I'm not sure if this is the right forum, but I feel like a parent right now.
My BIL had an abusive ex, he got out of the relationship and moved to Australia where he lived (rent free) with his aunt/uncle and worked on & off on a tourist work visa thing for a year and a half.
He then went on holiday in Asia and met a girl who lived in Brazil, he followed her back there (to extend the holiday I guess?). Then Covid happened, he was adamant about staying there but the family convinced him to fly to me and my partner who are in the UK (the rest of the family is in Malaysia). He was very resentful about the family "making" him fly to the UK. During his time with us we did make him pay a minimal amount of rent (£300 approx inc food & bills), he got a well paid job (£175 a day) which involved working in London and he would stay sleep in a hotel a couple of nights a week, due to this he decided to reduce his rent. He ended up living with us for a year like this.
He then decided enough was enough, he hated his job (4am starts) and he was going to Brazil, he said he wanted to have a life there, buy property, get a job etc etc. It seemed a shame he couldn't wait an extra month for our wedding as my now wife had none of her family there (due to travel restrictions), which was tough. She didn't tell him to stay, but to do what he felt was best. I personally feel as a brother he should have been there no matter what.
5 months went by and he has now broken up with the Brazilian g/f (right after she splashed out on his birthday), from what I can ascertain he didn't really make an effort to get a job there and it was more like a big holiday as they spent most of the time travelling round Brazil. He is complaining he is depressed and needs therapy due to his past abusive ex. He gave my wife 1-2 weeks notice that he intended to come back to the UK and stay with us.
He has now flown back to our house and his new plan is to get a permanent residency in Australia (a company he worked for has offered him a job and will sort the legal side). The only snag is this will take 5-7 months (again apparently), however this gives him the opportunity to build his funds back up (after using them on holiday). He is looking at going back to his old job in London and getting therapy for his mental health.
My wife obviously feels a duty of care for her younger sibling, and he is ok to live with. However our house is small, we are looking to start a family and I must admit I'm a selfish only child and I like my space. I'm not sure if living with us is really the best thing, he is nearly 30 now so really needs to start standing on his own two feet.
Do we sympathize with his mental issues and let him stay almost free in the house? Do we charge him full rent? Or do we just say go and rent somewhere?
My BIL had an abusive ex, he got out of the relationship and moved to Australia where he lived (rent free) with his aunt/uncle and worked on & off on a tourist work visa thing for a year and a half.
He then went on holiday in Asia and met a girl who lived in Brazil, he followed her back there (to extend the holiday I guess?). Then Covid happened, he was adamant about staying there but the family convinced him to fly to me and my partner who are in the UK (the rest of the family is in Malaysia). He was very resentful about the family "making" him fly to the UK. During his time with us we did make him pay a minimal amount of rent (£300 approx inc food & bills), he got a well paid job (£175 a day) which involved working in London and he would stay sleep in a hotel a couple of nights a week, due to this he decided to reduce his rent. He ended up living with us for a year like this.
He then decided enough was enough, he hated his job (4am starts) and he was going to Brazil, he said he wanted to have a life there, buy property, get a job etc etc. It seemed a shame he couldn't wait an extra month for our wedding as my now wife had none of her family there (due to travel restrictions), which was tough. She didn't tell him to stay, but to do what he felt was best. I personally feel as a brother he should have been there no matter what.
5 months went by and he has now broken up with the Brazilian g/f (right after she splashed out on his birthday), from what I can ascertain he didn't really make an effort to get a job there and it was more like a big holiday as they spent most of the time travelling round Brazil. He is complaining he is depressed and needs therapy due to his past abusive ex. He gave my wife 1-2 weeks notice that he intended to come back to the UK and stay with us.
He has now flown back to our house and his new plan is to get a permanent residency in Australia (a company he worked for has offered him a job and will sort the legal side). The only snag is this will take 5-7 months (again apparently), however this gives him the opportunity to build his funds back up (after using them on holiday). He is looking at going back to his old job in London and getting therapy for his mental health.
My wife obviously feels a duty of care for her younger sibling, and he is ok to live with. However our house is small, we are looking to start a family and I must admit I'm a selfish only child and I like my space. I'm not sure if living with us is really the best thing, he is nearly 30 now so really needs to start standing on his own two feet.
Do we sympathize with his mental issues and let him stay almost free in the house? Do we charge him full rent? Or do we just say go and rent somewhere?