Bidet toilets

Daerve said:
In between what.:eek:

I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D

If you've just read The Sun you can even save on toilet paper.
 
la gran siete said:
This thread is becoming increasingly infantile:eek:

Becoming?

LGS, congrats mate, another quality thread.:rotfl:
 
...so to bring this back on track - how do you use them ?

Do you just have a squirt of water and hope that blasts away the winnits and tagnuts, or do you have to get involved i.e. soap and scrubbing ?

...always wondered...

;)
 
Mr.D said:
I've got two kids too...still doesn't make me long for lingering in the bathroom.

Is it in fact a mastubatory thing? Is "having a quiet read of the paper" a euphemism for making love to yourself in a digital fashion.

Are all you "toilet lingerers" in fact just a bunch of "self fiddlers"?

My dad used to spend a lot of time in the bog , we thought he'd bust his colon ...then we found his secret Razzle stash after he'd snuffed it.

Makes you wonder what Elvis was up to ?

:eek: How very dare you.:D

To be honest I just don't know how people can manage to pleasure themselves whilst on the toilet. It just doesn't go together IMHO.

As for Elvis, my bro is a paramedic and he reckons you'd be amazed at the amount of people that die whilst doing a number 2.:rolleyes: It's the straining that does it, it makes your blood pressure rise and breaks things.
 
Mrs AutomanUK said:
erm... doesn't everybody ? [..]!!

My point being... one has already *wiped* one's hands on 4 pieces of clothing before one gets to wash them at the sink.

So to say "There's no touching anything with 'nasty' hands" is quite the misconception.
 
Daerve said:
[...] As for Elvis, my bro is a paramedic and he reckons you'd be amazed at the amount of people that die whilst doing a number 2.:rolleyes: It's the straining that does it, it makes your blood pressure rise and breaks things.

And you can get fissures! :eek:
 
marts62 said:
And you can get fissures! :eek:

Indeed, straining is an all together BAD thing and should be avoided at all costs, hence taking the paper in, chilling out and letting nature do her thing.:D
 
Daerve said:
:eek: How very dare you.:D

To be honest I just don't know how people can manage to pleasure themselves whilst on the toilet. It just doesn't go together IMHO.

Ah you've never heard of "blumphy" then?
Invented by Alice Cooper with the assistance of a groupy. An altogether unsavory experience I imagine.
 
Mr.D said:
Ah you've never heard of "blumphy" then?
Invented by Alice Cooper with the assistance of a groupy. An altogether unsavory experience I imagine.

:eek: Never heard of it, glad I haven't, don't want to know what it is.:D
 
Mrs AutomanUK said:
I think this would be open to abuse by the slightly deranged element of society who might spend the whole day on the thing getting squirted and blow dried because it 'feels nice' !!! MP3 player in a bidet ?.... what's that all about ?!!!! what songs could it play... how about close to you, or U can't touch this....:rotfl:

There was a music hall artist called Marie Lloyd who managed to sing songs with a double meaning. in her day there was theater censorship so when she proposed singing "I Sits Amoung The Cabbages And Peas" she was told to change the word Peas, she did and the new song was allowed and she sung "I Sits Amoung The Cabbages And Leaks":rotfl:
 
i was asked do we have one of these.... i said no... the woman gave me a hard stare and said... How do you manage.... i said i stand on my head in the shower
 
I can't see the problem with 'toilet lingering'. I have been a toilet lingerer all my life and some of my greatest ever ideas were formulated whilst musing on the can. As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing better for the mind than getting into a deep thought and that is what toilet lingering is all about.

My greatest ever toilet lingering achievement so far was coming up with a completely original idea for a Macbeth essay for my English Literature A-Level a few years ago. I even went one further and wrote the entire 3000 word essay on the john (admittedly I had the runs and the deadline was nearing) which ended up with a 98% mark. I genuinely believe this would not have been achieved had I written it at a desk.

Sitting on the throne is a sacred event. There is no more inspirational place to invent. It's just you and your mind. Think about it, Newton came up with the laws of gravity whilst sitting quietly under a tree, better known as nature's toilet. Whether or not he was taking a dump at the time is open to debate. Anyone who suggests a perverted element to toilet lingering clearly doesn't 'get it'. The toilet is your imagination's best friend.
 

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