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Am I over reacting? (wife & step kids)

brad123

Well-known Member
So my wife of 11 months has 2 children from a previous marriage boy aged 16 and girl 14. As with all kids they like sweets, treats etc. I always buy biscuits and they never want for anything. I always buy them a large 25 pack of crisps that goes in a wooden box that they usually plough through in a week. I normally take a couple of packets for me and the wife and put them in cupboard above the sink so me and the wife have a packet if we feel like it. Kids know this.

So whats happened and usually does happen is the kids eat all of the sweets, biscuits, puddings, crisps and have nothing for after tea and like all kids they think its normal to have a pudding after tea every day. So yesterday as they had eaten all the crisps they noticed the crisps in the top cupboard and asked the wife can they have these, she said yes. Now we kind of had a bicker as I said they need to learn not everything is theres and if there are no after tea treats then tough, so be it.

She said there just crisps and it doe no harm. I'm trying to install some form of life lessons in sharing and thinking of others but the wife has annoyed me over ruling me and doing it in front of the kids.

When we get crisps we usually get the 24 bag and the kids usually eat 2 packs a day, especially now when at home all day. That doesn't bother me, what does is that once they have none left they play the wife so they can have our stash. I'm, not happy the wife goes against what I said and more so the kids see this and we start to get a lets go to mum or ask mum scenario and what I say they don't have to listen to. I'll also say we aren't a strict house by any means. Am I over reacting?
 
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blue max

Distinguished Member
Seems to me it's easily sorted if you don't buy them. Get them some yoghurt and fruit instead.

Other people's kids are almost always a point of friction at some point.
 

DemonAV

Distinguished Member
Let them have their crisps & snacks but every time they take a bag you take a bog roll and hide it for yourself
 

ssbib

Distinguished Member
You’re right, but it’s an argument you will never win. Only way to get your lesson across is buy the smaller bags of crisps, less in and the less they can have. Also hide yours in a new spot, heheh.
 

blue max

Distinguished Member
That just reminded me - my old mum used to refuse to buy chocolate biscuits because 'we just eat them'! Faced with Rich Tea and Sports biscuits, the biscuit barrel remained pretty stocked!
 

Fergal82

Distinguished Member
You just need to stash a favour no one else likes or buy some extra spicy ones and stash them.

My two took my spicy crisps once but it didn’t happen a second time 😂
 

Hixs

Distinguished Member
Sounds like they need to grow up a little tbh at 16 is was doing 50 hours a week graft and bought my own sh*t..
 

John7

Well-known Member
Your maths is wrong - you need to buy more crisps!

2 x children at 2 bags a day

2 x 2 bags = 4 bags a day
4 bags x 7 days = 28 bags
Plus, a couple for yourselves

Total = 30 bags :D
 

brad123

Well-known Member
The wife does pander to them and is not as consistent as me when it comes to discipline etc. We will enforce some new rule and it lasts 2 days before she can't be bothered. It's left to me and I'm then the bad guy of the house. The 16 year old is really young for his age, really young and she panders to him since he played the suicide card 18 months ago saying he was depressed, which only happened when he was banned from his Xbox which is his world.

I do sense a divide now in a there my children I'll do what I want kinda way which is so dangerous to the marriage. We argue more about the children as we disagree on matters then anything else.
 

EndlessWaves

Distinguished Member
Should your wife have backed you up? Hard to say without knowing the details. It may have been she had a different perspective on what the reserve was for, especially if you hadn't discussed it explicitly.
 

GeneticMutation

Well-known Member
I mean this in the nicest possible way, they ain't your kids mate. Leave their Mum and their Dad to the parenting. At the end of the day it's whether you want a "happy wife, happy life" or keep getting into arguments about her kids. Plus, they're only crisps!

I'm probably going to get absolutely roasted for this way of thinking!
 

shodan

Distinguished Member
Welcome to the unusual world of parenting! It's a crazy place.
Your wife will argue with you that you shouldn't argue over this. You will lose.
I've been there for this exact thing. Doris undermined me, I pulled her up on it, I was the one blowing out all out of proportion and our kids are active so I shouldn't worry about a bag of crisps.

Obviously I didn't give two sh*ts about the crisps, it was the kids attitude and her attitude that I didn't like.

My solution? I've chosen not to care about the crisps. When they are gone, they are gone.
I don't hide any away and I will not buy extra for anyone else. Because of this the kids don't go behind my back to Doris, she can't undermine means I am more relaxed.

Plenty of other more worthy things to get stressed over.


Or failing that, make the lazy sh*ts do chores and pay them in snack privileges... 😎😂
 

nvingo

Well-known Member
Why are they so hungry? Do they eat all of their scheduled meals? Why isn't that enough?

The lockdown period is an ideal chance to 'retrain' them; "I couldn't get any crisps but this is what was available" - eg. fresh fruit.
 
I mean this in the nicest possible way, they ain't your kids mate. Leave their Mum and their Dad to the parenting. At the end of the day it's whether you want a "happy wife, happy life" or keep getting into arguments about her kids. Plus, they're only crisps!

I'm probably going to get absolutely roasted for this way of thinking!
I would argue that they are when living together as a family, but do get the point, and it won't be as straight forward like that. But even if they are biologically yours, it really isn't worth an argument over. When small potatoes like that (pun intended) cause arguments then I would suggest there are much bigger underlying issues.

Sun Tzu 'The Art of War' should be mandatory reading before marriage or living together :)

"If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle."

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win"
 

SDMDAM

Well-known Member
We have started to be more sensible with treats in case there is an issue in replenishing them as the lockdown continues. We also started to try to get more fruit as an alternative.
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
I have my own fridge in the garage. The women of the house are too lazy to go in there in search of treats.
 

John

Moderator
If she, they or you all contract this bloody virus,come back and tell us if you were over reacting over a bag of crisps
 

ashenfie

Well-known Member
So my wife of 11 months has 2 children from a previous marriage boy aged 16 and girl 14. As with all kids they like sweets, treats etc. I always buy biscuits and they never want for anything. I always buy them a large 25 pack of crisps that goes in a wooden box that they usually plough through in a week. I normally take a couple of packets for me and the wife and put them in cupboard above the sink so me and the wife have a packet if we feel like it. Kids know this.

So whats happened and usually does happen is the kids eat all of the sweets, biscuits, puddings, crisps and have nothing for after tea and like all kids they think its normal to have a pudding after tea every day. So yesterday as they had eaten all the crisps they noticed the crisps in the top cupboard and asked the wife can they have these, she said yes. Now we kind of had a bicker as I said they need to learn not everything is theres and if there are no after tea treats then tough, so be it.

She said there just crisps and it doe no harm. I'm trying to install some form of life lessons in sharing and thinking of others but the wife has annoyed me over ruling me and doing it in front of the kids.

When we get crisps we usually get the 24 bag and the kids usually eat 2 packs a day, especially now when at home all day. That doesn't bother me, what does is that once they have none left they play the wife so they can have our stash. I'm, not happy the wife goes against what I said and more so the kids see this and we start to get a lets go to mum or ask mum scenario and what I say they don't have to listen to. I'll also say we aren't a strict house by any means. Am I over reacting?
A few more months and she will have you in your place lol
 

its_all_Greek

Distinguished Member
I mean this in the nicest possible way, they ain't your kids mate. Leave their Mum and their Dad to the parenting. At the end of the day it's whether you want a "happy wife, happy life" or keep getting into arguments about her kids. Plus, they're only crisps!

I'm probably going to get absolutely roasted for this way of thinking!

If she, they or you all contract this bloody virus,come back and tell us if you were over reacting over a bag of crisps
The point is not the crisps its about respect, the more the mother undermines the OP the less respect the kids will have for him.
I don't agree with some of the decisions my wife makes with regards our children but i never undermine her in front of them making sure we discuss it later away from the kids.
 

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