylines, then you'll love this movie. From the Disney Channel, no less! Digital viewers can press their Red Buttons, and receive song-lyrics through the movie, that can be sung along too.
(BBC1)
NEW: Tintin In Tibet / Tintin And Me – 8:00-10:00pm
All-new hour-long animated feature, starring the Belgian comic-strip hero as he takes a new adventure to the country of Tibet. Followed at 9pm by a new documentary discussing the worldwide fans of the Belgian boy-wonder, and the story behind his creation and enduring appeal. (BBC4)
Grumpy New Year – 9:00-10:00pm
The Grumpies are back again, this time having a rant about everything to do with the end of the old year, and the start of a new one! Subjects to be vented over, include kissing strangers, overly friendly hugs from members of the same sex, forced happiness with relatives you see once in a blue-moon, and the countdown to Midnight on New Year's Eve itself! Strong language throughout. Highly Recommended for all you cynics out there! (BBC2)
NEW: CSI: The Inside Story – 9:00-10:00pm
All-new, never-before-seen documentary about the hit US TV crime drama. Interviews with the cast of all three shows, including William Peterson, Marg Helgenberger, Gary Dourdan, David Caruso, Gary Sinise, Khandi Alexander, Emily Procter, Eddie Cahill, and Louise Lombard. The series' appeal to both fans of crime shows, lawyers and criminologists is discussed, alongside footage around the various sets, locations, and interviews about what the cast get up to, off-screen! (FiveUS)
Derren Brown: Something Wicked This Way Comes – 10:00-11:40pm
Recording of Brown's special live theatrical tour concert, that travelled the UK in 2005. Filmed at the Old Vic in London, the audience are put through their paces, with a combination of magic tricks, psychological games and mind-bending illusions, designed to freak and amaze both those participating, and those watching at home too. Contains adult material, strong language, and material that some may find distressing or disturbing. (Channel 4)
Best Ever Spitting Image Moments – 11:00pm-12:05am
Sketches and skits, from the rubber-faced puppets, from the famous political satire that ran throughout the 1980's and early 90's. A little bit hit-and-miss, but fun nonetheless. (ITV1)
FILM: Blue Velvet (18) – 11:10pm-1:30am
Possibly David Lynch's finest work, in my opinion. A dark, disturbing, powerful and hugely multi-layered story about what goes on behind closed doors, in small-town-America. Kyle MacLachlan plays Jeffrey, a young man who becomes inadvertently romantically entangled with an estranged nightclub chanteuse (Isabella Rossellini), after discovering a severed human ear on a walk one day. However, he is caught-out when a deranged and psychotic client of hers (Dennis Hopper, in a award-winning role) turns up, and drags all of them into a nightmarish mystery, that involves murder, deception, entrapment and dwarves! Laura Dern plays Jeffrey's accomplice/female friend, who is forced to get involved in something she is not happy with. From the genteel opening scene with hit Sixties song “Blue Velvet” being played against shots of picket fences, to the very final frame, this is macabre stuff, but it's also truly amazing and audacious too. Anyone who loves US cinema, will adore this, but it's a very disturbing film, and as such, not for the easily offended! Contains very strong language throughout, scenes of explicit violence, sexual material, and sexualised violence. Showing uncut, but in 1.85:1 rather than the proper 2.35:1 ratio. (Film4)
FILM: The Erotic Misadventures Of The Invisible Man (18) – 12:25-2:15am
I can tell from the title alone, that this recent soft-porn movie, is going to be absolutely dire, but for the title alone, this has got to be a guilty pleasure! Some of the special effects will certainly be interesting to watch. May be edited… for obvious reasons. Showing in the original 4:3 ratio. (Sci-Fi)
WEEK TWO
Saturday 30th
Due South Day – 8:00am-8:00pm
Twelve hours of the acclaimed comedy/drama starring Paul Gross was the nieve but well-meaning Canadian Mountie who arrives in Chicago, after trailing the killer of his dead father across the US/Canadian border. See “Southbound” listed below, at 7:00pm for some very special news! (ITV3)
Stargate Day – 10:00am-6:00pm
Fancy seeing how “SG-1” introduced the cast and crew of “Atlantis” into the show? Then enjoy eight-hours of some of the best sci-fi in recent time, as various special episodes are showcased, featuring the new crew of the Atlantic team. At 10:00am, Stargate SG-1's Season 10 two-parter “New Order” airs, which introduces the Atlantic crew. From Midday, the “Stargate Atlantis” Pilot-Movie “Rising” is shown, showing the discovery of Atlantis, and the Wraith. At 2:00pm, episode 18 of Season 1 of “Atlantis” “The Gift” is shown. Then, finally at 3:00pm, the stunning Season 1/Season 2 three-parter “The Siege” airs back-to-back. Highly Recommended! A complete repeat run of “Stargate Atlantis” Season 2 starts a weekly run, from tonight at 9:00pm over on Sky 2, including a repeat of episode 3 of “The Siege”. (Sky 1)
FILM: Big (PG) – 2:50-4:30pm
Superb fantasy drama about a young boy who wishes he were an adult, and finds out overnight, that wishes can come true. Tom Hanks plays the child trapped in an adult's body, who ends-up working at a toy store, and charms everyone around him with his strange but heart-warming childish behaviour. Very funny, and with some great comedy moments, especially the “giant floor-set piano playing” scene. Some mild bad language, but great fun for all! (BBC1)
FILM: Jason And The Argonauts (PG) – 3:35-5:35pm
Now-classic 1963 adventure film, with special effects by FX genius Ray Harryhausen, as we follow the Greek Myth's story about Jason and his adventure searching for the Golden Fleece, after his father's death. Despite its age, the special effects still stand-up in comparison with many modern films. However, if you only watch one scene, check out the superb “Skeleton sword fight” sequence, and you will see why Harryhausen is still considered a master in his field of work! Some occasional violence, but nothing too uncomforting for younger viewers. Showing uncut and in the correct Widescreen ratio too!
(Five)
FILM: Spirited Away (12) – 5:15-7:15pm
One of the best Japanese anime movies ever made in recent years, from the Japanese animation master Hayao Miyazaki! When a young girl, Chihiro, and her family get lot on their way to move into their new home, a wrong turn takes them into a strange, paradisical netherworld, filled with ghosts, goblins and spirits. Her parents go missing, and turn into pigs, and so Chihiro sets out to save her parents, and fulfil a special task for the woman who runs a bath-house. Incredible animation, a brilliant storyline, and some jaw-dropping sequences, make this a truly great movie, that everyone should see at least once! Showing in the original, uncensored version, with a few seconds originally removed for the UK DVD version to gain a PG certificate, but which bump the rating up to a 12, because of their contentious nature. Although it's a great children's film, this is very dark in tone and often quite story, right from the start. As such, it may be best left suited to children of 12 and over, unless parents watch with younger viewers. The movie is also likely to be showing in the English-dubbed version, but it's actually quite good, and includes a great cast, including Michael Chiklis (Vic Mackey in “The Shield”
and Daveigh Chase as Chihiro. Beautiful to watch, and to look at. It's pretty much a perfect film! Highly Recommended, especially for fans of intelligent film-making. (BBC2)
NEW: Earthsea (12) – 6:00-7:55pm
Part one of the two-part Hallmark Channel mini-series, based on the Ursual K LeGuin fantasy novels of the same name, about the wizards, magians, dragons and other assorted creatures who inhabit the land of Earthsea. Isabella Rossellini and Danny Glover star. Concludes tomorrow at the same time. Repeated tonight at 3:20am, and part 2 repeated tomorrow night at 3:45am. (E4)
NEW: Southbound – 7:00-8:00pm
One of the highlights of the whole festive period: a brand-new one-hour long documentary, never before seen in the UK, about the making-of and European success of the 1990's comedy/drama show “Due South”! Paul Gross, David Marciano and many of the cast, reunite to discuss the surreal adventure show, that managed to become a big success around Europe, but not so much in the USA. Here what it was like to be in a hit TV series, the problems of making a show set in both the USA and Canada, and how Paul Haggis, the writer and director of the award-winning movie “Crash”, came-up with the idea for this snow-bound TV series. Highly Recommended! No repeats are scheduled, so don't miss this! (ITV3)
The Secret Policeman's Ball 2006 – 9:15-10:55pm
After many years, the original Amnesty International comedy showcase made its comeback to London. Although some of the comedy guests were very hit and miss, you have to watch the first 50 minutes, if only to see the excellent pop songstress Natalie Imbruglia have her hit single “Torn” intentionally ruined by a Canadian stand-up comedian! It's a joyous piece lasting just three-minutes, and is worth sititng through all the detritus for! Contains very strong language, and adult humour throughout the show. Also repeated tomorrow at 9:00pm on Channel 4, if you prefer a DOG-free version. (More4)
South Park – 9:30-10:00pm
It's Christmas in Colorado, and a certain friend arrives to help the four boys celebrate the season, in a way only he can do. Yes, Mr Hankey, the Christmas Poo, makes his annual visit, and takes Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny on an underground adventure! Toilet-humour at its best, quite literally! Contains adult material. Repeated tonight at 12:45am. (Paramount Comedy Channel)
FILM: Don't Answer The Phone! (18) – 11:00pm-12:30am
Sleazy, violent and distasteful 1970's horror-thriller starring Nicholas Worth as a psychotically-unbalanced Vietnam veteran turned pscho-killer, who goes overboard, when he stalks various young woman around the streets of America. It's a nasty, grungy little film, but it's one of those movies that somehow is undeniably compelling, albeit for all the wrong reasons. Contains violence and gore, including material originally censored by the BBFC! Not for all tastes! Showing uncut, but in 4:3 only. (Performance Channel)
NEW: Band Of Brothers: We Stand Alone Together – 12:10-1:15am
Hour-long documentary about the real men of Easy Company, on whom the TV mini-series was based. Contains some harrowing footage. (FX)
Sunday 31st
Sue Thomas F-B-Eye – 8:00-10:00am or 6:00-8:00pm
Pilot-Episode of this enjoyable US drama show, based on a real-life story. Sue Thomas was a woman keen to join the FBI. However, her family were concerned that this could never happen, because of her disability – Sue was born totally deaf. But, thanks to support from a few close friends, her school and eventually the local police force, whom she worked with before her career move, she gained entry into her chosen job. Initially, her new colleagues weren't sure of what to make of her, but Sue proved that being deaf, could actually be a benefit to the FBI, rather than a problem. In fact, she became a world-famous agent, and was frequently placed in operations that required her to lip-read what criminals were communicating to one another, in places when cameras nor regular FBI agents could be placed. The show is based on Thomas' real-life stories and the numerous investigations and crimes she discovered, during her lengthy career, before she retired recently. Repeats of seasons 1, 2 and 3 will be aired later on, from the middle of January. Recommended. (Hallmark)
FILM: Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (PG) – 1:55-4:05pm
Fun adventure film starring the original Star Trek crew, from the 60's and 70's, as they land in San Franciso 1986, and have to try to solve a mystery, whilst going undetected amongst normal US citizens. Very funny, and a bit daft at times, but easily the most enjoyable for non-sci-fi fans to get into. Spock's and Kirk's meeting with a punk on a local bus, is a memorable highlight. Some mild violence, but nothing too strong for youngsters. Showing uncut. Worth a viewing, if you've got nothing better to do. Also showing on Sci-Fi at 6:40pm today! (Channel 4)
Steve McQueen: The Essence Of Cool – 8:00-9:55pm
Feature-length documentary, about one of the most famous movie icons. Charting McQueen's rise to cinematic stardom, via classics like “Bullitt” and “Papillon”, the documentary examines what made – and still makes – McQueen the quintessential spirit of “coolness”, even to this day! Some swearing. Repeated at 12:50am, for all you night-owls!
(ITV4)
FILM: Adaptation (15) – 9:00-11:15pm
Outstanding comedy-drama, from director Spike Jonze of “Being John Malkovich” fame! Nicolas Cage stars as twin brothers Charlie and Donald Kaufman. Charlie is forced to adapt the latest pot-boiler novel into a scintillating cinematic masterpiece, but finds he is less than enthused about the job. Turning to his younger, and seemingly less-intelligent brother for inspiration, he finds that he may have a problem on his hands, as Donald proves that he can outperform his brother in the role of screenwriter. Will Charlie honour his brother's help, or take all the credit for himself? Shocks and tragedy await, in this superb, one-of-a-kind movie. A stellar cast includes Meryl Streep, Brian Cox, Tilda Swinton, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Chris Cooper. Strong language, and some adult scenes, but Highly Recommended! (Five)
FILM: Lethal Weapon Trilogy (18) – 9:00pm-3:00am
If you are staying in tonight, for whatever reason, you could do worse than watch the first three movies in the “Lethal Weapon” franchise. The first one, pairs Riggs and Murtaugh together, as they go undercover to track down a drugs-baron, who may have been involved in the death of the daughter of a friend of Murtaugh's. Some nasty and very strong violence in the film's second half, makes for uncomfortable viewing, but it's a great film nonetheless. Number 2, at 11:00pm, sees the chalk-and-cheese police officers tackle a vicious South African money-launder and fraudster, as a cache of South African Krugerrands are discovered, which leads to a lengthy battle within the highest ranks of the US and South African political leaders! Again, the mixture of extreme violence, and eye-watering humour doesn't always work, but it's still a good sequel. At 1:00am, the funniest one of the trilogy, but also the most profane, sees the mismatched pair join-up with Leo Getz (Joe Pesci), as they go looking to stop a rogue ex-policeman who is selling arms, originally sent for destruction, but which are now ending up in the hands of gang-members. Very, very funny with some excellent action scenes. Stay-tuned right through the end-credits, though, for an additional “joke”. Contains strong violence, strong language, nudity and scenes of drug-usage in all three films. (TCM - Turner Classic Movies)
FILM: Swamp Thing (15) – 9:00-10:40pm
Wes Craven directs this cult comic-book based movie, about a highly intelligent scientist who creates a serum, that goes horrifically wrong, when he tests it on himself, causing him to go from a human state to that of a man-sized plant! It sounds a bit daft, but there's a wonderful undercurrent that permeates through the film, that just about makes it into something more than it deserves to be. Based on the Berni Wrightson comic-books of the same name. Some brief sexual material, swearing and occasional adult themes. Unusual for sure, but worth a look, if you're willing to give it a chance. (Sci-Fi)
FILM: True Lies (15) – 11:15pm-1:50am
Fully uncut version of this enjoyably silly action-thriller, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis, as a husband and wife, with one very big secret, that is about to come stumbling out of the closet, when he discovers she is having an affair, and lands them in a world of spies and espionage. James Cameron directs this violent action/adventure movie, with Bond-ian overtones, but the main villain, appears to be a little bit too campy, which damages what should be an excellent film, and certainly one of Schwarzenegger's better works. Some strong violence from the outset, strong language throughout and some short sexual scenes, with all of the material previously cut by the BBFC. Showing uncut, but in a compromised 1.85:1 format. (ITV1)
FILM: Romancing The Stone (PG) – 12:20-2:00am
The original, 1984-cut of this classic adventure movie starring Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas, as a novelist and a world-weary middle-aged man, who get caught-up in a jungle-based adventure, looking for a valuable gemstone. Some good scenes, but its dated very badly, which mars the film. This is not the new, longer 12-certificate edition, that was released on UK DVD a couple of years ago, with some of the stronger violence reinserted, so it's relatively safe for older kids of 1o and above to watch. However, it does contain some violence and a fair amount of mild-profanity, which may not be appropriate for youngsters. Recommended. (BBC1)
Monday 1st January 2007
Agatha Christie Day – 6:00am-8:00pm
If you're a fan of Poirot, Miss Marple or Agatha Christie productions, then you'll be glued to this massive 14-hour marathon of the various incarnations – both from TV and film – showcasing some of the author's best works. (ITV3)
FILM: Cowboy Bebop: Knocking On Heaven's Door (12) – 12:00-2:20pm
Another chance to see the fully uncut, Widescreen-formatted anime movie hit, in the original Japanese language, with English Subtitles, as we watch the coolest bounty-hunter and his crew try to perform one last catch, before the law catches up with them permanently. Striking animation, a great jazz music soundtrack, and some great action scenes, help make this film a real hit! Some swearing, some violence, and some brief sexual material. Showing in a compromised 1.66:1 format, rather than the original 1.85:1 print. Highly Recommended though! (Sci-Fi)
FILM: Battlestar Galactica (PG) – 1:00-3:40pm
The special-edition, feature-length 1970 sci-fi classic, combined from the first three episodes of the TV series of the same name, gets a rare TV airing, in the original, uncut and 2.35:1 Widescreen format. As a lonely band of humans are forced to leave Earth aboard the battleship Galactica, looking for a new home to set down on, a deadly cyborg enemy awaits them, willing to rid the galaxy of every single last human being. A great sci-fi film for young and old, especially for adults, who can divert their attention, by trying to guess the names of all the various TV stars, playing many of the main roles. Some mild sci-fi violence, but otherwise family-friendly. Highly Recommended for nostalgia fans, and lovers of sci-fi and cult TV in general. (Sky 2)
Pride And Prejudice Marathon – 2:25-9:00pm
Want to see Mr Darcy emerge in that wet top, again? Enjoy your BBC period dramas, or are you just simply a fan of Jane Austen? If any of these apply to you, then sit back, take the phone off of the hook, banish all family from the living room, and settle down for the entire six-part series, originally aired on BBC1 back in the mid-1990's! Seven and a half hours, of nothing but frocks, tight pantaloons, ye olde English dialogue, and Mr Darcy himself to drool over! Ideal entertainment for the lady in your life, and a perfect start to the New Year too. (UKTV Drama)
NEW: The Sarah-Jane Adventures – 4:50-5:50pm
Second spin-off show from the new “Doctor Who” series, based on the adventures of old-Who companion Sarah-Jane Smith. Actress Elisabeth Sladen recreates her original character, from the 1970's, but updates it for the 21st Century. This is a one-off series, that is specifically aimed at children and families, but a ten-part complete series has already been started production on, with the intention to start airing it towards the end of 2007/early 2008! Transmission will be on the kids channel CBBC, and then repeated later the same week on Children's BBC1. Should be interesting to compare this against the adult spin-off series “Torchwood”. Recommended. (BBC1)
NEW: Nash Bridges – 5:00-6:00pm
An old 1990's favourite returns, as a new show to FX, with a complete run-through of all 122 episodes!
Don Johnson stars as sleazy, private-eye/part-time detective, called Nash Bridges, who is called in to investigate an undercover criminal gang operating in some very shady business. Cheech Marin, Jody Lynn O'Keefe, Annette O'Toole and Serena Scott Thomas all star in this fun detective adventure series, originally shown sporadically in some ITV regions, back in the mid-90's. Episodes air each weekday at the same time, with a next-day repeat at 4pm, prior to the next one. It's cheesy, it's silly, it's sometimes a tad sexist, but it was the show that gave Don Johnson his TV comeback. This is to the ‘90's, what “Magnum PI” was to the ‘80's. (FX)
FILM: The Great Escape (PG) – 5:15-8:00pm
It's that film again! Just as Christmas Day wouldn't be the same without th animated short “The Snowman”, so the New Year wouldn't be as fun without that piece of memorable film music, from this much-loved adventure about an escape from a German POW camp. Steve McQueen, James Garner, Sir Richard Attenborough, Charles Bronson, Donald Pleasance, and James Coburn star in this classic World War II movie. Contains some violence, and some mild bad language. Showing in a compromised 1.85:1 widescreen format. (BBC2)
NEW: Wind In The Willows – 6:20-8:00pm
All-new dramatisation of the classic story, starring Matt Lucas, Mark Gatiss, Bob Hoskins and Lee Ingleby as the four main characters of Toad, Ratty, Badger and Mole. Hopefully this will be a vast improvement over the miserable film adaption, made by Terry Jones a few years back. Recommended for all the family! (BBC1)
Python Night – 8:00pm-1:35am
Possibly the funniest movie ever made, “Monty Python's Life Of Brian” airs at 9:00pm, as part of an evening devoted to this controversial British movie. At 8:00pm, a documentary explores the film itself and why it was both loved and loathed around the UK. After the movie, at 10:45pm, a second documentary looks at “What The Pythons Did Next”, and charts the hit comedian's varying careers, from John Cleese's TV hit “Fawlty Towers”, to Terry Gilliam's movies “Brazil”, “Erik The Viking” and many more. Rare archive footage both in-front and behind the screen looks at the trials and tribulations of the men, as they grapple with trying to create comedy genius, whilst tempers and friendships fray, threatening to ruin the world-famous “Monty Python” team! Lastly, at 11:50pm, Michael Palin's award-winning British comedy-drama “A Private Function” airs, based on the story and play by Alan Bennett, set in post-war Yorkshire, as a man (Palin) defies the food-rationing scheme, by fattening his pet pig. Strong language, adult material, some sexual material and adult humour throughout the night, but “Life Of Brian” is simply a must-watch movie! Highly Recommended… but avoid drinking or eating anything during the film, or you'll likely be spitting it all out everywhere, as your sides split with laughter! (Channel 4)
NEW: Angel – 8:00-9:00pm
Season 4 starts its first ever Sci-Fi Channel transmission tonight, with the episode “Deep Down”. Continues weekly. Repeated throughout the week. (Sci-Fi)
Arena: The Archers – 9:00-10:00pm
Behind-the-scenes documentary about the longest running radio-drama series, Radio 4's “The Archers”. Meet some of the cast, past and present, as we delve behind the closed doors of Ambridge, and see how each episode is put together, to be enjoyed by a worldwide audience of millions. Repeated later on at 1:20am. (BBC4)
Medium – 9:00-11:00pm
A complete repeat run of Season 2, starts tonight, with episodes 1 and 2 respectively. Showing uncut and (surprisingly) in hard-matted 1.85:1 Widescreen! (16:9 viewers, will have to stretch or zoom-in on the picture to fill their TV screens.) Episodes continue each night, culminating in a marathon session on Wednesday night, from 9:00pm-4:00am! (Sci-Fi)
NEW: Bones – 10:55-11:55pm
Another chance to catch this intriguing mix of “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” and “American Gothic”. Based on the novels of Kathy Reichs, anthropologist Temperance “Bones” Brennan is brought in to partner-up with a special agent, Seeley Booth (played by David “Angel” Boreanaz), to try and discover who and what the remains of a grisly discovery of bones are, which lay at the bottom of lake. Repeats of all of Season 1 continue each night on Sky 1 at approximately the same time. Episodes can also be seen 24 hours later on Sky 2, around Midnight and then again at 3am. (Sky 1)
Tuesday 2nd
NEW: Dark Angel – 6:00-7:00am and 1:00-2:00pm
Repeat run of both Season 1 and 2 of the James Cameron created sci-fi thriller about a woman who flees an evil government-based agency, that is creating a breed of superhumans, ready for an upcoming war. When the woman and a few of her fellow superhumans escape, they scatter to various parts of the USA. It remains to her, to discover what their real purpose was, and to locate her friends, whilst remaining hidden from the 24/7 surveillance that the government now has. This is the first half of the two-part Pilot Episode, with each episode airing daily, early in the morning, and then repeated at lunchtimes. Some episodes have had brief edits for violent content and to remove occasional instances of swearing. A great show, that ended before being given the chance to become something really special. Highly Recommended! (Sci-Fi)
Sherlock Holmes Day – 6:55am-8:00pm
The character of Holmes and Watson have been given many TV and film incarnations. Here's an opportunity to catch a mix of some of the best of those, as ITV3 devotes the entire day to the Victorian-era detective. See your usual TV listings guide for full details. (ITV3)
NEW: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's The Lost World – 2:00-3:00pm
Repeat run of all three seasons of the USA/Australian co-production, based on the famous novel by Conan Doyle, about a set of explorers who discover a magical, stone-age world, from which they appear unable to escape. Silly at times, and often far-fetched, but still better than a lot of other similar shows. Each episode airs daily at the same time on weekdays, with a repeat early the next morning at 5:00am. Ex “Neighbours” actress Rachel Blakely stars as Marguerite Krux, the leader of the gang who is forced to try and the team's way home. (Sci-Fi)
NEW: This Life: 10 Years On (aka “This Life + 10) – 9:00-10:20pm
The cult 90's British legal drama returns for one-off concluding story, as the original gang meet-up ten years later, to discuss, chastise and lay blame on everything that's happened to them all, whilst trying desperately to handle the emotional turmoil of the sudden death of one of their own. Strong language, some sexual material and scenes of drug usage, but this is supposed to be the climax that even beats the Series 2 finale episode! Followed straight after, at 10:20pm with a short ten-minute behind-the-scenes reunion featurette, as the cast reminisce about the show that made many of them household names. (BBC2)
NEW: CSI: Miami – 9:00-10:00pm
It's the Season 4 finale, and the conclusion to the three-part story, looking at the possible “mole” hidden within the Miami Dade Police's forensic team. Horatio's back is against the wall, as the team have to deal with a devastating event, only to find that the FBI want to take over the resulting inquiry, and try to lame the blame firmly at the CSI's front door! A controversial ending, but hopefully an impressive one! Season 5 will air from the middle of July-2007. (Five)
NEW: Pandemic – 9:00-11:00pm
First of a new two-part, futuristic thriller, about a teenager who dies on a plane, only for the rest of the passengers to discover that he died from a plague-like illness! As the passengers try to handle the problem, the inhabitants of Los Angeles are also gripped by the same shocking news, only to find that government decide to quarantine both the city, and the plane and passengers… some of whom, are none too happy about this. Tiffani Amber Thiessen (of “Beverly Hills 90210” and “Fastlane”
, Faye Dunaway, Eric Roberts and French Stewart (from “Third Rock From The Sun”
star. Concludes tomorrow at the same time. (Sky 1)
NEW: From The Earth To The Moon – 9:00-11:20pm
First of the twelve-part drama/documentary show produced by Tom Hanks and HBO, charting the history of the Space Race, from the 1950's through to the start of the 21st Century. Contains occasional brief scenes of violence, and some strong language, hence the post-watershed time-slot! Episodes vary in length, but all are around 70-minutes in length, including ad-breaks! Repeated late tonight, from 12:20am. (FX)
NEW: Inked! – 10:00-10:30pm
New reality TV documentary series following the staff and clients of the Hart & Huntington Tattoo Parlour, in the US. Repeated tonight at 12:20am. (ITV4)
FILM: Three Colours: Blue (15) – 10:00-11:35pm
Stunning arthouse drama from Polish director Krzysztof Kieslowski, about the French tricolour, and the meaning of life. “Blue” follows Juliette Binoche's character as a woman involved in a near-fatal car crash. Upon waking-up, she discovers she has lost her award-winning musical composer husband, and her young daughter too. Upon recovery, she sets out on her own, to try and make amends, but finds that the pain of recovery is sometimes harder than the pain endured in the accident. Multi-award-winning drama, that no fan of World Cinema should miss! Akin to absolute bliss, with a dynamic and deeply moving music score, and some jaw-droppingly powerful scenes, this is must watch cinema! Some strong language, and a brief sexual scene. First in a trilogy. “Three Colours: White” and “Three Colours: Red” follow on Friday, and then next Tuesday respectively, at the same time. Highly Recommended! In French with English Subtitles. (Artsworld)
NEW: The Thick Of It – 10:30-11:30pm
Potentially, the last ever episode of this absolutely stunning political comedy show, from Armando Iannucci. Chris Langham's personal problems earlier this year, means he only makes a very brief appearance as the Secretary of State for Social Affairs. So instead, the story follows spin doctor Malcolm Tucker's, (the hilarious, and relentlessly foul-mouthed Peter Capaldi), attempts to keep control of his political party, as the government and the opposition make a break for an overt power-bid! Will his dwindling and inept team be able to steer there way through the choppy waters, or has the Secretary of State finally met his match and is forced to end his job with a spectacular and very permanent attempt at career suicide? If you can handle the explicit language, (and I'm talking “Deadwood” levels of f- and c-words here), this is definitely the highlight for me of the entire two weeks of TV viewing! It's brutal, it's sometimes very near-the-knuckle, but it is probably the finest piece of political satire ever made! Pretty much TV perfection! Highly Recommended! The episode is repeated tonight at 1:00am. (BBC4)
FILM: Shaun Of The Dead (15) – 11:00pm-12:55am
Fun, but rather silly comedy-horror movie, from the creators and cast of the Channel 4 comedy “Spaced”. When a morose electrical store salesman discovers that not everything is quite as it appears, and that his local town is being inhabited by zombies, he is forced to take action to try and save himself, his flatmate, his friends, his girlfriend, their family and almost everyone else as well from being devoured. Although it's an enjoyable couple of hours to waste away, this is not – in my opinion – as good as the hype that surrounded the initial cinema release claimed. The jokes are very hit and miss, even for fans of Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson and their “Spaced” co-stars, and an air of having seen much of this before pervades it, resulting in a rather muted and almost frivolous ending. Worth watching, if you've got nothing better to do, but don't expect great things. Some violence and gore, with a fair dose of strong language. (ITV2)
Wednesday 3rd
ONE TO AVOID: Celebrity Chav-Munch – 8:00-9:30pm
The annual, pile of trash that is Celebrity Chav-Munch starts another overlong, overly-dumb, and utter waste of prime-time national television! If you really care about your brain, or your sanity, then you will make sure that you are doing anything except watching Channel 4 at this time! Oh, and I have a bone to pick with C4: how come you can afford £170 million to keep “Butt Munch” on your station for another 3 years, but you weren't willing to match or better the measly £20 million for Seasons 3 and 4 of “Lost” to keep that on C4 as well?! You miserable
! I can see what their priorities are, and it isn't the viewers they care about! (Channel 4)
NEW: Torchwood – 9:00-10:30pm
The final two-episodes of the adult spin-off from “Doctor Who”, are combined into this 90-minute, feature-length special. While on an investigation, into ghostly apparitions and music in an old 1940's style dance hall, they meet a very mysterious young man… called Jack Harkness! How will the team deal with their leader's doppelganger being alongside them, and how will the young man's encounter with the Torchwood team affect adult Jack's life? Although the show has been rather sporadic in terms of its quality, I have to say that overall, it's been far better than I had anticipated, especially after the BBC's unmitigated £8 million disaster “Robin Hood” (which has somehow managed to have been renewed for a second, 13-episode run!)! No details on whether or not a second series of “Torchwood” is due, but with the ratings been consistent, at around 2.5 million per week, the chance is fairly high! Some strong language and violence. (BBC2)
FILM: Ransom (18) – 9:00-11:25pm
Superbly disquieting thriller, with Mel Gibson and Rene Russo. When Tom Mullen (Gibson) and his wife discover their son has gone missing, their distress turns to horror, as a horrific game of cat-and-mouse ensues, when they receive news that the son is to be used as a pawn in a sick kidnapping game. Although this movie is based on another movie from the 1970's, this is a slick and vicious thriller, that keeps you entertained from beginning to end. Some truly scary scenes, and an audacious twist in the end, this is a great movie, that is really worth watching. Some strong violence, very strong language, and some scenes of a distressing nature. Harrowing, but very entertaining! (Five)
NEW: Desperate Housewives – 9:30-11:30pm
Season 3 starts tonight, with back-to-back showings of the first two episodes, and Gabrielle is finding her life rather harder than she'd prefer. With the pitter-patter of tiny feet on the way, her husband in prison, and the marriage on the rocks, things are becoming a little too much. Meanwhile, Bree has her hands full, as she begins to discover some less than savoury news on her latest beau, Dr Orson Hodge (Kyle MacLachlan of “Twin Peaks” and “Dune”
, and with her son and daughter making her life a misery, her patience is being tested to its fullest. Lynette, though, also has problems, as she makes a new discovery, and it's going to be an emotional and financial rollercoaster for her. The series will continue each Wednesday ngiht, but from next week, will return to its usual timeslot of 10:00pm. This series looks set to be an incredible one, moreso because original series creator Marc Cherry is back on script supervision duties.(He was forced to take time-off during Season 2, through nervous exhaustion and stress, resulting in the rather slow, saggy feeling during the final few episodes!) Let's hope that the ladies of Wysteria Lane can keep us entertained for the next six months! (Channel 4)
FILM: Scum (18) – 10:00-11:55pm
The original 1979 uncut cinema version, that was originally meant to be shown on the BBC, who banned it! London hardman Ray Winstone is sent to Borstal, and has to deal with being the new prisoner. On arrival, he discovers it's not only the other boys he has to contend with, but the “screws” as well. An uncompromising, raw, and very shocking British movie, that is also an eye-opening view on the then-British justice system! Very strong language, strong violence, and adult scenes, make this a drama for adults only. An incredible experience! (ITV4)
NEW: Huff! – 12:00-1:10am
Start of the complete series rerun, combining all 26 episodes of the crude, foul-mouthed comedy drama about Dr Craig Huffstodt who suffers a major career setback, when one of the patient's he counsels, commits suicide in his office. When the parents of the teenager blame Huff, he is forced to take drastic legal action. But that action, comes in the form of a womanising, drug-taking, prostitute-loving, offbeat alcoholic friend called Russell Tupper (played by Oliver Platt), who turns the situation into a nightmare, and almost costs Huff his career, his life and his family. Another Showtime series that was culled, but one that deserves to be seen by more people, as it's a beautifully dark satire, with a host of great cast members, including Hank Azaria in the title role, Paget Brewster as his wife Beth, Blythe Danner as his mother Izzy, Anton Yelchin as Byrd, Huff's son, and Jack Laufer as a homeless Hungarian man who appears to try to give meaning to Huff's live, and who may or may not be a spirit! Contains very, very explicit language and adult scenes throughout the series entire weekly run. (FX)
Boston Legal – 1:00-2:00am
Repeats of Season 2 of the award-winning comedy legal drama, with William Shatner and James Spader, air daily each night! Showing in 1.66:1 rather than the proper 1.85:1 format. Season 3 will start later in the year, sometime between April and June 2007. (LivingTV)
Thursday 4th
FILM: Battlestar Galactica (12) – 8:00-10:40pm
This is the two-part Pilot Movie, that started-off the latest version of the classic 1970's sci-fi TV show! With a new cast, but the same characters, this is a stunningly complex, and multi-layered variation, about a fleet of Battlestar ships, who have had to flee Earth in order to look for a new planet to settle on. However, a deadly new enemy, the Cylons, are on their tail, and have the ability to fit-in amongst humans, to infiltrate the human race from the inside. With everyone on edge, it seems that the human race is going to struggle. This is a special, movie-version of the Pilot Episodes. Originally, the full-length version, was two 92-minute episodes (excluding adverts), and this was released on UK and US DVD. However, because of the extreme length, a special, shorter version was prepared for US syndication, which removes some elements of the full-version, and runs around 30-minutes shorter, in order to make it more stand-alone. It is this shorter edition that is getting its UK premiere tonight! (All previous transmissions on Sky 1 and 2, have been the original, full-length versions!) Contains some swearing and violence, but it's a truly outstanding movie, and you'll be dying to watch the TV series straight after. Worth recording, even if you already own or have seen the full-length version, just to compare the extensive amount of differences. (Sky 2)
Hollywood Bombs And Blockbusters – 9:00-10:25pm
Documentary examining the Hollywood blockbuster phenomenon. How did the “blockbuster” become such a significant part of our cinematic entertainment? What was the first real blockbuster, and why do some films work, yet others bomb? Interviews with actors and directors, discuss the highs and lows of making and creating hit movies, against the highly restrictive regime of Hollywood, who demand bigger and better things, but on shorter shoots, and with more control over the finances. Some strong language. (Sky 1)
NEW: ER – 9:00-10:00pm
Year 13 of the hit medical drama, and things are as frantic and stressful as ever, as we return for another riveting series.
After the traumatic events at the end of the last series, the staff are finding things ever tougher than usual. Luka's tied to a trolley, whilst ER nurse, Sam Taggert and her son, have been kidnapped at gunpoint by her ex-husband. The problem now, is who else is going to end up with a bullet in them? Abby is in shock, and the shooting has upset her pregnancy, but with Pratt, Chen, Morris, Neela, Ray and Weaver all over the place, who's going to take control of the situation, and deal with the influx of patients that are still in the hospital? I don't care what anyone else says, this is still the best medical drama on TV, bar none! I love “House” too, and “Grey's Anatomy” has its moments, but “ER” has been creating and maintaining some of the most impressive storylines and characters, ever since it's original inception, way back in 1994! No other drama has the sheer intensity, the number of major and minor characters, who so wonderfully combine together, to make every single episode pretty much Oscar-worthy. And with the numerous guest stars over the years, it still manages to not let the big-names get in the way of great stories! Non-digital viewers will be able to catch the start of the new series, in about 4 weeks time, probably taking the place of “Without A Trace” on Monday nights at 10pm. More details as and when I get them.
Episodes repeated several times throughout the week. Check your usual listings guide for exact transmission details. (E4)
NEW: Kitchen Confidential – 9:00-10:00pm
Hilarious, thirteen-part, semi auto-biographical comedy series, based on real-life chef Anthony Bourdain's life as an LA chef, revealing what really goes-on behind the kitchen scenes in many major US restaurants! Starring a cavalcade of cult TV stars, including Bradley Cooper (from “Alias”
, Bonnie Somerville (currently in “NYPD Blue”
, Nicholas Brendon (from “Buffy”
, and Jaime King, this is a stunning show, that deserves to be seen by as many people as possible. Although the show has now been cancelled in the USA, they only got to see the first five episodes. Here in the UK, we'll get the World Premiere of episodes six through thirteen. Episodes one and two air tonight, and then every Thursday night for the next couple of months. Episodes are repeated later tonight at 3:00am. Strong language, and sexual scenes. Highly Recommended! (Paramount Comedy Channel)
NEW: Green Wing Special – 10:00-11:55pm
Two-hour special, to conclude the offbeat, darkly comic sitcom set in and around a team of strange hospital staff. With Mac returning from his near-death experience, and Dr Statham and Joanna on the run from the law, and Caroline and Guy about to be married, things seem fairly normal. But all that is about to change, when Karen's fall from the office window alters her personality, and Martin begins to feel like ending it all. And then Sue decides that a career change might be in order!
Well, it is Christmas after all, so maybe everything will end okay…. Fat chance! This is likely to be the last time we see the gang, and hopefully this will be a fitting end to what has been a difficult, but bizarrely rewarding two years of wonderful British comedy, that works best after two or three viewings. News suggests that the gang may return, but either as a spin-off show, following Guy, Caroline and Mac, or Joanna and Dr Statham. Failing that, a big-screen outing might be on the cards, if it becomes possible to get all of the team back together again, at a future time. Whatever happens, this is going to be a treat! Strong language and sexual scenes! See if you can spot the guest star, playing the female restaurant critic. You may know her, from the far more family-friendly show “Monk”! (Channel 4)
NEW: Kojak – 11:00-11:55pm
Repeat run of the 2005 remake, starring Ving Rhames, but starting with episode three, as the first two form the Pilot Movie, and ITV4 don't hold the rights to air it. As such, this means that much of the character development and plotlines are confusing, to newcomers, and I personally gave-up very quickly on this show. Sky Movies hold the right to the movie, and it does turn-up on their every now and again, so you may prefer to record the episodes, and the movie, and then watch them in the correct order, at a later date. (ITV4)
Mark Lawson Talks To Jack Dee – 12:00-1:00am
BBC “Newsnight Review” presenter Mark Lawson has an in-depth discussion with actor, and multi-award winning comedian Jack Dee, as they discuss Dee's stand-up career through to his latest show, “Lead Balloon”, which will hopefully return towards the end of 2007, for a second series. Some strong language and adult humour. (BBC2)
Friday 5th
NEW: NCIS – 9:00-10:00pm
In a brand-new timeslot, and on a new day too, Five have brought forward the start date for Season 3, which receives its terrestrial premiere tonight! There's also another reason for the time-change: the show has become more mature in terms of its content, and as such, Saturday evenings are no longer an appropriate time for it to air. Sensibly, the shows will now air completely uncut, but still in 4:3. As you may remember, Kate was shot by evil master-criminal Ari at the end of Season 2. Now, Ari is making a return, and Gibbs is really, really
! In a rare sense of breaking the rules, Gibbs decides that it's time to kill Ari once and for all, but NCIS command have another idea! A superb opening episode, with some interesting new characters, that could prove to take the show in a new, and more intriguing direction. Some overtly-sexual humour appears in this episode, and there's a fair amount of mild bad-language. Highly Recommended! (Five)
NEW: Intelligence – 9:00-10:00pm
All-new US spy drama, gets its UK premiere on Hallmark, with the first half of the two-part Pilot Movie. Ian Tracey takes on the role of the head of an organised crime gang who, in exchange for a get-out-of-jail-free card, offers to help the local police bring down the very organisation he used to lead, from the inside. Apologies, but I have no other details to hand, I'm afraid, and there's almost no info on the Internet about the series either. (Hallmark)
NEW: Ugly Betty – 9:30-10:30pm
Episode one of the smash-hit US comedy-drama, starring the wackily named America Ferrara, as the titular character. Betty works on a fashion magazine. When the magazine gets a new owner and editor, the new boss asks for Betty's help. There's just one, minute problem: neither Betty or the new boss know a single thing about fashion or the fashion industry. So, the two of them cook-up a plot to try and keep their colleagues in denial, and the magazine a viable option in the industry. It sounds daft, but with “Extras” star Ashley Jensen, Eric Mabius, Ana Ortiz, Vanessa Williams and Alan Dale co-starring, this could prove to be an interesting to your Friday nights. The series is aimed at adults, and hence, it does contain strong language and adult humour. (Channel 4)
NEW: Law And Order: Criminal Intent – 10:00-11:00pm
Another show, with a new day and time-slot. Season 4 of the legal drama, gets its terrestrial TV premiere, but in the original Widescreen format!
Goren and Eames are on the trail of a shock-jock disc-jockey and his drug-dealing housekeeper. This leads the detectives to a drug-detox clinic, where a particular staff member there suffers from a mental illness, which hits Goren rather too close to home! (Five)
Woweeeee!
There you have it folks, the end of two whole weeks of Christmas and New Year viewing! Twenty pages of what's hot and what isn't, and all done, for you, the people who make the AV Forums the wonderful place it is!
Well, I don't think I can say anything more, so I shall simply wish you a pleasant holiday, and I shall return in the New Year, where we get to do this all over again!
For now, though, au revoir, and Happy Viewing!
Pooch
