Breaking up

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by neilo, Mar 7, 2006.

  1. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    Can you win her over if she tells you there is no hope ?
    Or do you just resign yourself to single life ?
     
  2. Bat-man

    Bat-man
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2005
    Messages:
    2,953
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Location:
    Lincoln
    Ratings:
    +547
    Mourn.
    Move on.
    Simple really.
     
  3. Mr Cat

    Mr Cat
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2003
    Messages:
    2,215
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    51
    Location:
    Weardale
    Ratings:
    +57
    would you really want to..?? move on, find someone else...
     
  4. Miyazaki

    Miyazaki
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2003
    Messages:
    14,393
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Ratings:
    +850
    Shag her best mate. See how she reacts to that! :D
     
  5. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    Yes I still love her
    Im 39 this year feel too old to start again
     
  6. Bat-man

    Bat-man
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 31, 2005
    Messages:
    2,953
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Location:
    Lincoln
    Ratings:
    +547
    Good gracious me! :eek:
     
  7. Mr Cat

    Mr Cat
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2003
    Messages:
    2,215
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    51
    Location:
    Weardale
    Ratings:
    +57
    I've often tried to kop off with ex's mates - never worked, and my ex's have always found out!!

    so, any slight chance of us getting back together were simply blown out of the water...!
     
  8. Razor

    Razor
    Distinguished Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2004
    Messages:
    37,726
    Products Owned:
    2
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    Ratings:
    +12,503

    You can win anyone over if you really want to. The thing you have to ask yourself is she the right one for you. If the answer is yes then fight for her. Do what ever it takes.

    If there is someone else involved then I would wave good bye. Once someone has betrayed your trust it is near impossible to trust them again or love them in quiet the same way.

    Sorry to hear you are having problems mate. I hope it is resolved one way or the other. Good luck. :)
     
  9. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    Cheers mate
    No no one else is involved
    I told her last night I wont give up on us , she said I have to ..If i dont we have to stop speaking all together
     
  10. Mr Cat

    Mr Cat
    Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2003
    Messages:
    2,215
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    51
    Location:
    Weardale
    Ratings:
    +57
    I broken up with a woman I was living with just over a year ago now - I do still think about her (mixed emotions tho) - but I knew we weren't right for each other tho...

    I've had some flings since then and hopefully found the right woman now :smashin:

    but it didn't stop me feeling emotional when I found out my ex had moved out of the village I live, I haven't a clue where she is, tho I could ask her sister who still txt's me from time to time...
     
  11. Miyazaki

    Miyazaki
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2003
    Messages:
    14,393
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Ratings:
    +850
    I understand totally where Razor is coming from, but imagine if you were her and you really wanted to end the relationship, the last thing you would want is for your ex to keep on harassing you IMHO. Personally, it would put me off even more. But then I imagine you know her better than most people, and it is up to you to make that judgement call at the end of the day mate.
     
  12. Kazman

    Kazman
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    5,351
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    86
    Location:
    Luton, Bedfordshire
    Ratings:
    +142
    I'd say move on.

    39 isn't old, heck, you will be at your prime with the skill of 'wooing' the opposite sex by now :D If someone does not appreciate you the way you are, then it is time to move on. Be yourself, the thrill of the chase could well be yours again, it's the most fun part :)

    I've been lucky and been happily married for four years now, but you need a mutual understanding of each other.

    If this woman doesn't appreciate you, I'd take the opportunity to go and have some fun :). Strike up a conversation with someone you like, has there ever been someone you thought to yourself "What if things happened this way with her?" if so, call them :) find them, and enjoy for a little while :)
     
  13. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    I hear ya , but I asked her if she wanted us to stop speaking , she sais no
     
  14. overkill

    overkill
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2003
    Messages:
    11,863
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Location:
    Murkeyside
    Ratings:
    +1,207
    Give it up Neilo. From (bitter) experience, if she's saying it's over, then it is. Women, once they've made their mind up on a relationship, have already moved on in their heads. Theres still a chance if you noticed she's unhappy about things before the crunch, but if it's come out of the blue..........

    Sorry to hear it's that serious, and hope I'm wrong, but it's well nigh impossible to talk em' round once the female mind is set. :(

    As a last desperate move, have you tried to get her to see a MGC? If you're married that is? That sometimes buys you some time to lay on the wine and roses and follow that by talking it through.
     
  15. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    Going through something similar at the moment, although it looks like there is light at the end of the tunnel I can offer the following:

    1. You have to find out what is causing her to take this stance. As irrational it seems to you, it may be a very good reason to her.
    2. Decide if it is worth it to you and keep making this decision all the time. It will keep things in perspective.
    3. Talk but listen more. Don't argue whatever you do. Try for instance just to agree with everything she says through out one conversation.
    4. Let her go. Tell her is she really wants to go and can't see any hope for the relationship, she should organise to go because you would prefer it if she is happy. Trust me this does make them think!!!
    5. When she is willing to talk about things and starts asking you questions, be honest, both logically and emotionally.

    Other than that, feel with you heart but don't let it ruin your life.

    Good luck mate, these are hard situations.
     
  16. DancingJester

    DancingJester
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2005
    Messages:
    137
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Location:
    London
    Ratings:
    +19
    I have to agree with Games Guru ... it sucks and I'm sure most of us here know how much. Sometimes it is really hard to let go, and you know what honestly you may never get over it who can tell. However it is all about how you choose to live your life - you can choose to keep chasing her and then when you don't get her back (and that is the most likely outcome) you will be even more upset then now. Cry weep howl at the moon whatever it takes for how ever long it takes, mourn the loss and all that but start resigning yourself to the fact it is over now, I'm not saying that is easy it will be tough but probably the best you could do for yourself. ..

    Condolances but these things happen. Final aside she may have said she doesn't want you two to stop speaking but it also sounds like she has made it perfectly frankly clear that it is over - you can't hear one thing and not the other. As GG sais hassling won't help.
     
  17. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    Cheers Overkill
    No we are not married ...Yup she is a stubborn one ..bl**dy infurriating it is
     
  18. Kazman

    Kazman
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2004
    Messages:
    5,351
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    86
    Location:
    Luton, Bedfordshire
    Ratings:
    +142
    The friends thing is hard after a break up. It's usually better to have a clean break, otherwise it makes things more difficult.
     
  19. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    Sorry overkill but your name comes to the forefront in this one.:)

    Neilo, don't do it because of this. I understand where overkill is comming from but really don't listen because if a relationship is really important to you, you should fight for it just from an honesty with yourself point of view. If we just gave up on things that were really important to us???

    Go for it, just keep in mind that your long term happyness is the most important thing.
     
  20. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    Cheers Colin
    I have tried telling her to fight , its a stupid argument
     
  21. stevegreen

    stevegreen
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    May 14, 2001
    Messages:
    8,746
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Location:
    in my Hymer
    Ratings:
    +921
    Oh yeah? :devil: ;)
     
  22. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    Yeah, I nearly f&(^ed everything up big time with mine like that, constantly harping on and it felt pathetic to me so imagine what it looked like to her. You just need to focus and be charismatic about the whole thing. Show them what made them fall for you in the first place and listen to what they are saying.

    Back with the warning though, remember that you are trying to take care of yourself and your wellbeing here! Keep that in mind at all times and don't get into a situation where you are damaging yourself and her.
     
  23. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    I guess the annoying thing is , she left her husband for me ..she gave all that up for me ....and is now willing to just throw this away after all the hassle we went through in the begining .. her family against it all from the start
     
  24. Razor

    Razor
    Distinguished Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2004
    Messages:
    37,726
    Products Owned:
    2
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    Ratings:
    +12,503
    In my experiance women always want what they cant have.

    If there is truely no one else involved this is how I would play it.

    I would give her a bit of space maybe a week or so, this will be very hard on you, but hopefully your missus will start to miss your friendship and companionship. Do not even phone her for a few days to a week, hopefully she will make first contact for what ever reason.

    After that week I would talk to her, not pressure her but talk to her. Get yourself togeher and be strong. Maybe suggest a meal out or a date of sorts.
    Talk about your problems and listen had to what she has to say. Be confident with in yourself this is important, a confident strong charater is more attractive than a weak one. Tell her that you love her etc and you dont want to loose her. At the same time tell her that you cant just be friends, its all or nothing. I do beleive if you are charming enough and persistant enough and there is no other party you can be successful. After all she fell for you before. This will take time Neilo and wont happen over night. Do not be weak around her, you can be sad but not weak if that makes sense.
     
  25. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    Don't worry, there will be other things that annoy you about the situation too...never just 1!!!!!:)

    In South African we used to say "Vasbyt" which means "bite hard" and refers to when a surgeon in the field used to make you to bite on a leather belt or something during a painful proceedure. Just persist through it try my advice.

    Oh, and don't let it torture you all the time. Go out for a drink with some of your mates and just forget about it for a night.

    Me and mine are hopefully going away in a week or two's time just to sit and talk for a while.
     
  26. SanPedro

    SanPedro
    Well-known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2001
    Messages:
    4,544
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    136
    Ratings:
    +531
    Has she given any particular reason for saying there is no hope?

    If the reason is something you are able to do something about then there may be some hope. If the scenario is something beyond your control I would have to agree with Overkill and say 'move on'.

    It's never happened to me (been together 18 years, married for 14), but I think that if my partner didn't want me then why should I break my heart even further trying to win back somebody that doesn't want me. We've had plenty of ups and downs in our 18 years, and more ups than downs fortunately.

    It's not as if you are in a situation where you are trying to woo sombody new, but you could be trying to fix something that may be beyond repair. At the end of the day you may be willing to do whatever in order to win her back... but if she's not interested then you'll just be banging your head against a brick wall. (and that hurts)

    Heartless as it may sound at the moment but I honestly think you are best trying to find somebody else that will love you all over again for who you are. 39 is not too old... although it may seem like it at times (I know... I'm 42).

    You are never 'too old'. Just think of all the women going through the same as you at the moment. The old phrase 'plenty more fish in the sea' is never truer than at this age, especially with a one in 2 divorce rate.
     
  27. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    I agree fully with most of Razor's advice except I would not tell her this sort of thing because her first reaction will be, well okay he has changed tactics but is still singing the same song. Just try and talk about normal stuff or about the problems if necessary. At the most at the end of the evening you could tell her that you enjoyed her company but I would advise against any "strong" emotional content.
     
  28. neilo

    neilo
    Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 18, 2002
    Messages:
    1,569
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    38
    Ratings:
    +21
    We spilt up last tuesday night ..I try so hard to not call or text ..hoping she would miss me ...I can tell by her voice when she answers the phone how she is.....the 1st few days very abrupt.... over the weekend she answered with the same voice she always answered...lol her daughter always new it was me on the phone by how she answered ...So i tried so hard last night to win her over ....:suicide:
     
  29. colinwheeler

    colinwheeler
    Active Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2005
    Messages:
    2,423
    Products Owned:
    0
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    66
    Location:
    Basel
    Ratings:
    +153
    Give her some space for a week or so. Possibly just send her a txt saying that you will give her a call in a week or so if that is okay. Then go out and try enjoying youself a bit. Get a bit of perspective on the situation.
     
  30. Razor

    Razor
    Distinguished Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2004
    Messages:
    37,726
    Products Owned:
    2
    Products Wanted:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    166
    Ratings:
    +12,503

    I agree with what you say. I would leave the all or nothing comment for a good while. Make her like you first and miss your company. Get her back onside, once this is done then you can say the all or nothing comment. I would also find out why this has happend, once you know give her some space and think about what she has said.
     

Share This Page

Loading...