Bidet toilets

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
They have never sat too well with us, bidets that is, but in Argie land at elast 90% of the population have them. Now the Japs have come out with looks a very neat contraption-the bidet toilet. Apparently it squirts two differet types jets, depending on need, towards ones rear end followed by a warm gush of air.Good idea or not? Saves on a lot of toilet paper and some even have mp3 players:D
 

Dave

Distinguished Member
la gran siete said:
They have never sat too well with us, bidets that is, but in Argie land at elast 90% of the population have them. Now the Japs have come out with looks a very neat contraption-the bidet toilet. Apparently it squirts two differet types jets, depending on need, towards ones rear end followed by a warm gush of air.Good idea or not? Saves on a lot of toilet paper and some even have mp3 players:D
Even if i had one, i doubt i'd use it.

However if it cleaned me, dried me and played some tunes, i may have to reconsider.:D
 

Mrs AutomanUK

Novice Member
I think this would be open to abuse by the slightly deranged element of society who might spend the whole day on the thing getting squirted and blow dried because it 'feels nice' !!! MP3 player in a bidet ?.... what's that all about ?!!!! what songs could it play... how about close to you, or U can't touch this....:rotfl:
 

Dave

Distinguished Member
Mrs AutomanUK said:
I think this would be open to abuse by the slightly deranged element of society who might spend the whole day on the thing getting squirted and blow dried because it 'feels nice' !!! MP3 player in a bidet ?.... what's that all about ?!!!! what songs could it play... how about close to you, or U can't touch this....:rotfl:
:rotfl:

I spend ages on the pan anyway, not because it "feels nice":blush: but because I can read the paper in peace without the dogs or wife distracting me.:D

Just with they could make the seat more ergonomic, my legs always go numb after 10 minutes.:rolleyes:
 

Mr.D

Distinguished Member
Never understood this fascination with lingering in the toilet . I'm in and out in the necessary time.

You toilet lingerers wouldn't also be out of shape and have trouble with the obligatory level of strain by any chance?
 

Mrs AutomanUK

Novice Member
It is a good place to read, and not have the kids asking you 20 questions. It does not mean that straining is happening, it just means we are lingering for some peace.... erm.... ok, I don't stay long. The kids are usually hammering on the door before I have read a page !!
 

Pat_C

Novice Member
Mrs AutomanUK said:
I think this would be open to abuse by the slightly deranged element of society who might spend the whole day on the thing getting squirted and blow dried because it 'feels nice' !!!
Mmmmm .... getting squirted and blow dried ...
 

Lee

Moderator
Mrs AutomanUK said:
It is a good place to read, and not have the kids asking you 20 questions.
Agree with that :D .

Why stop at an MP3 player. It would be better still if you sat down and a screen popped up and a movie played in full surround, so you could then watch with no interruptions.:D
 

Dave

Distinguished Member
Mr.D said:
You toilet lingerers wouldn't also be out of shape and have trouble with the obligatory level of strain by any chance?
Nope, you shouldn't strain anyway, it makes farmer giles come and give you a visit. Not pleasant.:hiya:
 

Reign-Mack

Active Member
Daerve said:
Nope, you shouldn't strain anyway, it makes farmer giles come and give you a visit. Not pleasant.:hiya:
spending a lot of time sitting on an lav seat also brings on the chiggaz.

Pat_C said:
Mmmmm .... getting squirted and blow dried ...
possibly the sickest thing I have read all day although honest... would'nt mind being blown dry, but squirting is out of the question

Mr.D said:
Never understood this fascination with lingering in the toilet . I'm in and out in the necessary time.

You toilet lingerers wouldn't also be out of shape and have trouble with the obligatory level of strain by any chance?
would prefere to linger in a hot bath on a hot day myself. Toilet Lingering is nasty there is a reason why we wash are hands after we use the bog, using them to read books or eat food inbetween is just sick...
 

Dave

Distinguished Member
Reign-Mack said:
Toilet Lingering is nasty there is a reason why we wash are hands after we use the bog, using them to read books or eat food inbetween is just sick...
In between what.:eek:

I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D
 

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
Daerve said:
In between what.:eek:

I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D
But with a bidet toilet you wouldnt need any toiler paper therefore no washing hands:D
 

metropolis

Active Member
the worst thing about these toilets is that they are heated.the first time i sat down on one of them it felt like someone had been sitting on it for an hour to keep it warm before i went on it.........creepy,and you have to be careful were you put your hands because if you press the wrong button you get a jet of water up your arse :eek: :eek:
 

Mr.D

Distinguished Member
Mrs AutomanUK said:
It is a good place to read, and not have the kids asking you 20 questions.

I've got two kids too...still doesn't make me long for lingering in the bathroom.

Is it in fact a mastubatory thing? Is "having a quiet read of the paper" a euphemism for making love to yourself in a digital fashion.

Are all you "toilet lingerers" in fact just a bunch of "self fiddlers"?

My dad used to spend a lot of time in the bog , we thought he'd bust his colon ...then we found his secret Razzle stash after he'd snuffed it.

Makes you wonder what Elvis was up to ?
 

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
Mr.D said:
I've got two kids too...still doesn't make me long for lingering in the bathroom.

Is it in fact a mastubatory thing? Is "having a quiet read of the paper" a euphemism for making love to yourself in a digital fashion.

Are all you "toilet lingerers" in fact just a bunch of "self fiddlers"?

My dad used to spend a lot of time in the bog , we thought he'd bust his colon ...then we found his secret Razzle stash after he'd snuffed it.

Makes you wonder what Elvis was up to ?
maybe not fiddlers but squeeze out and inners:eek: and out again

sort of anal gymnasts
 

Mr.D

Distinguished Member
la gran siete said:
maybe not fiddlers but squeeze out and inners:eek: and out again

sort of anal gymnasts

brings whole new meaning to the term "anally retentive".
 

la gran siete

Distinguished Member
This thread is becoming increasingly infantile:eek:
 

marts62

Novice Member
Daerve said:
I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D
So you don't pull up yer knickers, then do up your trousers, then tuck in your shirt, then tighten your belt, before washing your hands?

I doubt there's any bugs on your hands by the time you get to the sink.
 

Mrs AutomanUK

Novice Member
marts62 said:
So you don't pull up yer knickers, then do up your trousers, then tuck in your shirt, then tighten your belt, before washing your hands?

I doubt there's any bugs on your hands by the time you get to the sink.
erm... doesn't everybody ? unless we have one of these ass washing blower bidet bog things, how else are we supposed to act in the loo ? wipe yer bum, leave the trousers knickers etc round your ankles and jump across to the sink, scrub your hands, and then you are permitted to bend down and pull up your clothes?

I give in.. where can I get one of these all singing ( mp3 player remember) all dancing ( ok, blowing) bidets from ???? !!
 

Joe90sDad

Banned
These toilets are not that new. They've been available in the UK for at least 2/3 years.
The only thing that would concern me is if waste got onto the jet nozzle. Then you'd get the last user's crud blasted up your bum.
 

Pat_C

Novice Member
Mrs AutomanUK said:
wipe yer bum, leave the trousers knickers etc round your ankles and jump across to the sink, scrub your hands, and then you are permitted to bend down and pull up your clothes?
I can't see that working too well in a public toilet!
 

Pat_C

Novice Member
Mr.D said:
Makes you wonder what Elvis was up to ?
Maybe that was the inspiration for "All shook up"?
 

Reign-Mack

Active Member
Daerve said:
In between what.:eek:

I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D
shakes head in disgust ... SMH!.
 

Joe90sDad

Banned
Daerve said:
In between what.:eek:

I sit down read, read the paper, wipe my jacksy then wash my hands. There's no touching anything with "nasty" hands.:D
If you've just read The Sun you can even save on toilet paper.
 

Shady

Novice Member
...so to bring this back on track - how do you use them ?

Do you just have a squirt of water and hope that blasts away the winnits and tagnuts, or do you have to get involved i.e. soap and scrubbing ?

...always wondered...

;)
 

Dave

Distinguished Member
Mr.D said:
I've got two kids too...still doesn't make me long for lingering in the bathroom.

Is it in fact a mastubatory thing? Is "having a quiet read of the paper" a euphemism for making love to yourself in a digital fashion.

Are all you "toilet lingerers" in fact just a bunch of "self fiddlers"?

My dad used to spend a lot of time in the bog , we thought he'd bust his colon ...then we found his secret Razzle stash after he'd snuffed it.

Makes you wonder what Elvis was up to ?
:eek: How very dare you.:D

To be honest I just don't know how people can manage to pleasure themselves whilst on the toilet. It just doesn't go together IMHO.

As for Elvis, my bro is a paramedic and he reckons you'd be amazed at the amount of people that die whilst doing a number 2.:rolleyes: It's the straining that does it, it makes your blood pressure rise and breaks things.
 

marts62

Novice Member
Mrs AutomanUK said:
erm... doesn't everybody ? [..]!!
My point being... one has already *wiped* one's hands on 4 pieces of clothing before one gets to wash them at the sink.

So to say "There's no touching anything with 'nasty' hands" is quite the misconception.
 

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