Anyone heard an amusing invention/ruse from a shop lifter ?

bosque

Distinguished Member
I heard this today from a world-weary store security guard while in Sainsbury. A junkie came up to a guard, said something about a wallet (I didn't quite hear) then the poor guy left in a hurry.

I asked the guard what that was all about, he said, "They have a wheeze where they tell you they were in this morning, dropped a brand new wallet, there's nearly alway £200 in it don't know why, one note had the name of he said some mothers do have them, don't know if that's been invented, horse was riding somewhere can't remember where it's all lies anyway, real horse or made up, don't know don't care, he asks 'Has some kind soul handed that wallet in, by any chance ?" (as you would, the guard said, you'd pick up a brand new wallet oh look theres £200 in untraceable notes I'll hand that in).

The guard said he has to stand there and listen to the preposterous stories and say to them, well I'll keep an eye out for your wallet, let you know if anyone hands it in, "Will it have any effect on that horse of yours riding ? "

"What horse ?"

Already forgotten the story, easier to remember if it had been true, of course. The guard said the same ones are always constantly in to get at the booze.

I hope nobody comes on tonight casting doubt on whether I've been able to remember 100% accurately enough the whole story, otherwise they "fear" I might be "misinterpreting" what really happend, but don't think he's suggesting anything, he wouldn't.

Or someone else making some sort of lewd joke, they never do explain it, some sort of gay nudge nudge wink wink :confused: know what I mean, innuendo about the froth in someone's coffee :lease:, they seem to like that "humour" but it shoots over my head. I hope to have fallen asleep in they do post later on :).
 
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Marvin the Android

Well-known Member
My you are bitter. Stick to your 'special' posts instead of PM in future.

Cheers,

Tony.
 

bosque

Distinguished Member
My you are bitter. Stick to your 'special' posts instead of PM in future.

Cheers,

Tony.

Oh dear, he jumps straight in. Must have been waiting all day :rolleyes: Probably wants to get it deleted :eek:

I will wish you all the best, have a fantastic weekend and best wishes to all your family (although I have to say if you're married I pity the poor young lady).

Your PM was deleted unread, hope it didn't take too long to compile. As was your pals PM.
 
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Marvin the Android

Well-known Member
Oh dear, he jumps straight in. Must have been waiting all day :rolleyes: Probably wants to get it deleted :eek:

I will wish you all the best, have a fantastic weekend and best wishes to all your family (although I have to say if you're married I pity the poor young lady).

Your PM was deleted unread, hope it didn't take too long to compile. As was your pals PM.

Good for you.

Cheers,

Tony.
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
I heard this today from a world-weary store security guard while in Sainsbury. A junkie came up to a guard, said something about a wallet (I didn't quite hear) then the poor guy left in a hurry.

I asked the guard what that was all about, he said, "They have a wheeze where they tell you they were in this morning, dropped a brand new wallet, there's nearly alway £200 in it don't know why, one note had the name of he said some mothers do have them, don't know if that's been invented, horse was riding somewhere can't remember where it's all lies anyway, real horse or made up, don't know don't care, he asks 'Has some kind soul handed that wallet in, by any chance ?" (as you would, the guard said, you'd pick up a brand new wallet oh look theres £200 in untraceable notes I'll hand that in).

The guard said he has to stand there and listen to the preposterous stories and say to them, well I'll keep an eye out for your wallet, let you know if anyone hands it in, "Will it have any effect on that horse of yours riding ? "

"What horse ?"

I've deleted out the part that I didn't understand but in answer to the above, i've heard thousands over the years (as I've literally dealt with thousands of shoplifters over the last 10 years) and i've not heard any excuses or stories that I found amusing, but the method of the theft often amuses me. I like the really cheeky one's that go in and out slowly emptying a whole shelf of hundreds of pounds of booze, or squirrel away several legs of lamb about their person.

I remember a guy who went in in tracksuit trousers and filled up the legs of them with cans of beer and the pockets of his coat. He would''ve got away with it but on the way out he stole a baseball cap and pair of sunglasses by sticking them on his head to walk out and the (not so) eagle eye'd security "guard" noticed the tag on the glasses still had a label on the lens so called him back in. The CCTV then showed the bloke like a magician pulling cans of beer out of his person in a never ending fashion....

When interviewed he said his mum had died, so he got addicted to heroin and stole to feed his drug habit..... That was literally his account he wanted to give to the court.

Considering he had over 30 previous convictions for drug possession and theft shoplifting, I expected better things from him, or shock horror, even the truth....
 

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