Bullying at school/home schooling

shodan

Distinguished Member
Not at work, which is where most of us spend our daily lives. I've never felt that there was a possibility of physical violence. And if that did happen, the person involved would be pretty quickly marched straight out the door.



I don't like the sound of that society. We have laws to prevent physical violence.
Yes of course but I am taking about non verbal communication and the subconscious doing it's thing.
Of course violence had no place in the workplace or everyday life, but that is because as a society, we strive to be better (generally speaking).
 

Flynch191

Well-known Member
It’s sad to hear yours and all these other stories and I’ve not got much else to add that’s not been said already. I’m sorry that anyone has had to go through this.

I will say some schools are great at tackling these problems and others do not have a clue.. although there are government guides on all this that each school should know and practise.. actually putting it into practice is a different matter.

When ready I would try and ask her to go back into a class room but probably in a different school... but everyone and their circumstances are different… you’ll know best.
 

Tight Git

Distinguished Member
I've just read through this thread and it seems that nothing has changed since I was at school over 60 years ago.

I was lucky enough to have passed the 11 plus and went to a very snobby Grammar School which gave me a wonderful academic education which my parents could not possibly have afforded if I'd gone to a private school.

However, my life was made hell for 7 years when my classmates found out my Dad was a bus driver, most of the other Fathers being Solicitors, Doctors, Company Directors, etc.

I'm afraid children can be cruel and will pick on anyone who's in anyway different.

At least I could get away from them in a very loving home (like yours obviously is Markster).

Today, with so-called Social Media, some are not so lucky.
 

Xenomorph

Member
I've just read through this thread and it seems that nothing has changed since I was at school over 60 years ago.

I can categorically assure that nothing has changed. Well, except teachers aren't allowed to cane the kids and it's debatable what effect that's had on discipline.


I was lucky enough to have passed the 11 plus and went to a very snobby Grammar School which gave me a wonderful academic education which my parents could not possibly have afforded if I'd gone to a private school.

However, my life was made hell for 7 years when my classmates found out my Dad was a bus driver, most of the other Fathers being Solicitors, Doctors, Company Directors, etc.

I'm afraid children can be cruel and will pick on anyone who's in anyway different.

At least I could get away from them in a very loving home (like yours obviously is Markster).

Today, with so-called Social Media, some are not so lucky.

It's a really toxic environment for some. With hindsight I should have been taken out of school, but unfortunately home ed wasn't an option for me back then. I'm not going to make the same mistake with my kids. I'm not leaving them to struggle in a place that will make them miserable, angry, and socially deprived. The huge irony of schools of course is that they apparently promote social development. How the fudge is that possible if your peers completely and utterly ostracise you?
How is that possible if you find it hard to talk socially because you're on the autistic spectrum? Kids like this need more help, and in my experience schools provide no help with this.
 

rustybin

Distinguished Member
Very sorry to hear about your problems.

I'm not an advocate of homeschooling at all, although I could understand why people do it (and why you would do it) as a short term solution.

As for bullying...the nature of bullying makes it exceptionally hard to deal with from a school's point of view. It's very often sly, underhand and almost subliminal at times.

Occasionally it's more cut and dried, but that's only for the really stupid bullies who put something in writing or who are seen doing something by an adult.

More often it's one person or group of people's word against another.
 

Donald duck

Distinguished Member
I can categorically assure that nothing has changed. Well, except teachers aren't allowed to cane the kids and it's debatable what effect that's had on discipline.




It's a really toxic environment for some. With hindsight I should have been taken out of school, but unfortunately home ed wasn't an option for me back then. I'm not going to make the same mistake with my kids. I'm not leaving them to struggle in a place that will make them miserable, angry, and socially deprived. The huge irony of schools of course is that they apparently promote social development. How the fudge is that possible if your peers completely and utterly ostracise you?
How is that possible if you find it hard to talk socially because you're on the autistic spectrum? Kids like this need more help, and in my experience schools provide no help with this.
It's weird isn't it, this zeroing in on particular people.

I remember being pulled out of a q for a games lesson by 4 older boys. Stole my money and threw my games kit into the long jump sandpit, along with a couple of slaps for good measure.

In the end it all righted itself by the time I left school. The guys doing the bullying were being bullied by a different group when they got older.

One of these bullies and his pals as adults booked some spaces on a coach we used to run monthly to Cream back in the 90's. His face was a picture when he saw how much I'd changed and who my new friendship group was.

Childhood for some can be miserable and in some cases terrifying.
 

Xenomorph

Member
Very sorry to hear about your problems.

I'm not an advocate of homeschooling at all, although I could understand why people do it (and why you would do it) as a short term solution.

There's nothing short term about our home schooling. Better quality, more effective. It works well for us.

As for bullying...the nature of bullying makes it exceptionally hard to deal with from a school's point of view. It's very often sly, underhand and almost subliminal at times.

Occasionally it's more cut and dried, but that's only for the really stupid bullies who put something in writing or who are seen doing something by an adult.

More often it's one person or group of people's word against another.

There was nothing sly about my elder daughter's bullying I can assure you. It was noticed by teachers, who did literally nothing.
In the end it was down to us to do something positive.
 

rustybin

Distinguished Member
There's nothing short term about our home schooling. Better quality, more effective. It works well for us.



There was nothing sly about my elder daughter's bullying I can assure you. It was noticed by teachers, who did literally nothing.
In the end it was down to us to do something positive.
Fair enough. If I felt my children were coming to harm I'd remove them too. But there's no substitute for a quality education in a half decent school.

If teachers put in writing that they saw bullying and didn't tackle it, you could have had them disbarred.
 

Xenomorph

Member
Fair enough. If I felt my children were coming to harm I'd remove them too. But there's no substitute for a quality education in a half decent school.

If teachers put in writing that they saw bullying and didn't tackle it, you could have had them disbarred.

It's a long story, which I won't bore you with. But suffice to say that we were disappointed with the school(s) on many levels.
All I can say is, we're now getting better results so it was the right decision for us.
 
D

Deleted member 27989

Guest
It's a long story, which I won't bore you with. But suffice to say that we were disappointed with the school(s) on many levels.
All I can say is, we're now getting better results so it was the right decision for us.
And that is the important part. Not everyone is the same. Not all types of schooling work for everyone, finding what works for the individual is very important.

I’m a big fan of Montessori and free school but not enough decent options in the UK for that style.

Sadly as can be seen by many reports here too many school focus on changing things for the victim opposed to tackling the bullies.
 

Tight Git

Distinguished Member
Although I was bullied at school (Post#28), I do have some sympathy for teachers, who presumably entered the profession to teach, rather than be part-time Social Workers and often surrogate parents!

Or is this heresy? :eek:
 

Xenomorph

Member
Although I was bullied at school (Post#28), I do have some sympathy for teachers, who presumably entered the profession to teach, rather than be part-time Social Workers and often surrogate parents!

Or is this heresy? :eek:

No I do have some sympathy with the teachers, it can be a difficult job, and has become more so in recent years.
But I have fundamental issues with our education system though, and I don't believe it's a good fit for all kids, especially ones with ASD.
 

NatTheGooner

Well-known Member
We homeschooled our daughter from 8 until 16 because of bullying. The school had all the talk and policies but never offered any practical measures to stop the bullying at source - even saying that the bullies had a right to express themselves. Our daughter was in such a bad place that we had to take her out.
Homeschooling is tough for many reasons, being a teacher, not having a break from each other, staying motivated, lack of friends and other stuff.
You could take her out on a long term but temporary basis and build her back up a bit. Don’t worry too much about formal lessons for now, if she has interests in music or art maybe get her a guitar or some art stuff for her to have a go at along with you. Even daft stuff like a classic movie or classic album each day with phones turned off - just you and her.
Our daughter has her basic English and Maths exams done (online) and has after a few panics has just settled in to an art course at college and has made a few friends which feels like a lottery win for my wife and I.

What you’re feeling now is so tough I know.
DM me if you want a chat mate.
 

Tight Git

Distinguished Member
Just to clarify, what exactly do we mean by home schooling?

My parents both left school at 14 and would have stood no chance of teaching me physics, chemistry, advanced mathematics or Latin/French/German.

If we mean paying for a private tutor, then that would definitely have been impossible on a bus driver's wages!
 

Donald duck

Distinguished Member
My brother's ex-wife and her siblings were all educated at home, they are all successful business people.
Whether they're an anomaly I couldn't say.
 

Jenzen

Standard Member
My story to tell is also a long one. The short version is that my child has special needs, academically able though, so refused an EHCP or special schooling. They were horribly bullied throughout primary school, with zero effective help in school. The bullying and lack of help reached a peak in year 6 and their mental health really plummeted. I withdrew them before starting high school.

Within a week they started to relax, the nightmares and stomach aches eased. Things improved steadily from there on.

I don't regret our decision to home educate but it isn't easy. It's expensive, doing IGCSES is costly. Socialising can be tricky, unfortunately the home ed community can be cliquey, especially if you don't hold the same views as other parents. It's sadly true in my experience that a large percentage are anti-vaxxers for example.

But despite all the difficulties it was definitely the right decision for my child. I suspect it will take them longer to get their secondary education completed than it would if they were in school, but with sound mental health and self esteem.. it's worth it

That wasn't that short in the end sorry! I could write pages on this subject!
 

Xenomorph

Member
Just to clarify, what exactly do we mean by home schooling?

My parents both left school at 14 and would have stood no chance of teaching me physics, chemistry, advanced mathematics or Latin/French/German.

If we mean paying for a private tutor, then that would definitely have been impossible on a bus driver's wages!

No we certainly don't have the financial means to employ private tutors.
What I'm talking about here is one parent being a full time educator. Again I appreciate that not all families are in a position to do this.
But these days there are a lot of resources to help with doing home ed. We're enrolled with a remote learning organisation who specialise in producing course materials for kids that for whatever reason can't attend mainstream school. They follow the guidelines of the national curriculum. You also get assessments which are marked by a tutor. There are periodic video calls with the tutors.
When I say tutors though, they only provide guidance, really it's the parent who is doing the day to day teaching.
 

Xenomorph

Member
My story to tell is also a long one. The short version is that my child has special needs, academically able though, so refused an EHCP or special schooling. They were horribly bullied throughout primary school, with zero effective help in school. The bullying and lack of help reached a peak in year 6 and their mental health really plummeted. I withdrew them before starting high school.

Similar situation with us. With first daughter being academically good, she was the target of envy. And I blame the parents of other kids for this, as much as their kids. This continued on to high school, with some very severe systematic bullying. That is when we called it a day.
With our youngest, we've gone down the home ed route a lot sooner, as we could see she wasn't progressing that well, despite assurances from the teachers we could tell there were huge gaps in her foundation knowledge. When we took her out of school we actually repeated the previous year to catch up with what she didn't know.


Within a week they started to relax, the nightmares and stomach aches eased. Things improved steadily from there on.

I don't regret our decision to home educate but it isn't easy. It's expensive, doing IGCSES is costly. Socialising can be tricky, unfortunately the home ed community can be cliquey, especially if you don't hold the same views as other parents. It's sadly true in my experience that a large percentage are anti-vaxxers for example.

But despite all the difficulties it was definitely the right decision for my child. I suspect it will take them longer to get their secondary education completed than it would if they were in school, but with sound mental health and self esteem.. it's worth it

And this is the thing: What's the rush? Our standard education system has the kids on an unstoppable conveyor belt trying to gain what, 10 GCSEs, then straight on to A levels. Then on to University. All this at a time in their lives which has huge physical and mental changes.
And let's face it, they've got a lifetime of work after that.
We're taking an altogether more relaxed approach. Doing less subjects. Focusing on what they enjoy. Trying to work out what they are really interested in with a view to doing it as a career.


That wasn't that short in the end sorry! I could write pages on this subject!

Talk away, it's a really interesting subject to me.
 

The Markster

Active Member
Thanks to all who have responded and my sympathies to those who have endured it. My daughter is starting to resemble her old self so positive steps. She's gotten her head down and is happy she can actually focus on learning. I have a zoom meeting with the council on her home education to see what help and support they are able to offer.

However today we are faced with a new issue and that is her younger brother had also been subject to bullying. The complication is that he is a type 1 diabetic and autistic and it is his diabetes which is the target by way of laughing at him and generally been nasty about his condition to a point where he is not carrying out his checks properly. Today for example, he suffered a hypo and his bg level dropped to 1.8, which is dangerous for him, but he was afraid of asking for help because of the grief he has been getting, so instead decided to have lunch without giving himself insulin. Tonight he looked dreadful and his bg level had rocketed off the scale. I was lead to believe the school had a system in place to check on him and make sure he is doing everything correct, so I am not happy that he is slipping and no one at the school has mentioned anything.

He has even started skipping meals at school to get out of having to do checks and administer insulin. Stressed to bits now
 

The Markster

Active Member
This also popped up on a local social media page regarding another poor kid at at school so its rampant in the school
 

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NatTheGooner

Well-known Member
Thanks to all who have responded and my sympathies to those who have endured it. My daughter is starting to resemble her old self so positive steps. She's gotten her head down and is happy she can actually focus on learning. I have a zoom meeting with the council on her home education to see what help and support they are able to offer.

However today we are faced with a new issue and that is her younger brother had also been subject to bullying. The complication is that he is a type 1 diabetic and autistic and it is his diabetes which is the target by way of laughing at him and generally been nasty about his condition to a point where he is not carrying out his checks properly. Today for example, he suffered a hypo and his bg level dropped to 1.8, which is dangerous for him, but he was afraid of asking for help because of the grief he has been getting, so instead decided to have lunch without giving himself insulin. Tonight he looked dreadful and his bg level had rocketed off the scale. I was lead to believe the school had a system in place to check on him and make sure he is doing everything correct, so I am not happy that he is slipping and no one at the school has mentioned anything.

He has even started skipping meals at school to get out of having to do checks and administer insulin. Stressed to bits now
It’s tough mate. You’ve done great getting your daughter in happier state, maybe leave the option open for her to return at some point if she feels up to it, but the main thing is you’ve protected her when she needed it.
The school really need a chance to sort themselves out regarding your son, maybe ask them to let you know when it will be safe for him to return and ask what measures they have put in place. Regarding the bullies I don’t think I should say what I’m thinking… but Ryobi sell cordless ones now.
 

The Markster

Active Member
It’s tough mate. You’ve done great getting your daughter in happier state, maybe leave the option open for her to return at some point if she feels up to it, but the main thing is you’ve protected her when she needed it.
The school really need a chance to sort themselves out regarding your son, maybe ask them to let you know when it will be safe for him to return and ask what measures they have put in place. Regarding the bullies I don’t think I should say what I’m thinking… but Ryobi sell cordless ones now.
It's a manure show at that school. I have a friend whose daughter is in the same year as my daughter but has the same condition as my son and they don't seem to have done much to help her so I don't hold out any hope. Too many stories are coming out of the place, I must admit I'd always heard the stories but always put them to one side and let my own experience define whether I believe they are true. As I sit here today I think this school is toxic and not fit for purpose. The facility itself is impressive compared to anything from my era. I won't be as calm when I have my next meeting with the school. I received a letter this morning basically begging me to let the school sort my daughters issues out giving her a bespoke plan which I am yet to respond to but today's findings will be included in my response.
 

Xenomorph

Member
It's a manure show at that school. I have a friend whose daughter is in the same year as my daughter but has the same condition as my son and they don't seem to have done much to help her so I don't hold out any hope. Too many stories are coming out of the place, I must admit I'd always heard the stories but always put them to one side and let my own experience define whether I believe they are true. As I sit here today I think this school is toxic and not fit for purpose. The facility itself is impressive compared to anything from my era. I won't be as calm when I have my next meeting with the school. I received a letter this morning basically begging me to let the school sort my daughters issues out giving her a bespoke plan which I am yet to respond to but today's findings will be included in my response.

Tick boxes, that's all it is. Schools are usually very vocal about their processes and policies of zero tolerance etc. It looks good on the Ofsted report.
When it comes to the crunch, actions don't usually match up, or are completely ineffective.
 

The Dreamer

Distinguished Member
It's a manure show at that school. I have a friend whose daughter is in the same year as my daughter but has the same condition as my son and they don't seem to have done much to help her so I don't hold out any hope. Too many stories are coming out of the place, I must admit I'd always heard the stories but always put them to one side and let my own experience define whether I believe they are true. As I sit here today I think this school is toxic and not fit for purpose. The facility itself is impressive compared to anything from my era. I won't be as calm when I have my next meeting with the school. I received a letter this morning basically begging me to let the school sort my daughters issues out giving her a bespoke plan which I am yet to respond to but today's findings will be included in my response.
Have you been in touch with Ofsted? They are the ones that can put the school into special measures, and maybe then get this sh*t show sorted.

One of our neighbours used to be a specialist teacher that got ‘parachuted’ into NorthEast schools that were underperforming to help turn them round. Her speciality was maths, and she has since left that occupation, but there are other specialists, not just teachers, that can be sent to schools to take over and sort them out - but Ofsted can only help if they know of the problem.

If NDA is in denial, and trying to hide the problems rather than sort them out, then Ofsted need to know. I’d encourage all of the parents with kids being bullied to get in touch with Ofsted, the odd case here and there might not gain much traction, but if it can be shown to be endemic, they’ll be obliged to get involved.

Best of luck.
 

Lightfooty

Active Member
Have you been in touch with Ofsted? They are the ones that can put the school into special measures, and maybe then get this sh*t show sorted.

One of our neighbours used to be a specialist teacher that got ‘parachuted’ into NorthEast schools that were underperforming to help turn them round. Her speciality was maths, and she has since left that occupation, but there are other specialists, not just teachers, that can be sent to schools to take over and sort them out - but Ofsted can only help if they know of the problem.

If NDA is in denial, and trying to hide the problems rather than sort them out, then Ofsted need to know. I’d encourage all of the parents with kids being bullied to get in touch with Ofsted, the odd case here and there might not gain much traction, but if it can be shown to be endemic, they’ll be obliged to get involved.

Best of luck.
Good idea. It seems the school is not managing to cope with the bullying behaviour and may need intervention.
 

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