Brilliant story!

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by colinwheeler, Mar 13, 2006.

  1. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
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    Mods, not sure about the language but please move to sensitive if needed or pull it and I will sanitise:

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialled it. A man answered, saying "Hello."

    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right ****ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.

    I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

    When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

    Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

    It always cheered me up.

    When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.

    So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

    He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

    I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

    One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

    Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included is phone number, so I wrote down the number.

    A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial) I though that I'd better call the BMW asshole too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

    "Yes, it is", he said.

    "Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

    "Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray BLVD, in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and t! he car's parked right out in front."

    "What's your name?" I asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

    "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

    "I'm home every evening after five."

    "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

    "Yes?"

    "Don, you're an asshole!" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

    Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

    Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

    "Hello?"

    "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

    "Are you still there?" he asked.

    "Yeah" I said.

    "Stop calling me," he screamed.

    "Make me," I said.

    "Who are you?" he asked.

    "My name is Don Hansen."

    "Yeah? Where do you live?"

    "Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaulcuse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

    He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
    I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

    Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

    "Hello, asshole." I said.

    He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are."

    "You'll what?" I said!

    "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

    I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

    Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

    Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.

    I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.

    I got there just in time! to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

    NOW I feel much better.

    Anger management really works!
     
  2. Member 55145

    Member 55145
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    ha ha, that was a good read, thankyou :thumbsup:
     
  3. Bat-man

    Bat-man
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  4. Mep

    Mep
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    good one mate, made me chuckle!
     
  5. Dom996

    Dom996
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    Great tale. Is it true though, even the end.
     
  6. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
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    Indeed, this reminds me of a true story that happened to me a couple of years ago:

    Living in London, I was driving home from work in Euston to Canary Wharf along Upper Themes Street. I pulled up before a green light as the traffic was backed up to just in front of the hatched intersection. The guy in the white van behind me took offense to me not proceeding into the intersection and started to hoot at me. He continued to lean on his horn while the lights cycled and I then pulled off, ignoring him as much as I had been while he was hooting.

    I drove up the road towards the Tower Bridge intersection at 30, which was also clearly not to his liking. Just before we got to the intersection he pulled over next to me and had his window down and was shouting abuse out of the window at me and shaking his fist. I thought he had blown a gasket in his mind at this stage, so smiled and shrugged my shoulders as if to say: "you crazy or what?" He took this to be the final straw and intending on pushing me over onto the side of the road and administering some sort of physical revenge on me, he pulled over the wheel to swerve over. What he failed however to notice though was the traffic cop comming through on his motocycle between our two vehicles.

    Anyway, safe to say that the traffic officer was not hurt and climbed straight up and pulled him over.

    All I was thinking as I drove on was...Man, I don't care to be that guy, just having run a copper off his bike while leaning out of his window and screaming abuse and shaking his fist.

    It just goes to show, the world can be a very just place!
     
  7. Woodywizz

    Woodywizz
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    Reminds me of a time when I worked in a outward call centre. I once asked to speak to a customer whom happened to live in Scotland...the backlash I got was amazing. Suffice to say that every swear word was uttered under the sun (by him) and the amount of bigoted racist abuse I got simply because I was English was unbelievable. He explained that he 'knew' people in Manchester and that he would have me kneecapped if I ever phoned him again - this was the first time I had called the guy. After suffering this abuse for over 1/2 hour - where he explained that he would have not only me killed but also my family, that I would always have to look over my shoulder, and how he generally hated the English - going in to explicit detail as to why. I apologised for calling him and put the phone down. Now, I worked for a company which had access to his name, date of birth, full address, and bank account details.....and I was leaving that company within the month.:cool: :cool:

    I took note of his details and waited a month. Then the revenge began. After looking on the internet and finding various local companies, we ordered for him :

    a banquet for 4 people from his local Chinese - payment on delivery, we did that 3 times from different takeaways;

    ditto Pizza;

    an industrial size skip - to be delivered at 8am on a Saturday morning - again payment on delivery;

    various local businessmen to come and give quotes for rewiring, new bathrooms, kitchens;

    registered his name with a local conservatory company;

    one of my scottish mates phoned him at 2am, pretending to be an addict wishing to buy various substances;

    we found a local agency of a certain persuasion, made note of their details, then one of my female friends rang his house up, spoke to a female, and explained that we had found Mr's wallet in the agency premises and could he collect it from - full company name and address given (which left nothing to the imagination) - and ask for Chantelle.


    Looking back on it, it was rather childish....but it was fun.:D
     
  8. bitofatit

    bitofatit
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    He he he… Reminds me of that Jenny Jones Show (bit like jerry springer) episode when they lined a guy up who had a secret admirer. Turns out that the admirer was in fact some gay guy that had the hots for him. Much laughter at the straight guys expense. I laughed even more when a few weeks later the straight guy gunned down and killed the gay one as he couldn’t live with the shame. Ahh,… I’m wiping the tears away ROTFL.

    Call me a b of a T but to be honest, escalating stuff never really works. Maybe the “asshole” guy was simply having a bad day? :lesson:

    http://www.glbtq.com/arts/am_tv_talk,3.html
     

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